jus a perfectly random thought that pop into mind while talking to the ahoy president.

i dun wanna be in a relationship now. somehow i see those people in love, they're lik old. like grown up. like matured. if u get wat i mean... like the guy have to care abt the girl, and the girl the guy. lik suddenyl you have another responsibliy to take care of someone else. ok, mayb those in love dun see it as a responsiblity. yes. but somehow, one way or another, you are liek older than you are. older than what you actually can behave like. so with this thinking, i wanna have more dayys of being the childish person that i am. i dun wanna behave as tho i am grown up! aww.refusal to grow up 2. jus let me live in that refusal thenn. be the act siao person in school everyday. be the good friend to all my girlfriends. (: the trip back to stnicks makes me realise what is more important: friends. esp girlffriends. esp. stnicks girlfriends. and so i realise that at the end of the dayy all you wanna do is see your nice girlfriends and realise that ure nv forgotten and so you'll smile (: smile for them, and for yourself. true from the heart. (: - a smile

photos! aj

st nicks sports day took some pics. becca go the side bar and click there's some of ur pics :) ok, actually only one.

took some class pics in school (: click to enlarge!

let the st nicks spirit SOAR!

hoho! really missed the st nicks spirit! its really when being a st nicholas girl really all came back to me.
the cheering
the high
the feeling to jus scream you lungs out till u got no voice
the jie mei tong xin spirit (ok sounds mushy but who cares)
the go red house gooooooooo!
the feeling of being truly STNICHOLAS

really. cheering jus makes my day. jus makes me feel how blank my live have been since i left school. how long i havent cheered fully. cheering at stnicks jus rocks.cos u jus scream, and everyone screams with you. no one will ever give you the 'ermmm' face, in fact if u dun cheer i think u will feel damn out. jus realised how much i missed stnicks. how much i missed seeing all the familiar faces, jus saying a thousand hello! along a corridor. its really abt returning and rmbing your roots. like having so many level mates back tgt in school is smthing really hard. and sports day is one day which makes it possible. so many familiar faces, so many smiles (: and you can jus complain to any teacher and stuff, even if they dun teach u, u jus say hi and they'll reply. and smile at you. most tchers at least. i missed the meaning of SCHOOL SPIRIT. havin the school cheering as one. jumping about and screaing out loud. and

singing the st nicholas school song.

sang realy loud. got really happy. really.its about the school spirit. wat the school left in you. wat sn have inculcated in me. wat impact sn have on me. is jus--- indescribable. seeing stnicks girls chionging on the track, stnicks girls screaming and cheering for their houses jus rocks. cos thats when everyone is one.

red hse got third. its not the best, but at least :) i love red house. all da cheers, all da WOAH sea of red. my wish for my levelmates is, to come back next year and the yeras to come again. to let me see those familiar faces in school again. to jus let me say hello to u once more. even if you dun recognise me anymore, i will still smile to you. becasue, we are st nicks. and i feel im always gonna be stnicks. till the next sports meet, tata sn! missing you.

after that went to macs to eat and talk crap with kez xinhui mic. haven toked to them for ages. like haven seen them for so long. haven had friends who would wait for you eveyrday no matter how late to hav lunc tgt.to go home tgt eeven tho we part at amk. and thats lik waiting only for a bus ride. and they still wait for you. thats the sweetest part of stnicks life. the sisterhood.

years on, i wonder if any stnicks girl will rmb me when i meet them. but it doesnt matter. as long as everyone feels stnicks, that her is unique. haven said prayer for really long too. missed praying to god as a school. :) and i did all. today.

truly st nicholas. i miss st nicholas :) st nicholas i love u!!!!

and a trip back to stnicholas is truly worth it. much more worth. makes me dammnn happy!

winning or losing doesnt matter. really.

here's to my partner forever : it really doesnt matter if one really win or lose. becasue u will find at the end of the day that really, it doest matter. no one will rmb. no one will shift the blame onto anyone. as long as youve tried your best, dear, its sufficient. cos thats the best we can do. and we strive to do it well even tho sometimes things dun go our way. really. winning losing or even feeling that youve let them down isnt impt. wat is impt is to noe that uve done ur best and its no one's fault. :) if there's anything at all, at least u replaced ur friend. otherwise, they wun even be running. get it su? :) cheer up. really its isnt anything when u put things into perspective.

yepps.sports day tdy. hmsm ok except the cheer makes me feel amazed at girls power. stnicks did much better girls alone :) so exciting tmrs' gonna b STNICKS SPORTS DAY! yipps! am going back! awww! :D smthg to look forward to. feels lik aholiday to me actually. tmr. hhaaha but it isnt. bahh. nvm! life with a joy life with a goal passes exceptionally fast. and some idiot is faking me at maks blog. damn irritating pls grow up. shant let stupid chilsih things get me down :)tmr st nicks!tahts eniff to let me smileE!

guess after all the past difficulties, i have really grown. lik i dun find myself loving ppl so easily anymre. i dun open so easily, i dun feel happy that easily. and maybe, i have matured and grown! :D mayb. i feel old. :/ hahas. lik matured like in thinking? lik now i learn to put things into perspective and things dun see that bad anymore. like eveything have a reason, and i have accepted the fact pretty much alr. tho i still will occasionally think abt things and feel lonely and nostalgic and stuff. im ok!

and my gp tcher is so nice. mrs siva shes my best liked tcher now. she jokes with us in class and all! :) nicest tcher we hav i guess. haha. and she really can take jokes well...and crap and all! haha! yepps. just a note to leave abt her cos shes leaving next term to do her masters in lingulistics. hmms. yepp. quite cool. hahas.

oh wells. gotta go. (: stnicks! cya tmr! missing u

oh! and happy birthday CHARLOTTE!

as ive promised, changed my layout design in ten minutes. :) and so its happier now! yays. its brighter ok!

da pacifier. da class outing

Haha! Today went class outing! Mans, we haven’t had a class outing for ages yea! So obviously I really couldn’t resist giving it a miss even tho I had alr decided I wun be going back hc tdy. Awws, mus really do work and all alr. Impt. Impt. Impt to concentrate on schoolwork alr. (: but class outings’ a must! Yays. Watched the pacificer. Lol. Becca’s a biggg BIGGGG pedophiles ! she was going all ga-ga over the boys of all ages, baby, little kid and teenage boy. Hahss. Den xying damn funny oso! The show start alr she think advertisment! Haha. Den had a nice long chat with hongli on the train hm. Thanks for sending me home har! Haha! toking to her jus makes me feel so ta shi. :)

Hmms, sometimes I wonder if we were to choose-momentary happiness, or happiness divided over everyday, which would I choose? Hmms, I dun actually noe. Like that momentary happiness is really something that will mark your life! But mild happiness that’s spread over your days is like u’re at least at the minimum happiness everyday however little. Hmms. Ok, no time la. Gtg to some chemistry and physics else ‘ll prob die for the next tests again! Miss everyone! :D
last note: Anyone going back for sports day! Pls go cheer tgt!! St nicks RED HSE! We rocks!

the how screwed meter: HIGH

:(how screwed? u guess it! very. haha. jus hope for a pass. but even a pass is damn hard. nvm. try again next time. didnt study hard enuff i guess
:(pw pi, gpp, reflectn log due this week!
:(2.4km timing deprove a whole 15secs
:(econs essay tmr. mus prepare!!!
:(mouth uclers! ouchh.

(: met crystal for talking cum eating session! yay! had a nice tallkking time. thansk crys!
(: saw osy on the wayy home! yes, we're meeting steffi soon!
(: met hongli on msn! yay! missed her.
(: bought my pen refill!
(: ate grapes! yay yay!

that sums up my dayy.

how am i gonna muggggg my way thru two tests?

hmms. muggg. haven been in a mood to mugg! and i have 2 tests -chem and phy- tmr! goshh. bad news to noe that im not mugging! shucks. plus my physics is so lousy cos there's no first 3months, and originally its alr v lousy alr. so negative plus smth more negative is very negative. try telling me how screwed i am for my tests tmr. hmms. shall mugg!!! but its reallly hard. like each time i touch the phy lect notes, i will auto wan to fall asleeep! doesnt help taht the weather is either too warm or too cold that its so comfy to sleep!
promised i will change my templ to smth happier. soon. mayb afta tmr's bout of tests.

and becca? were u the one who added?woah its 500 alr. hahas. if u;re visiting, HELLOS :D . miss yaa! (:

and and and... off to mugg smth. i jus wanna pass. targeted a C for this physics test. its lik so low, but if i dun get it, den i'm so dead for physics.

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

was thinking of ppl over the weekend. stnicks ppl lik ltgand niq and cyy. all those acroynames jus came back as i was talking to ltg on msn. she's still the cute cute ltg who loves MY and now, another LK. so in total she got 2 LKs and 2 ECs. haha!i love abbreviations! all those hongkong stars...missing everyone. pan becks ma hongli van marg xying fishh ... bascially a lot of ppl. :) hope evryone's doing well! needa energy ffor the new week! napfa tmr!

thank you for being my strength

lyrics time! (:

*Because you love me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made right
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

Ch: You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost y faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm greatful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

Ch: You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love
Into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

Ch: You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


*Best in me
From the moment I met you I just knew you’d be mine
You touched my hand
And I knew that this was gonna be our time
I don’t ever wanna lose this feeling
I don’t wanna spend a moment apart

Chorus:
’cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That’s why I’m by your side, and that’s why I love you

Every day that I’m here with you
I know that it feels right
And I’ve just got to be near you every day and every night
And you know that we belong together
It just had to be you and me

Chorus...

And you know that we belong together, it just had to be you and me

’cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That’s why I’m by your side
’cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That’s why I’m by your side, and that’s why I love you
’cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That’s why I’m by your side, and that’s why I love you

bahhh

have lots on mind. but dunno how to phrase it. jus my way. here goes. photog tdy. went esplanade and took somepics. :) the conventional cam rockks! quite fun to play with. but sorry guys. was jus tried so wasnt smiling and spasticing. been the second time this yr some one asked me why i look unhappy. but not exactly la. jus tired. and feeling sticking and restless.

been thinking on the wayy home. i sometimes hate myself for the way i irritate myself. like getting picky about things. tons of stuffs. like how i get irrtated and phobic and stuff on ppl pushing and squeezing from my side. lik pushing me away while squeezing through. i dunno. mayb im somehting-phobic but i dun lik the feeling. and how i irritate myself by not liking wat ppl say. how ppl behave and all. its not even my business, why do i care so much as to feel irritated? hais. i dun even understand myself. went home earlier b4 the nightshots. wld have been cool to, but was tired and drained. the week had completely drained me out mentally and physically.

i shld stop holdin such strong beliefs that no one even thinks is a belief. i shld stop trying to believe in wat i believe in cos i irrtate myself when i find myself and the ppl ard me not being lik my idealistic belief. or mayb stop imposing them and hoping inside me that they are. cos everyone is different. and no one is the same as me.

passion. passionate

Somehow. I finally missing the feeling of feeling passionate for something. Anything in fact. I missed pursuing a common passion with teammates. Simply missing having teammates now. Yea, maybe I have teammates, or rather those on your PW team, mugging tgt one, so its called teammates. But nah, not that one. Teams mates as in those who are non-academically related one. Like canoe. I miss my fellow canoeists. They’re all nicely brown and strong and zai alr, and I’m nothing. I miss my campcraft team. Much as I have been a really bad captain, I miss the feeling of complaining and whining at them about my small blisters when theirs are damn huge and they say nothing. It’s the sense of belonging that you get when you have someone sharing your passion. Wanna kayak one day soon. hall pull ppl down but I wonder how long the ‘next time’ will be again. Passion. Pursue a passion. But I have none now.

da five people

dun care if there's tons of homwork to be done. and dun care (jus for now) that its the killer physics esp. jus wanna blog down on da5pplyoumeetinheaven. finished it! so u gusy out there stop saying i pretend pretend to read only k. really realllllyyy nice book. dun care if it was out lik how long ago and im only reading it now. i enjoyy it. thats enuff. :)

the first lesson
fairness does not govern life and death. if it did, no good person would ever die young. that death doesnt just take someone. it misses someone else, and in that short distance, between being taken and being missed, lives are changed.

the second lesson
holding anger is a poison. it eats you from inside. we think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. but hatred is a curved blade. and the harm we do, we do to ourselves.

the third lesson-- personally my fave lesson!
sacrifice is a part of life. its supposed to be. its not something to regret. its something to aspire to. little sacrifices. big sacrifices. sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. you're just passing it on to someone else.


the fourth lesson
this was what eddie, the main charc, was told by his wife Marguerite, who left him early in his life and met her again in heaven and being taught this lesson on love.
lost love is still love. it takes a different form, thats all. you cant see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. but when these senses weakens, another heightens. memory. memory becomes your partner. you nurture it. you hold it. you dance with it. life have to end. love doesnt.

the last lesson
everyone exists for a reason. and i guess. eddie's one was keeping people safe on the rides at the amusement park. there's a certian somewhere where we are supposed to be.

how come the earth so big. got so many things to learn. hmms. must start learning now. else i'll prob need more than 5 people to learn everythg. hahs. :) there's so many things to learn in this world (and heaven) and i'm only so little. so insignificant when we compare ourselves to it.

cool. dao. black.

wohoo, koped it frm char. sorry char! its so nice i cant help it! we looked dao but cool

JJ so rocks my world again. Listening to his album.didn’t wana blog but cant stand it. Mus blog! The entire album I have listened thru it only once and I loved all da songs! (: mans! I love JJ! His music jus rocks. Ahaha!Wenta my ahma’s place in da morning. Everytime I go thee, it just relieves me, lik no stress, no worries. Lik its laid back somewhat in times, but its wat gives me assurance. Somehow.

Went running early in da morning too! wahh happening day rite? Hahas. Ran 9rounds at the hill there. Supposed to be 400m per round, but I suspect its something less. So its abt 3km la. (: haven ran for long. The nice feeling’s coming back. Didn’t bring any watches with me. jus run for as long as fast/slow as I like. No stress! (: shouldn’t that be wat running is to me? i think so! no stress. As I like it. I think I’m returning to my ex lifestyle. And I think this’s a good beginning. Back to secondary times! Running on weekends stressfree. And it makes me happy too. :D after sweating it out it jus feels great! Hoho. And I forget things along the run so I feel worry free! Lik first few rds I think abt problems, but as fatigue sets in, I jus forget abt issues! Hoho! Shall run often! The feeling’s great! Plus JJ’s nice songs jus lift me up! yay!
ok im hope you're happy lik me too! off to mugg physics tutorial hmwk. hahah

hmms. was supposed to play badm in the morning. but sy pangseh me :( hurrs. nvm la.must study.

thinking whether to go casueway study alone not. did some maths tutorials in the morning. shall go runnig later! haven ran for eons. mans.. dun wana deprove for 2.4. hmms. beene thinking abt life.my life.

some have dreams
to excel in life.
i dont

some wished
great ambitions.
i dont

some have distinct goals
to move towards.
i dont.

some are dedicated in
academics. studying's a prior.
i dont.

some have passion
and excel in them.
i dont...

so where, i ask
where's my life heading?

i go to a jc to putoff making major decisions on whr i'll be heading the resst of my life. i mean, sixteen is too young a age to decide the life ahead. but i noe, two years later,when i'm put on the crossroads, i'll still think 18 is too young. the procrastiantor. the follower. when...when will i have a direction in life? when am i ready to commit? when i ask myself? and the when's a far far away. mightnt even exist. ought to start thinking abt life. start thinking wat i exactly wana be when i finish education. some ppl wished to be docs, some engineers, some models? but who have no direction? pls stand in line with me. when i was young i wanted to be a police, cos of the cool cool CIDs. den i wanted to be physiotherapist, in sports medicine. yet i dun noe whr to go. i wanted to be a socialworker, smth that helps ppl. but do i have the capacity to?

okies. off to finish homework. damn sian at home. but no classoutings nowadays i guess:( hmms.

was jus browsing ard jus now.realised somefriends changed. but comfortingly, some remains the same . i guess its justself assurance on my parrt. no one really stays the same anymore. hmms.but prisch friens some sec friends all kinda changed. hmms. i guess its growing up, growing up in entire different worlds that deviates life differently.

nice guys DONT die

argh . jus watched the last epi of the 9pm channel 8 show! argh! why must nice guys always die in the end!

nice guys dun die!

arghh! altho the liangyi nt veyr shuai, but he's cute. and he's nice. hao jiu xing le. so hao ren shouldnt die! bahhhh

why must good guys die? the script sucks la. hmpf. but ts a really sweet show. jus tt liangyi dun die than its v v v good alr. hoho
the inevitablitly of life. wahh! bahhhhhh! nice guys dun die! i repeat, i serious abt this.nice guys better nt die before i do. else i'll be damn sad lik now. bahh! :( nice guys dun die k

happppppyyy i think

i guess i think i supposed im happier

hahas, hongli's damn sweet. afta reading my implusive entries, she actually called to ask if im ok. i am. in fact i was actually alr planning to come online to delete them ltr tonight alr. hmms. thanks hongli! such a sweet girl! :)

and so im ok! (:
aj doesnt seem that bad now. despite it being a lil too rundown, too low tech (some classrooms no projector at all! ), a lil too military like in pe, a lil lao pok, a lil boring, a lil sian, a lil lil sports cca, a lil bit lok kot... i guess its ok. at least i return home at the end of the day, feeling...ok. maybe its jus cos i dun feel much for it now, thats y im lik blank to it. lik it doesnt affect me or anyth. maybe. whichever way it is, i guess its ok. maths rep! my first duty : collect ap/gp tutorials! haha. damn exciting cos i nv rep b4! wooho

got a short sweet story to tell tdy. abt my friend:
he and this girl met during o1 i think. den they were lik chatting over msn and he's lik saying, "i going to buy shoes wan to go out? " that kinda thing. den they met and he just took her hands and go. and he , i think, nv told the girl he loved her. nv asked her to be his gf. its lik damn sweet. goshh.
dun u think? its lik this unspoken telepathy, this unspoken feeling btw them. and from then on till now(and forever i think) , they're tgt. hahas. jsu found the story damn sweet :) hoho.

hmms.have been basically spending brekas with the girls in class. all qt nice.in fact very. there's jas to ba gua with, jolene to give us that " u two ba guaing away look", emily who blushes at the sight of cai shen ye, jinghang who so kindly asked the badm recreat tcher for me, minli who always get bullied by me, jiamein who's often on the phone.. hmms, sherli who is the ps pro. there's other girls too of cos. nice and very calm loking yihua, sirui who told me sista was shuai, yuexin the diehard 5566 fan, weihui who stills loves 1905 i can comprehand why, shermin the girl many guys had rumorly had crushes on, peijia the alpha list girl in the maths grp who is so smart and nice let me copy hmwk! yesyes. nice girls (:

thiss for u hongly.u wanted to noe more abt my class rite? or so i think la. nvm (: thanks for being so sweet!!!

its really another usual(read:boring) day in school for me again.
actually i lik these days, as in nthg goes thru my mind, nthg passes it, nthg sets me thinking. and my mind is blank. and that isnt necessary bad. as ive said, thinking too much smtimes isnt that good. so not thinking isnt tht bad. u jus appear a lil less intellectual thats all! :)

pe at aj was lik np at sn. lik WHAT WERE WE DOING MAN! circuits and all the stuffs. thankgod its one period only. and and and. haven ran for ages! bahh.

thts actually abt all i have to say. usual dayy lar. hmm seems lik sixoh had a pretty excitng dayy tdy. but no ones telling me abt. its okay. hmms no hmwrk to rush tdy. and physics pract pretty bad too. a few more sessions and we'll be having the SPA thing. which sucks la. tdy first time this yr for me to do phy expt la, not funny har. do two times liddat den i hafta take part of my a levels. ??? hmms. so screwd. but thats life.

Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.
- Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

been feeling kinda mean to a classie these days. lik the entire class ostro him. den on e train hm with jh, she brought it up lik how sad it'll beif im the one being ostroed. maybe i shld try a little kindness each dayy. hmms. (:

Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.
hmms, i guess the meaning of life, is to be US. be ourselves. do our thing. perhaps many things does not lie in whr u are, but whr your heart is. hmms. im too young to think so chimly. else lao cai will start calling me laoahma alr. and some irritg ppl jus keep calling me maggi. jas and classrep :( reminded me of sista .

oh wells.crapped enuff. :) tests all on week6! bahh. missing everyone tho.

walking in da rain (:

hahas. maybe its jus im a lil lil sadist. but hahas, i think walking in the rain clears my mind. maybe its just me. walked in da rain ytd and tdy... cos both are rainy night and afternoon resp. i felt good. other than hte fact i risk being sick, the rest is nice. the rain, are actually little drips. making quiet journeys down frm up there. was thinking of a lot of stuffs ytd but didnt managed to blog them down. now its gone. hais. things come and go, so i guess its ok.
tdy i thought of relations.
how relations are lik food. (or drinks), lik hot milo. its only nice when its hot, when its been left long, its cold. dun wanna elab much tho.
week 6 is so gonna kill me. physics and chem tests on the same unfortunate monday.

i lik how the rain makes the headlights of car sparkle at that instant when it fell right to the brightest spot of the light. i like how it make things seem mild, however lonely i had felt ytd. (: at least, its warm here.

i guess its ok, the way things happened ytd. was affceted by some stuffs that happened along the day as it went past. the afternoon heat and all. jus wasnt the happiest day. but chaptehing was fun! guoxian didnt left while i was joining in. ohhh. hahas. mayb its that my chapteh skills improve! but w/o a single pract its almost ruled out. i hope things over at u family side are ok. (: and hope colin did a great run jus now over at xctry!

priority changes. with every stage, with eveyrday. seemingly there are always changes in our lifes. some things grow in imptance, while others gradually lose theirs. maybe all i hope is that i wouldnt dissappear in imptance in your life completely, thats all. nt tops, but not missing at least. i can only hope tho. i never noe.

projwork is a silent killer. its in cahoots wtith physics

pw and physics. how surprisingly they both spells with P. wells. watver. im dun click with P subjects i suppsoed. oh no, i lik psyhcology and physio . bahh. generalisation isnt good. reading e 5 ppl u meet in heavenn. lik it cos its simple and nice. simple way of saying things. jus rocks.

rushing pw, tho no mood at ll :( bahh. tmr mus hand in draft! lik so FASTTT zoom. well. thats y came home damn early to pia pw. have beenn guai k. tdy pw free period dey ( jo choon chin jas ) *names halved to protect identities* were playign cards i was doing sigma! yay. i rock rite? hoho. yesyes.

drained of energy and brain cells. so nthg intellectual tdy. just smth i got frm 5ppl u meet in heaven:

strangers are just family you havent met yet.

tryalittlelistening

Went to do the daffodils day thing. Cant believe ermss… lihao and lao meow sold so fast. Feeling so loser. Me and fish are the worst lar. Haha lihao must have chrmed damn a lot of aunties! Haha. Nvm, I guess its just the thought that counts. Marg and xy came down to support too. ohh. And I have jus received some latest update or smth. Screams anticipation! But shant spoil it for a fellow relative. (: let things take its time. Ohh haha, exciting.

Feelings of awkardness around, but guess I shant ask more. Hongli asks me to not ask too mush. If ppl tells, den we listen. If ppl dun wan to say, den let it be. I guess that’s the best either way. Had so much fun taking neos! Am so broke! But nvm, the memories are captured forever and money can be saved back.

Really hope things remain ceteris parabius. (econs really rock la! :/)

Was thinking about how everyone wants to be heard and yet no one wants to listen. Ok, I know this is one old perspective, but while reflecting and thinking back on the day, how true it always applies. Like everyone is sorta fighting to gain attention to be heard, such that no one actually listens even if you do ‘win’ the talking game. Well, guess its life. Guess life’s like that. No one bothers to listen, even if they promise to be there. Maybe I should try listening and talk less. Then, I will learn more, and be a better person.

maybes

Koped this form the sisterhood of the traveling pants. Super nice read. Now I’m on to the five people you meet in heaven :) the starting seems nice and simple.

"Maybe happiness didn’t have to be about the big, sweeping circumstances, about having everything in your life. Maybe it was about stringing together a bunch of small pleasures.

Maybe happiness was just a matter of the little upticks- the traffic that said ‘walk’ the second you got there- and downticks- the itchy tag at the back of your collar- that happened to every person in the course of a day. Maybe everyone had the same allocated measure of happiness within a day.

Maybe you just got through it. Maybe it was all you could ask for. "

Food for thought ehh? I’m blogging in almost perfect sentence structure and all. maybes and all. maybe it doesnt matter if i had once lived? maybe it didnt matter when things go wrong. cos it will eventually work out itself. or so i delude myself to.

:( hmms

i dunno .but i dun like to be abandoned... nvm :)

marg was damn cute tdy,cos i crashed the physics makeup and waited until 1 to see her (haven seen her for a week!), den she actually callled to ask if i wan her to bring her hc skirt not! haha. so nice and so cute lar my dear marg! :) feels so good to see her smile and jus see eveyrone. ziyang haining yvonne was decked in pink paint. is it cool or wat?

ok, must study alr. :) must must must study. i needa find the balance btw studying and fun. but obviously i love fun more than anything else, but i guess i shld settle down and really study alr.esp physics the silentkiller. shhesh. it murders. so i better buck up. gotta prove than getting 11 points is ok! that i can still do 4As! wells. its nt helping that my physics tcher only makes us copy answers, well shalll be disciplined. ohh! and im maths rep! so i mus do maths hmwk! ok, was sabo-ed into it.long story.ask me if u wan.

ehh.was thinking of this 'love' thing.gp tcher asked during class. wat's love actualy?she wante da general accepted kind of menaing to it, but its like impossible? hmm, she gave this feeling of deep affection as love. well. there's always more to it. i dunno wat it is. but u really have to feel it to know it i guess. but its inappropriate now to feel it la, homewok, sch, family and all. and u need someone else to feel it too.
oh wells, on another erspective, maybe nt. if you see love as the general love for all kinda love.

okies, shall go and rush the homework. i wana be a all rounded kid! (like i can) but watevr! jus try my best i supposed. nth sad nor extremely happy things nowadays. yeaa. hehh
im the complete nerd man.

HOMEWORK FOR THE WEEKEND
-maths tutorials!
-econs MCQ
-GP newspaper personal response
-physics MUGG MUGG!
-PW research! ***

hate pw! its so ambiguous. well, perhaps life is. so they wan us to experience the ambiguity of it all.

third post: relief.recollection.remember

the three Rs. all today.
relief.im sorta relieved, when i heard abt the pillar thing. i think its a damn swweeeet thing. even if i dun say it out. :) that is the reaosn why i think i love being with them. they're jus damn sweet and damnn nice ppl. :D i love them.i dunno y im relieved this wayy. but i am.
recollection. of sn. of sixoh. evrything. and anything thathappened.
remember. is the only way we can do now. but its ok. memories serve well presently

penpal.i hope u dun gve up.cos i wan u to enjoy wat i am unable to in that lovely school. dun feel down :) i'll be here for you!

cancer society daffodil bands :)

btw im helping cancer society sell daffodil bands on sunday. collection pt is at bishan but i dunno whr i'll drift to. its three bucks per band.do come and find me if u can :) i'll be damn happy. msg me or smth! i can go find u too. haha. if u're anywhr near whr i would be, abt 1 to 5 pm i thinkk. wahaha. and buy one if you can! its three, but its for the cancer society so its worth! :D oh well. doing w fishh yvonne meow and sistalh! comecome!

ok, things i have been worried abt is happiness now. dun get wat i mean, but its ok:) jus noe things are happy.

ignorance is bliss.
been thinkg qt a bit abt this quote/phrase/saying. watever it is. i used to stand by it at the start of the year. shun all leaderships(in vain) , shun making too many friends in school, shunned knowing too much thinggs. bascially at the start when i started the yr i told myself jus dont care to much. and things sorta proved it rite. but halfway into the month, or smwhr there, augustine said smth lik he doesnt believe in ignorance-is-bliss theory. and the way he puts it, got me putting away my belief. now that she brought it back, its kinda debating in my mind. is it? or is it not? the power of the known. is it taht great? shouldnt things jus happen for a reason whether you know it or not? mus we always KNOW things to feel at ease, to feel un-empty? hmm, or shld we jus live plain and simple?

at another perspective, life -shldnt it be lived the wayy u wan it to be? not dictateed by yous and thems.

imissingpeople. esp vann. and lao pan. and siaosiao. wneta back and nv see these ppl. my hugg meter is down.aww.watver :) being happy is good. been living a life not caring much abt other things. and it rocks i tell you. jus cross out the negativities, smile at the positivtives, forget the sadthings, and embrace SMILES :D am happy.or mayb cos its the music that got me happy? its daividtao's jiushiaini still. oneword. rockks! on a sadder note, its not exactly a happy life im living now. in fact at aj, its lik got no life. jus go lects after lects, tutoirals afta tutorials. den after sch, all the ppl go and mugg. haha. onyl tdy wneta NYP and its only the girls.girls power:) and found outa secrets abt classies. but nthg too exciting aniw.. and the guys damn childish can. passing notes by passing off as someone else, writing love declarations to sabo ppl. children, spell C.H.I.L.D.I.S.H. wat can i say but rolls my eyes la. damn childish. childish!!!! that was lik soem game i playe in pri sch?! goshh. grow up! lik even if its a love declaration, how can one pass it OPENED in the LT to eveyrone else! goddd! save this childish guys.

which is why sixoh is always better. guys or girls. class or classmates. jiu shi ai ni!

huh?

fact is, tho i kept proclaiming wanting to lead a simple life, things that i do arent necesary that wayy. i dunno, but im jus likseeking more complexities by the things i do and all. heh. by knowing more, life jus gets tougher doesnt it? it does feel good that u're trusted, and when a certain smth is settled, but which is better? ignorance, or satisfaction?

its nt exactly satisfactn ANYWAY. is it? lik even if ppl tell me, there's nth i can do more, than make it worst.

watever, back to tdy! wenbta back and nice nice loolooollywelyn and chuanwei played guitar for me! yay! tho they were forced, but dun care! den nice nice chuanwei and gordina palyed chapteh with me! yay! chapteh nv fails to make me smile . i wonder and mazed at the power of THE CHAPTEHH. it shall b my lover one day! :) mugg! lucia mugg!!! tests, homework, pw , tutorials, revision gotta be done. ok tdy hav first tutorials day with my class the twentytwo. was ok la, at least there' was funky (or cheeky in fact) ppl who was childish but brighten up the class! yepp.

so, satisfaction or plain ignorance?

i hate it when simple things turn complicated.
i hate it when people dont talk openly and things get worse.
i hate it. and dun wan it.

i love my friends. peace pls.

life's different now

dunno whr to start,or how to start this entry. okies wore the aj uni tdy..tmr eveyone mus wear alr. i tot tdy :( oh wells. den wenta back to see evryone.they look v nice in their unis! (: hahah! saw meow mavis xiaofeng becca laoying mak guoxian chuan peihan justin haining yvonne. yepps think that was it. aha. shant be going back too often despite lessons ending on an avearge of abt 2 i think. haven yet scruntise the timetbale but lastest is thurs with pe 5plus. the rest is pretty early. a few more weeks i think the early days i wana mugg! hha. yes twhen all the killer tests come.meanwhile, shall head home early. tho i badly wanted to go back hc. lala. but shant. dunwanna taint that wonderful image of fun when everyne's mugging when i go back. haha. maybe nice days lik tues or wed where i get 2 pm days. or fridays which are nice dinner days. or weekends to fly kite! or amybe. nothing wiill happen at all. heard of probelms i nv knew of. dun noe if i shld ask, but jus hope that tings get well soon :)
life's borinng. but cant help it.life's complex, thats y its nv easy. relations are like life, the latter one. COMPLEX. dunno y but ever since leaving sn, relations have only showed its complicating (and more so ugly? ) side. like problems. like disagreement. in sn, everything was fairytale like. eveyrone was jiemeis. eveyrone was great friends, helping without any intents and outa kindness. ade told me that she hvnt hadfriends taking chopsticks for her for food alr. ok, maybe it jus that feeling that hadnt surfaced for long. (while we were at orange bowl! ) that feeling of jie mei tong xin u noe? heh. am restricting online times now! i jus did lik half of maths tutorial AP b4 coming! thats a disciplined child, lucia. :)

im jus tired smtimes. tired that i hold so dearly to things ppl dun cherish. hold so dearly onto things that is now abandoned. i wanna loosen my grip, but its lik frozen in that pose. but dun worry, it'll soon melt.and it will soon loosen.

the only way to go when u're down is up anyway. -frm some saudia abrabian aj guy who got 4as and 3s papers. during gp tdy. the tcher v fierce thoo. :P

home early!

wahah! was home at 530 today. its nt even night. its evening! hah. dunno if its a good thing. shucks! mus wear aj uni tmr alr. bahh! i still love stnicks! haha.wonders how sixoh ppl look in hte hc uni! haha must ba damn shaui and chio la. aniw, ok physics makeup tdy was freezzingly cold and my mind was blank. day was boring as usual. jus missed the chapteh-ing and crappping away in sch. but im determined nt to visit hc too often cos its so easy to gte caught nowadays. and cos of thinggs. nvm :) shucks. dun lik the aj uni.mkae me look damn tootttttt! bahh. nvm was supposed to b toootttt aniw! hahah. wat am i toking abt man! ok at least tdy nv suddnely feel v sad. sothats good :D grins! shall enjoy remaning one day of tutorials-free day. hais.shuckkks. i loving shucks. haha dunno y. aiya watever! woho. was playing the hand or palm game the tap once and go in circle thing.
self entertainment in aj is the key. self high, self amuse to make ur day better rockks. cant help it if the place is boring, dun be boring urself can alr. watver! oh wells. :D

random tots: if life's hard, just soak it in water (:

when will twoparallels meet?

just watched turnleftturnright. wells, the ending was stuipid, but it jus brought back eveyrthg again. haha. the yujian song, the acting out itself. how amazing it is that 2 ppl can b so close yet so far away. how they can always be at the same place and not meet. aww... life's nv fail to faze me. maybe thats what makes everyone move on in life huh? jus an impulse to blog b4 gg to sleep. gonna be another lonnnng tmr in sch.

but things WILL get better. (: yujian rocks!

have been meaning to say this. was walking home frm the market ytd and tot of lots of stuffs. but mental blk now so i cant rmb all.

everyone is essentially alone. i mean, there will always be times when you're alone. and in life, its very hard to find someone who will always stay with you no matter wat. no even ur lifepartner, nt your parents. people do come and go in life. even for siamese twins, thinking is also smth lonely. (oh a lighter note, dao dai is second on 93.3fm! wayy to go!) ok, anywya. sometimes i jus love to lalaa to the music on weekends especially. with the music(essentially, 90%of the time its jay's) plugged loud into the house, or into earphones, i will jus think of stuffs and sing e song at the same time.just rocks.
i jus wana concentrate on studying now. like hongli says, must pia. cos im lagging behind so many people and things. and physics econs math chem aint easy enenmies. ok nvm, i shall make friends with them instead. ok. (: forever love. evryeone wans love, but i guess if you dun care as much about it, you'll naturally be embraced in love and enjoyg it be4 u realise. and life that wayy is wayy happier.

no regrets from now, lucia. no. lookforward,shake hands with PCME please! (:

okies. "So many of us either fear tomorrow or regret yesterday. But I won't fear tomorrow if I get to be your friend forever, and I don't regret yesterday, coz one yesterday, I met you."

(;here's it. my resolution for the next month.

drift

anything that is placed in the middle of the sea, in time, will float away.
a grp of things placed togther in the middle of the sea, will to float away, dispersed, drifted, lost from each other in time.

wat an analogy to draw. but it is true. anything that is seperated will drift and only get further away. which is wat i fear. shuiying have it. anyone who left fears the drift. not literally, but you know, a friendship that is nt kept tgt, will drift. away. i fear of wat is to come. ifearofthedrift. but i guess its inevitable? not smth tt i alone can control.

drift. you can feel it. but u cnat run away from it. like canoes, in the sea without paddles. you could only hope you dont drift, but you know u do.

been pondering for at a while. now i think i am resolute. i shall not bother with too many things.its beena long way despit it being a short few weeks. i am tired. very tired of bothering too much abt things i cared when others dislik me for doing so. to a certain extent at least. lik hongli says of things... let things take its own course. yes. no point fighting and being resistent to things when they are actually supposed to be the way they are. i guuess yes. there's so many things i wnaa say , so many things on mind i dunno how to put down in words. i guesss i jus keep it in?
i ok now. it does ache me too much alr. i mus move on alr. been 3 months. too much play.ought to mugg. lik i tell minli in aj everydy, i wana mugg hard. i dun wana a repaet of my os. really.its down to seriuos mugg esp physics. shant bother wif too much. :) jus lead a simple life. ende.

hur? hmm? hais.

i dunno y.but talking to shuiying jus makes everything seems so mild. and makes me feel v happy! :) for once, i truly felt bliss in me. she's the only one who can really make me talk my heart out and in again and again.and so shuiying is my bestest bud! am blessed to have her as such a good frined! yesyes.ok wells, i guess im really bother by the fact that things hav changed without notice and warning. things aint the same anymore. watver had seem so perfect and aint that perfect and ncie anymore. people, stuffs, relations, perceptions, impression, feelings...bascially just things. i dunno.but when a fren reminded of stuffs abt ppl being erm, yes... den i realise that yes. things have cahnged. i cnat say too wells, openly but just tah things hv changed. i have been yanked out of my dream perfecrt world and find myself suddenyl facing the world of reality. i dunno. but i think i aint gonna care too much for them alr. im out of it but i still love it. but things have to be settled and make possible by those in it. i dunno. it sounds irresponsible but ppl are cheering cos tt means lucy aint gonn b bagua anymore, hooh. i dunno.cos things will be difficult. its nt too nice for me to crash lik everyday, cos lessons are starting , as in tutorials, on wednesday. and...and. i jus feel its inappropriate, nt that i dun love it, but cos i luv in too much, i dunwanna interfer too deeply. no one really wans to tell me anthg anways. hais, msn can tsign in! sucks la. whoeevr tagged 10plus hugs is damn sweet!thankyou i love you. anyway.was thinking., my world of nice ppl everywhr is simply shit? lik so untrue after hearing jd's thing. hmms, gues i jus need more time to think thru the things inside my mind now. its v saddeng so i wana think it out... throughoutly. and the fact tt i tried signing in msn for an hour plus is pissing me!seems lik im nt the onlyone, but im still v sad. i need ppl to cheer me up! anyway since i cant log into msn, i might as well crap here? okies, bought aj uni alr.okies, its isnt that bad la. just a but ugly la, but nvm, whole sch ugly tgt.been a longg day. shall sleep soon :) hais, life is sad. lik jd says. we go to sch jus cos we hafta go , nt cos we wanna go sch see frens and all. plus theres no shuai gess in aj. nt that i have seen yet tho, haha. life is lik drifting , at lesat thats wat my lfie seems lik now :/ heh heh. ohwells. thinka bt it den tmr den come and crap.