ntl lib is cool!

pw-ed today at the new national lib! OH MY GOD its so big! ok, i noe it sounds kuku but yea, its really big. got 16 storeys plusplus i think, like WOAH! (: and its a really nice place there too. so big confirm got place to MUGG. we found qt a lot of stuffs too! yay! but the guard was pretty mean didnt allow ppl to bring bags in on a certain floor the sg collection. but that shant spoil my image of the staff there. (: theyre very friendly to help us! WOAH so amazed! haha. ok lame. ok tmr sch starts again. so fast. the week is going too fast for me to realise that! and... before i go, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAGUA MATE IN ADVANCED! (:

would u miss me?

haha! weihui kinda made my day today when she told me during break that she'll prolly miss me when she leaves aj! woah! thats surprising considering how i always feel i do not do anything significant in my life to leave any impact in others lifes as i would have liked. but wat she told me is like so sweeet! (and so i bolded weihui's name!(: )whoo. ill miss everyone when i go, lik i always do and have. wherever i leave, i'll look back and miss them a hell lot. but i guess i have been very fortunate in that when i leave, i'll always find nice friends again. thats prolly the most lucky aspect in my life ehh. hahas.

my jo also made my day when she say so many times MY LUCIA! whoo! ai si ni wo de jolene! so sweet right?! haaha. and ytd she tie my shoeslace for me ehh! ahha lame and no point i have come to understand. i am totally dumb there, but ehh nvm, i enjoy daily lil things in life lik calling and grinning at my jo, and jo's crazy fren qiu. ahah. and oso my bagua mate and her dar darr. and eveyrone la! (: and oh oh tapping shoulders with yihua. and my FREN shermin. she's not mine anymore ehh cos she's stolen! :( nah. that was serious crap. haha. ok, i'm crapping

ok, tdy took ptm pics with qinfang my nice partner cp. whoo. she's very (act) cute! haha. no la, i think we found each other equally bhb and she thinks im crazy. watevre watever. but we were both so tempted by the FOOD! FOOD was the damn tempting! but didnt eat any in the end! :P haha. we are pro one ok! (not cam wise tho. ) we'll jiayou tgt ehh qinfang. hoho. so that sums up my first job. we were feeling dumb and all taking pics cos almost every pic was similar jus diff faces. but nahh my boss (lao ban) say good, den can alr! hhaha.

SCREWED

spell SCREWED with double caps for me pls. the ocip interview. guess i neednt go anymoe :( hurs. but nahh its ok,im ok la. i jus noe i screwed it.

anyways. sigh. immaturity. immaturity why are ppl always immature? i mean tho there's nthg wrong with that likehello, the world doesnt revolve ard u dearrr. it doesnt, there's so much things gg ard us and yet all ure caught up with is in ur own? hell. mayb i do smtimes, and seeing someone behaving in this way makes me realise its irritating to a certain extent. yea.

dun ask me abt wats on myblog dear, dun. cos i dun wna say it out. i dun wna... which is the reason y i cant even phrase myself coorectly ehh? hurr. anyway sigh sigh. im fine im ok! im happyier by e day! yay

oh to HAPPY STUFFS derrick tonight! shuai! (:
derrick so rocks. haha so shaui so cute! yay! whaha

oh well,endless rantings is bad for gp. learnt smth abt NUTS tdy in GP btw. No U-Turn Syndrome (NUTS). actually i think i had read it in the chaotic tots of the old millenium book. but well, its interesteing! hhaha.

is it jus the ppl ard me or isit jus that erm jun/ july/ aug season is best for ppl to get tgt- like tgt

MY THRID DRAFT ON THIS, I REALLY DUNNO HOW TO PHRASE MY FEELINGS HERE. dang. forget it i give up trying to put down my feelings. ende.

siruisiruisirui ahah! hope tat poor thing gets wel soon. its weird in shc w/o anyone WHOO!~ing with me. (: two mcs in a row how can she lay in the comfort of home while i mugg away :( BOO. anyways sigh. yes i really dunno how to phrase wat i think abt the recent erm, attached thing. of cos i feel happy but theres this feeling i wna phrase but i cant put it right. yepp. so i giveup trying. my diary's a much easier way. (:

canoeing

i jus felt the impact of canoeing. of the cnaoeing ntls. that of my exteam mates. haven i said enuff abt wanting to be in a team to strive n all. i've read it, felt it, wanted it. i dun mind training four times a week, dead tired and gone. well, its easy to say now tt i neednt commit at all. but i could feel their lost, their anguish... really. ive been thru all feelings in canoeing, not that of k1 k2 not that of a comp, but the feeling in the water, wnating to jus go faster and faster and not capsizing. capszing have always been a bigg prob. bigg one man. i still can feel that sizeure in my heart the first few times i was in a t1. i jus keept telling myself thati cant cap cos no one will save me, and so i didnt. i can feel the anguish of being so near the finishing yet u cap. its sad, its depressing even cos months of hardwork ends jus in that sec. i can feel it. it mus hav been painful, must hav been reall bad for wenyi n huiwen. but theye always zai in my heart. i miss them. mayb i could pop by a trg session. maybe. most prob i cant. but i miss them. sigh. i couldnt be there with them during their downest times, i could only pray and wish them taht theyll grow to be stronger indivs, stronger and more experienced forthe next comp. a canoeist life is tough, but as its go. if it aint tough, u aint going. u aint gna enjoy it as much either. canoeing rocks my life. but i aint fated to be rocked. i couldonly wish her that my exteammates (not only wenyi n huiwen) win and do hcnaoe proud, i'll be rooting for u wherever i am. i promise. i pray, and i noe this will come true. jiayosu my babes. u guys were there for me when i was leaving and feeling down. u guys were the ones that make me feel even more handicapped without canoeing. my canoeing babes, jiayous jiayous!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUASIRUI

sometimes i see too many of such cases, that my heart have become resigned to such events. its a reality and its a very sad one , that so often, young aspiring and very successful sportspersons in their fields are forced to give up something that they feel most for for health reasons, injuries and all. dun u think its too harsh a reality for youths to handle? just when they are making their mark in their own arena they have to give up everything that they have trained so much for... giving up aint any easy task. and the very fact that these are the very youths that we possibilily could count n for sports achievements in the furture, are taken away in the very same instance. i noe it aint anyone's fault, if its any, its the passion and drive's . i hate to see people make such BIG sacrifices for their sport. its just sad u noe, that ppl feel so much for their sport yet they cant playit ?

:( sigh, the reality of life we have to handle... i hope ur ok dear!:)

ON TO HAPPIER EVENTS! for one, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUASIRUI
wenta class steamboat ytd took lotsa pics and ate so much! ok im a pig who cares man. yepps. lets see who went... me sirui weihui jas emily yuexin jiamein myJOLENE chinguan zhenghui. yeps ten of us! (: whee. the funniest was the vid i took of jo chin and jiamein competing watermelon eating. gosh! jo was damn funn she keep laughing! haahahah. and chinguan can REALYL eat man. two slices at a go. well....

yepp.thats all (: must mugg alr. else my anme will be on every list for remedial classes like chem is now, =X

STNICKS!

i realise how st nicks can make my mornings happy. so happy. oli told me in the morning tat st nicks b div champs again! :) yay. and c div lost to sss by one point. like WATEVER LOR they have been training everyday and they only win us by onepoint? they might as well lose man. goshh. but im happy alr. i guess sportssch have completely no reason to lose. and we won them in bdiv so yay. smile stnicks.theres nothing to be sad abt. the track team have done us proud as they have alwatys did. aww i miss cheering!!! :( jiayous stnicks. win sss again next yr! whee. we can! we WILL!

ok, my entries get shorter by the day but yay tmr is fri! whoo. got back results report tdy :( bahh.needa jiayous! REMIND ME NOT TO SLACK :(:(:( hais. den wenta find my shoes but decided to buy another day. walked a looong way to ps to buy MRS HUANG presnet. she despise me i still buy for her ehh! hmpfs (: and oh yar this one sure must record.

MY JOLENE when jas ask if she noe me SAYS OF COS SHE NOES ME LA! whoo she says i so nice to her she of cos must treat me as a fren too! YAY that make my day too. MY JO ROCKS! i love u jo, and eveyrone else. SMILEEEES (:

why are some people multi talented yet some have none at all? shld the world be a bit fairer and let everyone have a little talent to last him through his life.

its beeen a sick week. ytd i was totally feeling damn pathetic sneezing away and typing and trying to rush econs essay out. bahh. its a really bad feeling. and the sorethroat rahhhhh

muggers united

yay. someone finaly said lucia's a mugger! yay! spent my sunday afternoon mugging away in an open space in wdl lib. yay! im an open mugger! :D whoo! muggers loves neos too! muggers are lu yue jas jing wei (: half names cos muggers are shy! whaha. i'm lame tonight. oh well. cos school's tmr.

mic! aha no i hide no mistress in my hse! ok next time i'll ask u up to my hse! :D wahah! (: missed you toooo! but aww well u got ur js alr :(

here's a really nice quote from the book im curently reading "caught in the light" bu robert goddard.

ian's daughter asked him once, 'You take pictures, Dad,' 'But there are hardly any of you. why'sthat?'

because the photographer is never quite part of what he sees,. because the price of clear vision is the distance you need to focus in. i like to see, not be seen.

shuiying came by my hse tdy. piggg alot. but had plenty of fun. haha. my hse is actually her second home man! hahas. really would have prefeered this weekend to other weekends out outings or staying at home slacking. tho its slacking all the same, its more fun with her. its more funny. haha. someone to pig with me finally. whether its compalining abt studying, school, whining abt grades and tutorials or watchg her face zhenqing.(: osy rocks! aha. i promise nt to spread rumors abt her and ahem :D . she reminded me that we have been rather close friends for 5yrs alr, like WOAH. i noe her since sec 1. and sec 1 til now its like so fast! time really do noe how to fly ehh. missed the stnicks in the bkgrd, missed being in pinafores, but thank goodness i neednt miss having good old friends. lao wang lao wang! aha. :D

have i ever said?

have i ever said how i wish for all my youth years, wanting to be part of a team. some team. some team that bonds, that neednt win, just try.
have i ever said that when i look at teams i used to partially belong to, i feel a sense of loss?

have i ever said why i love the things i love?
have i ever said that i always wna excel in something? just anything but yet i didnt.

have you ever asked abt me? have you ever cared more?

no. sadly. we all dun. we all dun go beyond insightful qns. we dun reveal our hearts to others. and we dun elaborate why.

at least

i dun.



(: anyway cecs!!! if ure reading this cheerup yea!!! SMILE! and life'll just get better. becos when ure really down u must really find some way to move UP! okokoko! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR JOOOOOO! (:


whee! we ran outa sch to buy icecream at ntuc for jolene! yay my jolene! hhaha.
happy seventeennnnn! soccer pro! yay.

on a sadder note, Click here to take survey. haha. actually its jus for my own use but nahh.

am starting to have the same feeling defending again.

mayb defendiing's really my way. ms ng said that, coach wong said that,. maybe its that dislike to have the ball with the opponents that make me do defending. i used to always wan an attack position. badly. used to i say. and alot of people i see loves to attack too. maybe its the prestigue, the honour of supposedly scoring the point for your team. hell, i haven scored a single point for my team for ages. not since i started playing again this yr during interhse. but i still enjoy the game throughoutly. mayb the misconception shld be changed, defending is no boring job. it is if ur opponent is lousy, but i guess i haven come across any yet. blah! attacking is no cool position either. hah. i guess both sides are the same in importance, just that it really boils down to your way of game play. im no expert of netball, but i believe that if u play your position well, there isnt any good or bad posiiton (:

tho we lost again tdy, i felt the pump in me. i felt the team working togetehr today. its no longer a one way show. its the whole team of girls working together to get the abll down. and seing that also makes me defend even more diligently i guess. esp when the opponent GA is damn good tall and accurate. snatching the ball and intercepting it just gives a veyr shuang feeling itside! WHAHAHA! and jas is veyr bang tdy! she stole so many balls from the gs! (: whoo! really this is the best game ive played this yr man! good job guys! its oso the first few times i;ve warmed up to the game and start shouting ard lik i nv did for the past few games. (:

maybe its the feeling of jumping high and catching the ball. or passing a good ball caught nicely in your teammates' hands. or keeping your oppoenet away from the ball. or... its just not the feeling of winning. its the feeling that i cant exactly put down, but its just like i like it. ahh! i noe, the feeling of being motivated! (: ahss. yes!

anyway recess have been very pathetic. SUPERLY pathetic to put it straight. im starting to get pissed at the action of people NOT EATING! ARGH! how many more sould can i bear to be thinner than me i cnat say. but what is wrong with eating ,man. like HELL i ahve beenn eating breakfast recess lunch dinner for the past 16years. and in the recent 4 yrs at least, my weight havent grown much. like hell what the hell is going on in this world. arent there any pigs of my kind left? must everyone be STICK THINNNNN my goodness? its in difference that we're all unique. so whats the point being the same as other peopkle physically? u just aint you. i hate it when my zhu recess club loses members by the day. now even the zhu lucnh club is losing its attraction. my gosh. recess and breaks and meant to replenish your energy , your mind, your body. and by not eating you're jus telling me you can go study now. right now. and no stop til the end of the day! i hate to sound angered but i am! why cant we JUST eat what we like? as we wish. what the fat and calories and all the crap. oh pls. u'll just feel faint. jus lik our sentence in gp today. you must eat otherwise you'll faint. same reasoning isnt it? why must friends change for the sake of one who dun reciporate your liking? why must friends care abt what others who dun noe u think abt you? they are just being shallow superficial beings by judging your apperance!

ok i'm done venting.
relax lu! (:

becca it must be youuuu! the taggg.
(:

its a bunch of booos

watched initial d ytd! wahh damn cool, but the ending is erm, not as good as i would have liked

i would have hope jay or rather takumi not choose to join the car races and be a car racer cos its so unsafe! so dangerous! cannot cannot!
i would rather have jay listen to the girl explain herself. sad love's not my perfect ending.
i would rather jay continue the way he was, speeding with no distractions in his mind, by himself, quietly on the roads of the hills. and not have all those so called runk, cool pro races invade the cool course!
yes, of cos i expect too much man! but its a nice show overall (:
esp with shuai shuai jay and ok looking edison relative to my jay! haha.. jay looks soooooo soooo cute when he just stone there!my fave pose now is the using right hand stonning position! sheesh and dun disturb when i do that! whaa! lameee! (: oh wells!

its a buncha booos if u noe wat i mean. BOOO :(

lydia's damn funny! i took a video of her during the boring speech by parents for pop! DAMN FUNNY! wanna see tell me i'ld send to u over msn! me and steph was laughing LIK MAD! WAHHAAHA! her rendition on wat her parents would prob say if they were invited!

NP POP twentyOfive (:

went back for POP05. its the ug first combined POP. so yea, met my squadmates. :) and played ball and talked

somehow, i was thinking, i have this nostaglence in me, a yr back, there i was...leaving the squad i had leaving the np i was with for four years. its like giving up something you had for very long, and i am reminded of it now and i just feel this emptiness within. its just being fearful, cos time passes too fast. like liying tell me, its lik a year past in such a short span it seems. like eveyrthing gets so fast alr. next yr pop, i wun recognise much faces alr. those who took over this yr, in my eyes, were still the sec2s that i noe them as. a year have past, and new leadership had taken over. i jus feel more and more away. im fearful. im scared of another year passing so fast that next yr at this same time, i'll be facing more fears, feeling the same feeling, only more intense. nostalgic. i miss those time in np actaully.much as i noe many wun have enjoyed it, i'd rather stay in sec sch forever (not retain) but just having and enjoying every moment i had. 4yrs in np is really a large part of life. and leaving the large part suddenly just dun feel good, esp when u're remnded. i do miss taking sqdms for pt, drills, planning with su, working thinsg out and worrying evey thursday night abt np tmr. i suddenly just wan to see ALL my sqms. i'ce seen quite a few, which make me feel so good just seing everyone the same old them. playing ball, or crrapping. lydia's pretty much the same, crappy and making me laugh! michelle is the usual bball zai girl. steph still gives me the look i cant describe, the hey you look? liying is same old nice liying who really makes me realise i dun dun like aj. really. yoshi is still the gofor funky stuff yoshi who dun tok on the way home one. xinhui is still being bullied by me tho she trys to suan me. woonling is sitll the rash but chiong friendly and always high girl on court. peisee is the usual lucia what are you dooing wayy. xiaowen is the usual argh dunno what to say abt this girl her complain abt sa polo girls. aha. joyce wih her usual smile just so sweet. zhimin the usual way she tok, interactive and all. su is OF COS THE SAME COS I SEE HER SO OFT. kezia with the i am so sian and tired llook, wanting to complain wayy. sheez with the ERMM look. zibbie with the way she tok loud laughy cute and all. crystal with her usual share of stories and i love my class stuffs to tok on the way home.joy with the seh style. minli her gentle usual guniang way of cos.

glad more than half of my sqdmates cameback :) i stayed to see them all. cos i miss seeing everyone. sqd outing soon i hope :) hhaha. they just make me laugh like a madwoman. wahah.

yet i face fears of being ld and grown up. i just have a very strong inner child. a hatred for changes too. i jus lik things to stay the same. very soon, in a year time, i'll be rushed off to study for Alevels. its the countless times ive said abt fearful abt growing up . abt passing time.

and i noe i shld start changing mindsets too. aj is really not bad. i actualyl do like sch as can seen from leaving schh when the sun sets everyday for the past 3days of the week. i always go home late only when i liek sch. when i lik the company i hang out with . at least in aj, i'm a stnicks girl. i'm myself. my friends are nice. and i dun feel too stressed to perform. tho sadly, i'm slack. if i ahd been more active in ccas, perhaps aj would look a thousand times better. tahts what np did to me. for my outlook on stnicks. large part of it comes frm np, cos thats when i got friends for life. i ought to start loving sch. cos i'll be a much hppier person. and a even sadder person when i leave tho. contradictions in life dun come easy.

eveyrone is excited abt ccc! i'm so glad! i must go back to help no matter what! end of year! end of year! really hope it'll GO , as in the comp. cos its what made me cry, and i wna go back to rename my memories. (; and make better memories for my juniors. becos the campcraft experience so ROCK.

POP photos here! (: ilovemysquadmates

LOSING THINGS WAYY BACK A YEAR AGO

3.21.2004 losing things 11:23 AM

i have lost so many things.
i forgot where to start from
life's a losing game
or a sure win to some
but you'll never know if you win or lose
until that happens

losing is not failing.
failing is not the inablitily to win
the inabiltiy to win is not a measure of what you are

trophies are not how to measure one
grades aren't the way to see how far you'll go
certs does not tell us one's character.

measure is, but, a unit
a unit which we designate it on
how we want to measure, there's no limits.
1 kilo wtatt seems little,
but 1000 watts much.

i've lost interest in my once best things
phtoography, smiling, everything.
everything was great
but they arent now
but it does not mean taht
i've lost
it does not mean that
i've won either

life's a non losing, a non winning
that's because i define life tat way
and i want it that way

WOAH i wrote it wayy back a year plus ago. so depressing but i have lost the touch , the magical feeling to write chim stuff. perhaps its becoming apathetic, perhaps, its just inability to express oneself.

been thinking back abt the times i played netball with my sqm for nyaa with ms ng, it was VERY FUN. i practicaally enjoyed shouting, cos i love my sqdmates! but now, i no longer do. no longer. maybe learning to play it quietly is good, but i dunno, i jus lik cheeering. for my squadmates esp! dun noe if its a good thing not to speak, i still rmb what ms ng told me b4... 'if u promise not to scream and shout, i'll let u play C' not that i really wanted to be center tho, but it just like WOAH at least that was one game i really tried hard to control screaming. not anymore. nyaa have really made me noe netball better, and.. noe my strengths. noe that i'm in for defence tho b4 nyaa i have alwyas wanted attack. but i noe i cant do that well, neither defence too tho. hope i'l play netball with my sqm tmr if can! miss them!

alrights. tired. neeeda buck up loads. jiayous me!

net a balling!

yay! netballed with my class girls for two days! YAY! its the interhse games ytd and tdy the crash course for tmr! alrite, we arent zai, but we're doing our best. whats' impt is WE TRYY! (: netball's FUNN tho i suck at it. miss nyaa playing with sqdmates man!!! wahhhh. so long nv play alr. ahah damn lousy. but nvm! we shall play often frm now on. healthy lifestyle ehh!

got back chem and maths results. damn lousy. ITS A FAILLLLL . what am i man? some stupid girl. sigh... stupid stupid!

i am unlucky. nowadays at least

on one day, i can be late 20mins cos i waited for the bus for 15mins, missed the train and hafta wait for 8mins. my waterbottle leaks in my bag. i saw 3cockroaches on one bus. my wallet is halfemptied alr =broke. couldnt sleep at night. 2uclers in my mouth. sorethroat-coming feeling.

sigh betterluck pls!
and plus, pw still must write formal letter to the director. wahh. :( faints.

i feel disheartened when u're.
i am disheartened now that you are.

SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY doesnt take back anything

i jus shld stayaway the net. tv's a better buddy! :) it doesnt require me to talk back! YAY i love tv! TVTVTVTV!


SORRY becca! :'( but dun give up!!!!! yay
PW TMR . sian. :( but its long due

MILKMILKMILK RUN!

YAY YAY YAY! WENT MILKRUN AFTER RELENTLESS BUGGING PPL TO GO AND NONE WANTED TO, EXCEPT SUPER ENTHU WEIHUI. DEN THANK GOD GOT MY BESTESTESTETSTEST PARTNER SU SU!!!!! and weihui's two frens. jiahan and xinyu!

anyway the run was pretty cool, like past so many bulidings and all..shophouses etc etc. yea, and there were TONS of stnicks girls iwasnt expecting to see any! turns out SN was the official sch partners of the milkrun with sji. WOAH

THANKS SUUU! and WEIHUI AND HER TWO FRENS! :)

now now becca. dun kill me for not going for class outing =X

i noe i am seriously dead frm the way u sound! haha. (:

oh wells, i just slacked at home stressfree for a long time ytd. been a long time since that happens. so yea. :D