sn girl deep inside

yoshi jus reminded me. a year have jus passed like really fast! i have officially left SN for 365days! and thats REALLY ALOT yet it seems like it passed in a short span of time. maybe time shortchanged me!

but i really miss the worry free days in SN. at lkeast the worries didnt qt bothered me. i did have worries... like failing amaths, everymorning getting ppl to button up and stuffs. and the people treat OTHER people with such sincerity i actually do not feel anything. which is good cos anything that i feel is negative :/

the new year is like. so lost. so weird, so unknown.

life's rather conflicting sometimes

here's why:
-time passes so fast ive lost track of time! i promise that in the new year i would slow down my own pace, and constantly check that im in sync with myself.
-i dun like it when ppl dun tell me stuffs. yet when they tell me, i dun like it either :/
-i REALLY want to sit down properly for once and do finish my hoemwork yet i always end up doing something else. (esp reading the curious incident of the dog in the night-time! its SUPER good i just borrowed it from the library!)
-im bored at home yet i dun wna school to start yet i miss sch yet when sch starts i noe that its gns be deadly cos everyone's at orientatn for the ENTIRE week, all except me. :/
-i tell myself to be nice to people yet everytime i come into contact with them im sure to be mean ):

hopefully in this new year to come in TWO days, i would be a better person, keeping in mind the many things i have learnt, been taught and realised at nan. hopefully i would be a better sister and daughter, a better and more appreciative and less bothered friend, a more committed individual, and more caring and more patient mentor, a happier and healthier soul to my body, and most importantly, a more me lucia.


it cant be achieved. yet who says you cant have dreams? (:

bannanreeee! rocks

ok, photos of bannamree courtesy of yongchuen. some are really pretty! (: and here .

check out joyce's blogg for more links under nanofive. im lazy

now they are making me REGRET even more that i didnt bring my digi. :( but memories are sweet! (: WHEE

SQUADMATEStoday! haha. and my favouritest dose of it. i promised to go back but i forgot til this morning so i jus WENT DOWN! haha. a promise is not called a promise for nothing, much as i was tired and lazy and LATE! ahah. looked at the drillscom. haah but didnt do much help la. i have lousy drills aniw. den lunch w sqdmates and the two new CIs chuan n xuewei (: yummy sn food, no matter what it is. i love! ohh they gave me a NICE POSTER of myboyfriend! haha. jayposter la! haha.

sometimes i think its only with these people i love so dearly, people that ive spent HELL through with that i feel i can truly be myself. my sqdmates are prolly the very few people i can just go crazy with, talk crap, laugh out loud on buses and realise that we'e the only noisemakers on bus, walk around looking like some weird people in shorts and all. yet they noe all about me, that something is wrong when lucia dun talk, tolerate my coldjokes and (particulaly xh!) tolerate my suaning! HAHAH! and despite all the crap, i feel totally comfy with them. ilove all the 31 ppl right from the start! i think sn ppl that i knew in sn are the ONLY people i could talk all crap with and feel totaly safe cos they wun abandon, they wun despise. (prolly only in jokes, they may) sigh, when the new year draws near, it means that we'll have EVEN lesser time to meet tgt, safe for the bigger np events cos everyone will be busy with SOMETHING CALLED TESTS AND EXAMS. sigh,but we should really meet up whenever. but ur nco is too lazy to organise. im lousy ): i love squadies.

just now i suddenly got this dawning that... its been two years ago since campcraft com that we had late evenings trgs in school and going home with yoshi and its already REALLY dark. that repeated feeling of evening busrides home, i dunno, but it just suddenly dawned upon me when crys said the trgs last til 645pm. i dunno, im just weird, i know. :P i hope i can keep to my promise, to commit to the next ccc THOUGH the tent section have totally mutilated. sigh. i still find pegging very shuang (: plus its so near aj, should be not difficult to keep my promise! (:

sigh, new year new year
i hope somethings gna be up and happy for me this new year man,
else its gna be real bad.
looming tests
piling work
drifting minds
lonesome people.

2005. how would the end be like? like when it started? when i was fearful and a lil hateful to go into jc? prolly. im fearful n hating to go into jcTWO now. As jus seem so near, so unpreped for. 2005. when i hate to leave behind so many friends in a great school ? prolly. im going into j2 with fewer friends than ever. perhaps the older you get, the lesser friends you'll find yourself with cos everyone is always caught up with something else more impt than you, cos everyone have their own secrets you just aint the friend they would share with? im taking things slower, and much easier now. when i find myself working/doing stuffs too fast, i would want to slow down and reach a pace like that in bannamree. slow and peaceful. aniw, life neednt be so rushed to be happy and fulfilling! (: similarly, im going into 2006 with tons of worries like in 2005, with little faith that i'll make it through each year. but i noe, somehow, n0 matter how hard the going is, i'll make it somehow, and in every yr there will be times when im hopeful. there must be! (: so til then, A LONG ENTRY ALR. (: loves!

class xmas erh... party?

haha dun really know if its a party / outing/ gathering or what
but nomatter what, 2205 gathered ytd for kbox/pool/steamboat/weizhi's bday/xmas xchange all in one day! WOAH looking back, no wonder i was so tired! HAHA!

yepp. i unwrapped presents alr! whee i love my piyo! haah she got me a nicenice ( but flowery :( ) pencil case and shirt. haha! i love unwrapping presents! AND osy actually bought a cake to my house? HAHA thanks for spreading the xmas joy! but STOP wasting money my dear! hais. and minyi dropped by a nice notebook and card! so SWEET! hand delievered lehh! (: LOVES! class xchnage, zhihao the two decks of poker cards! HAHA! ive got one of it the THIRD time! but i still LOVEE it! (: thankss! whee i love receiving presents but i hate shopping for one! HAHAAH! oh wells. i forgot tdy i promise to go down for np, so yea, i should start moving my butt off here alr!

newyear resolutions

jus read the ST commentary (ms tay would be so prouda me) on newyear resolutions. its smthg like saying, that we should try to make simpler resolutions that we could fulfil in our eveyrday lives. and live with it.

LAST YEAR
1. do the things that i like and dont regret them (lik i'm now if you know what i mean)
2.be nice to everyone and go to THAT school with an open heart lar(come on lucia, you can meet lots of new ppl how exciting.! bleah )
3. oh wells. mental block. will come back one day!

i think i have fulfiled 1.5/2. resolution number 1 is only half satisfied i guess (:

THIS YEAR i wish for
1. to be happier! to be nicer to myself! by not keeping things in to myself and yet to not be too bothered about things that i can have no control over.
2. to be nicer to my family! (:
3. to be satisfied with the things i already have (keeping nano always in my mind), that i am already far more fortunate than i think i am.
4. to be kinder to the ppl around me and make everyone happy on dull days.
5. to STUDY HARD and score!

i hope this five are fulfilable. though none seems easy like last year's. its complicatd. sigh :( OK, shall start fulfilling rite now.. be happier! :) HAHA!

add a sixth
6. world peace and harmony. no disaster or war okay!

haha this photo was taken jus at the corridor of my house! our area is having this nw paint thing and they're whitewashing first. so it seems like the blockand the sky are of the same colour! whoo. cos it was raining. super random but i like. havent touched my digicam for ages!









my fave boy, right smack in the middle. he's cute okay, not in pictures but in real life! (koped from yiwen!)

laowang!

haha laowang came by! i hardly see her online these days! I MISS YOU! come over some day n gossip with me! i'm officially inviting you to MY house (the first invitation of any kind!) haha.

wwent back for ccc selectn tdy! haha erms. well, im glad to see my ccc mates! and my squadmates! haha tho peisee mus be wanting to kill me cos i told her abt the xmas party but i didnt go cos i had sl. aniw, xiaowen's DAMN NICE! she painted this reallyt nice oil painting i think, for me! (: it was due TWO years ago btw, but the wait was worth cos its really pretty. now i have a REAL painting to myself! shall keep it and ten years down the road i can auction off ( cos im 100% sure she'll be a great artist! go xiaowen!) squadmates rocks. pegged! whoo, smth i haven done for ages. the peg is STILL slanted the way it was two years ago. woah, how time flies... now both levels in ccc03 have graduated frm sn. WOAH.

SL was okay. haha. i still prefer cute kids like WIWUT tho :P hoho.

these days i jus felt a lil detached. like away from most things. from people i used to be closed to. there are many things that i used to feel for a lot, i just dont feel it now. maybe nan's wweather had been so cold, it froze the feelings in me. hehs. doesnt matter, (: i guess its better this way! (: classpost xmas party on boxing day. xmas xchange i hate! i hate looking for pressies, peijia noes best. walked the entire of nrthpt and couldnt decide. two hours! :/ i hate to shop for presents. BAHH. homework a lot alot. :( sighh needa do FINISH soon! but doubt i'll ever do it! SIGH.

things change. ppl change. i hate changes.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! christmas's gna be a lonely season. my sis are both out! BOOOO.

disaster approaching!

SHUCKS. doing homeowrk yet i dunno wat im doing. think i forgot super a lot of stuffs, in xchange for more meaningful ones im sure, but still. i needa read up now i guess. else the homework would NEVEr be touched.

nano meeting tdy but i didnt go. mummys home offday so yepp (:

i must complete my homework. i dun wna a repeat of sec3. not doing homeowrk and end up failing amths! ;/ hehs hehs. im offline more often now :) and tevee doesnt matter much anyway. hoho. shall send out xmas cards soon! its the only time im sending them out SO late near to christmas. but i haven complete them yet :/ heh hehs.

ok, i think what the nan experience have brought me, i have yet to see. what i know is that
1.the temperature in singapore seems like a few degrees higher than when i left. thats bad cos i needa feel cool, not HOT. haha.
2.i think ive become a little bit more of a quieter person now. i dunno, talking just seems unneeded now that i see how we could talk more with actions, haha. but i still talk tho, i will talk and i do talk. haha. jus that prolly now, i tend to think b4 i talk more often. :)

nanofive

before blogging about the wonderful point in life - nano5, shall do this from oily first. :)

Rules Of The Game:

1. post five weird/random stuffs about yourself.
2. at the end of the post, list the name of 5 people who you want next to do this.
3. leave a comment "you are tagged" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules.


FIVE random/weird stuff about me:
1. i hate to brush teeth at night, which i found out when i was in Nan, but nevertheless i still did brushed... cos i didnt want to be the dirtiest (i was already DIRTY enuff!)

2. i regret not buying more food back form thailand tho i alr have tons of it.. but some im giving away so im left with little! :(

3. wiwut is damn cute, and i love him

4. i have 30plus unread mails in my yahoo mail n 70plus when i checked them ytd after three weeks

5. im gna have pasta later for dinner

people i am passing the baton to: (to be thought thru later)


-----------------

much as no words could really describe my very memorable stay in thailand, just wanted to write down some thoughts perhaps.

nan is really a very beauitful place, and Ban nam ree is even more so beautiful. where the school was, it was mere beauty of mountains and greenery all around. if you were to see nan, you werent call singapore a greencity. hahs. besides, the people are really kind, thai kids are cute, and the thai teachers have been most tolerant and kind to the whole team. the stars at night were so much more than wat we see in our entire life in singapore. and i saw the first shooting star i saw in my life there, and the second, third and many more, all in one night. the night i star gazed, i think ive seen ten beautiful winders called shooting stars. ive met beautiful souls as well, esp the class of p4. wiwut, prajob, suponsa, amitta, udon, paw in the group i took. sweet smiles, childlike innocence, carefree and prolly, they jus sepnd their life being happy. (: which is something i doubt anyone in sg can do. they can play husband and wife for ages( and hours) and still run with such gest and energy. they had so little yet they seem so happy. theyre naughty yet theyre nice to you too. we cant communicate much, but u could see in their eyes what they are trying to tell you.

i would jus say the three weeks in thailand would form a very large part of my memory. one that opened my sights to things beyond what i knew i could learn. thingswere so simple, things were so slow, yet i didnt felt bored. time passed, but we didnt had to occupy ourselves with much. i had great teammates to go through whatever that came. be it the impromptu songs 'we will get there' at the opening or the 'at the beginning' at the closing ceremony, or the naught kids, or the camp, jus about everything, you knoiw you have fellow teammates to struggle(if even) throught with. 29teens , three weeks., 3 teachers, one experience. it was hard to leave, yet i wanted to be back with my family at the same time too.

not matter what happens next, i wuld jus know that my life is never the same from the one i was threeweeks ago beofre i left... having gne through that experience, having saw things far beyong life, having saw and reacjhed out to a different culture entirely. perhaps, i learnt to really cherish things in action now, then to jus say it out in words. perhaps, i learnt to have a little more patience in teaching thr slower, to have fun and to let the kids smile a lil more cos it brings jus much more joy than i do imagine. to treat people with a higher level of sincerity and perhaps now, i am able to say that i can give up majority of my material, creature comforts like the com and tevee. in view of bigger things, these comforts are insignificant and unimportant. i realise that such stuffs are unneeded for me to pass time cos easy things can keep me by. i dun have to always rush to complete things cos what is the point. completing more things doesnt bring more joy n satisfaction than completing one task really well.

i dunno, but its just at nan that i realise i could give up so many things in life and jus live simply. and jus how indulgent we are with ourselves and our spending. jus how simply we actually do jus need to get by. DANG. im crapping. pardon me i have to complete some work soon :/ (homework i mean)

much loves to all who sent me msges at the airport. sorry i couldnt reply then cos i was too afraid and all then at the airport. (; and was really surprised that lew sirui jh yue came to the airport to send off :) haha. thanks. and jo for msging in and jas for calling in. haha. and so many so many. and hongli's very creative cardpaper and sixoh's card. i jsu saw it ytd and its pretty! :D thanks! (:

nano5 was a great memorable experience, im glad i made the decision to go, that i wrote down my name at the pccg noticeboard on that v impt day cos without that day, i may never feel this way. i feel older, yet wiser and moe knowing of the world (:

im leaving! TMR

whee leaving house in ten hours! BAHH i'll miss my lovely house door which i see eveyrtime i return home, the messy living room cos of all my stuffs and the nice warm bathroom with the HOT shower, my comfy bed up above everyone, tevveee! and com! i'll jus miss home, esp my mummy my piyo and my tare! :( BOO. but i noe when i returrn, i'll still have them all. all i needa do is fang xia! (: for now at least

ate a FULL dinner at chongpang! mummys treat! oatmeal prawns, KANGKONG ilove, porkribs, baicai, chicken cubes with chilli. YUMM. my sisters got me a mp3 player its called mky3 mp3. okay sounds lame but its this erm mickey mp3 player! but i cant get it to work and dajies not home so i would do without music for THREEWEEKS! omg :( jayjayjayilove!

being away from civilisations sounds menacing yet theres also a tinge of excitment. hehs! i jus hope i'll survive this well and all, and oso learn. learn to cherish all the things ive got back home, learn to LOVE the goodness of my family n friends. and learn and be motivated from this trip, to do more good, and less evil! ok, sounds too ambitious. i jus hope to gain insights into other people other than those aroudn me. fresh new insights, sounds really challenging. where i'll go on from here is unknown, but the mystery's the arousing part of it all! (:

really will miss music.but doubt i cn figure out the player on my own :x AHAH
thanks to all for ur wishes! (: much loves!

mich for being ever so sweet using all forms of communication to say i miss u and happy bday! thanks! zhihao for calling up, and zhenghui for msning. yuzhong steph lew peijia for the msges too! cecs for the gbking. wj osy too! and many many more! ohh and my dajie for the msg the present the money the ideas, erjie for the company to airport tmr and the muffins!!! (: mummy for the EVERYTHG! BAHH. i love everyone


(in the WEIRDEST END OFF EVER )
and jay for being my inspiration

miss you all! (i'll be back 17thdec) , meanhwile MISS ME LOTS and tutucians, RMB TO DO MATHS HOMEWORK! goodnight world, miss me and godbless!

im really excited yet im scared i;ll miss home. :( bahhs. god bless everyone! calm my soul!

reckon i would miss my many flings (HAHA!) while im in thailand. so this post shall be full of pics of people ILOVE! of cos much more(butbutbut many pics are in the CD ith minli. :/) loves to all! (shall try hard NOT to make it sound like im dying! haha! :/ choy, touchwood)

HAHS

whee tired today. from nothing. im jus tired. haha
yesyes to all those who WANT to know what time im leaving, its check in at 830am, plane's off at 11 am! dun send off my dears! (: i know u all love me. between that time u could call me tho! (: i'll be glad to hear voices i wun hear for the next three weeks! (:

packing packing. headache. the bag is ultra big, i tried weighin it but its like abt ten kg only. i think the weighing machine's cranky tho. :P last day at home tmr! :/ HURRHURRS! i'll miss home. heh! i'll miss tutucians esp the girls. and esp JO and bagua mate. and weihui and minli and peijia (guitar!!! ) peijia says she'll lend me homework to copy! :P at least i requested so! HAHAH. im rather scared, first travel without my mama and sisters! :( BOO! i can do it! i really wan it to have impacted me in someway, any small way. (:

my head is still spinning from the very crowded train rides. hehs

loves all! and jus wna say sorry for al the trouble ive caused my erjie who have to buy much of the things i needed for the camp! HAAH :( WHEE! im scared!

last til the end

tdy had prep as usual. haha! (: days are getting by faster! nan's coming, home's gg away ): aww.

i think my proj oics are cute. they sent a msg saying jiayou. so sweet.

heard chengs' story frm oli abt the SWEET BOY (: i love small kids, pls be nice when im there! (: HAHA!

tmr's the last day! (: dance pract sucks cos i cant DAINTLY dance. doesnt matter. fun rocks.

my groups cool tmr. khor tod ka, khor kun ka, khor kun nai ka. (: whee our nice nice nicks. yiwen is whiny! :x jieying is CUTE. dun bully lucia there! (heh heh nvm, we got peiqi. )

im laming ard. means im tired! (: loves to all! BYE! i'll blog again b4 i go, no worried!

HOHO. minyi loves me. she wna date me out (read: check gbk! ) haha!
ohh, self delusion, i am. and i have always been. haha! if you consider calling jaychou my boyfriend one. highly chance that it is la. haha

nine to five :/ heh heh! everyday its getting me dizzy!!! HOHO perserver! :D WHEE! peijia taught me qingtian and anth song! YAY i MSUT RMB! (: THNKYOU PEIJIA! LOVES! (: guitar rocks

in a weeks' time...

HAHA in a weeks time i'll be REALLY leaving on a jetplane alr. whoo. my second overseas trip this yr! :/ DANG! its really fast and scary! uhohh.
JIAYOU. i still think i needa BIGG bag ): but i dun have. haha.

we're actually using the sn family dance my goodness :/ how apt. and that means i have to dance? BOO. thankgod theres oliv! (:
more things to be done tmrr! WHOO.

missing sixoh class chalet! i do quite miss them! really. like so many faces i havent seen, so many things ive yet to know abt the new new new upcomings in their life! some of my nicest n bestest buds made, i ought to find time to talk to them! chalets a good time, DANG but... we'll find another time. :( i miss sixoh. HAPPY CHALETING!

i feel stress! ocip there seems lik tons of stuffs undone :/ nvm , i have teammates to slog it out with me. all of whom are much hardworking than me.

i ought to do some homeowrk too, rather online when im free. yesye.

i (unwilling) dedicate my whole of the next week to ocip and the work yet to be done :/ im teaching pri4s! not very easy i supposed. we dun noe what they know. heh. but jiayou i shall (:

fifty litres bag anyone? i needa 50litres bag for erm... 50 litres bag for backpacking up to nan! (: nano5

i shant be tired!

thankyou!

whee. tutuOHfive celebrated my birthday ytd at chinguans hse. haha. no wonder no one was at the sembawang mrt :/ DANg. no girls i mean. haha. thanks thanks thanks eveyrone! (: lucia is happy. yesyes! (: whee, we have some great cooks and aspiring artists in class! nice black pepper crabs, pasta, nuggets, jelly etctec. thanks so much my darlings. each and everyone of you. nice STARS deco by minli and colouring by the rest too! and thanks for e bag! ;/ DANG i still wna steal jo's bag! hahah.

yepp (: just lotsa thanks. ilu!

HAPPY BDAY BECCA!

much loves! much sun! much girls! much FOOD!

yay, that prolly sums today up!
bought stuffs at bugis w xying
becca illegally ate her cake at the mrt stn
ate at yoshi
CABLE CAR-ed to sentosa! (OMG!, fish was damn scared! )
chairlift -ed to the beach
rest in the SEA and under the sun
icecream surprise as cake for becks by hongli
ate at pasta

yummy yumms. a nice day with becks fish xying margs hongli and myself, (:. whee!happy seventeen becks! (looks two post down) and she received my mail of sheesh... card and earrings! (: i felt lik a tourist. we even bought disposable cams! WOAH! say, WOAH! felt myself, again, truly.

yummy curry! and chocolate overload

WHOOOO! chocolate overload with minli! (: whee, the waffle WITH ICECREAM was damn nniceee! whee, actually the ice cream rocks most, followed by the crispy waffle. the whipped cream, i didnt even try ranking it :/ BUT YAY! i shopped (to a certain extent) with minli, ALONE! haha. but the highlight really was the gelare waffle! WHEE!

and when i came home, WOAH curry!!!! (: yummylicious! MUMMY's curry rocks the most. i always tot she shld open a shop and sell HER CURRY with bee hoon cos its SUPERB! (: YUMMMS. ate (small) servings after servings! DINNERing it later too! YUMMS. (: xing fu, jiu shi zhe zhong gan jue!

cdp. was okay. HAHs. jus too much lects alr, but yummy yummy day! (:

in advacne, i wanna pen down somethin for my dearest friend! (: WHEE, happy birthday in advance, its tmr, but i wna pen it down today! (i hope u noe who ure! -BDAY ON 16TH NOV)

HAH, THANKS , REALLY A LOADFUL OF THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A BABE! (: BEING SO NICE AND MAKING THE BEST OF THIS YEAR, A TRUE BEST AND BLESSED. REALLY WISHH YOU LOTS AND LOADS OF LOVE ON YOUR BDAY, BUT MAY YOUR ENTIRE YEAR BE AS HAPPY TOOOO! (: I WAN YOU TO BE HAPPY, EVERYDAY. REBECCA ANG! (: AI NI!

it hadnt been a good day, but i survived it

didnt had a very good day tdy, i mean YTD! oh well, its past 12 now. thank god but i survived it. (: thank god for listening to what i have to say inside. without faith, i wouldnt have survived, really. not that i had much faith to start from... nobody had listened when i needed to talk most. but thankgod (:

superficiality!
elitist?
think for others?
try, and try hard!
abandonment
effort?
thankyou

i have no wish to elab more. :/ im tired, thats enuff. slept at two ytd!


sorry i pangsehed my squadmtaes for lunch ): i so badly want to go and (get myself outa torture) but, i hafta do wht i had to complete, with heart. not just for the sake of completeing it. :( meet again SOON ): i love my sqdmtes! (: i miss them toooo!

ok, the world is spinning. outa sleep (:

blister, and a guitar wish

might i add, i've got a blister on my toe ):

and i wna learn guitar but its SOOO EX!
(harkmusic is the only that replied so far... )
Acoustic Guitar Group
Fees: $90 per month
Duration : 1 hour per lesson / once per week (for three months)
registration fees: $25
deposit: $50

so that works out to $300 plus plus to learn, jus the fundamentals , which is stage 1 of the course. stage two is six months, can u jus imagine how broke i'll be. sighhs. any sponsers? not very strong oso can, dun need STRONG SPONSERSHIPS FROM EXISTING FOUNDATIONS... (quotes sherm's op!) weak oso can :) 300bucks is weak! i needa job. but i cnat find time for one. plus, i'll neeeed my guitar tho they provide guitars there, if not how to pract ? ): 90 bucks, four lessons, that works out to be 22.50bucks for an hour. sigh, i'll do it one day

badminton dayy! (:

WHEE! (: badmintoned today EARLY in the morning with pecks and cecs! whee, fun fun! saw a new kind of game called picklo ball! the senior citizens were playing... they look damn pro! haha. aniw badminton was fun fun fun! (: WAHAH and we finally took neos tgt! WOAH. say WOAH. after knowing each other for like almost four years, its our first neos tgt! and its pink! DANG. we didnt pull the coloured curtain, so yea. its pink throughout. hah! ( threeL! we SHLD PLAY SOON TOO! )

aniw, i so WAN to learn guitar ): hmpf!

OMG! are cranky mouse movemnet a sign of virus? MY GOSH! HELP!!!

cranky mouse

my mouse is cranky today... last week it keeps stopping and hanging i had to pull out the plug at the back and replug. today, its jumpy. randomly, it'll JUMp to either the top or the bottom without a move of my hand :/ DANG pls behave normally.

dont dream its over

From the crowded house, yes a REALLY old song. -Dont dream its over.

There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're travelling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

and so it goes! i jus like the chorus, second para here. its not the whole song tho! (: ive dled the video for no reason, okay, cos i cant find the mp3file for it. (: dont dream, know why? COS ITS OVER. PW is OVER. haha. actually i jus typed 'its over' on yahoo to see which song comes out first, and this is it (: DONT DREAM, its OVER! YAY. say byeeee to pw!

EDIT! how can i forget my pw grp mates! (: (: (: haha, its all thanks to them that everythings wrapped up nicely, done and happily at the back of our minds already! AJ105! let me hear YOUUU SCREAMMM! okays, nobody's screaming but im glad we worked WELL together, despite 1. having bad english, 2. having bad time having FLOW and, what was that? PHARASING. hahs. 3. having NO FSC! haha. thanks to shermin jiamien junfan choonyuan! esp choonyuan for always loaning out his hse ! aha! (: yesyes. no MORE PWorries.

a brighter world, please!

yesyes, cant you see the blog's become brighter by jus some change in colour. shows prolly that jus alil effort can make one happier. i hope anyway. these days havnt had much to be happy about, tho no unhappiness, jus th elack of happiness i guess. so yea, a brighter change i do hope is a nice change. (: afterall, the true curriculum is really ending with pw op tmr. after 11, i'll be one free soul, free of jc1. (: more challenges to come, you bet. but i'll do fine. i hope. and happier! (:

PW OP TMR! AJ105! jiayous! (: wish me luck.

the more i reveal of my thoughts, the more distant i become.

ok, RANDOM thinking. hahs. aniw, YAY BECKS IS BACK IN ACTION, im glad to see! (: threeL outing soon! hahs. i so like mini gatherings. i osctro big crowds! haha

aniw, fri, me jm jh went for the njband concert. was OKAY, but the thing i like most was the talking. the three of us hadnt really talked , like really talked and LISTEN before. it was good (: thats y i like MINIGATHERINGS (points up). we'll be there for each other. come to think abt it, that day we were all so mushy! HAHAH . but its OKAY! we show LOVE!

ytd went UBIN! joy yoshi crys xinh kez (: WHEE! MORE SMILEYYS COS I GOT TAN! a little hahaha! yay yay. ubin's a really nice place (esp the sun) and the scenery. lik youre surrounded by nature's best. whee! ate w sqms and ms ng at changi, stingray n kangkong. ohh, we're thrifty ppl! (: i love squadmtaes! and wj wans kayaking soon too! YAYS! mich i miss too! and alotalot alot of ppl , four years ..theres alot to miss!

ohh, and cos of the ubin trip, we joined the SH club. single and happy (: haha! tho i would like a SLJ club. single and loving jay (not joy like joy thinks). haha.

SHUCKS

SHUCKS. (GOSH HOW LONG HAVE IT BEEEN SINCE I USED THIS WORD! (: I MISS USING IT ACTUALLY. GOSH)

I JUST HAD THIS FEELING, THIS DREAD. OF BEING SEVENTEEN.

TIME PLS STOP PLS STOP :(


RAMBLINGS BELOW
isit when u're seventeen youre bound to be bombarded with bad happenings, prolly cos theres no excuse for u to escape frm it cos you're still a kid? im still a kid, believe me. i LOVE MAI YA TANg, only thing being i havent ate it for ages! needa keep my teeth cos im aging fast! and less jabs pls, cos i still wan my arms. ok no link. took 2 jabs tdy, and its aching u see. really, being seventeen jus sucks to me. tho im not seventeen yet! but its like wat? there's really nothing u pretty much can look forward to, can you? (prolly only more jay! albums) at the moment i feel anything but feeling i wan to grow up. really, sheesh. growing up's prolly the ONLY thing i wan to STOP. right away. was at the doc and i saw these two cuteeee! kids, just so innocently sitting there, i cnat describe wat happen , but it jus give me this sense of WANTING to remain kidish. yet, no one allows me to. no one allows me to act like a kid, in fact everyone thinks I SHOULD and i HAVE ALR GROWN UP, and shld act like mature? my head! jus let me be kidish,please. at least when im kidish, ppl dun blame me for being a bad friend, ppl wun blame me for treating other ppl badly, for being mean, for being who i really am. kids really are the only true-est people in the universe alr. and theyre running out ( think ageing popn!) sometimes, perhaps ppl expect too much from other people. when ure kidish, you REALLY behave jus how you want to be, you dun even have to think abt stupid stuffs like friends taking offence cos everyone's equally no brain. hah! at least when i was young, i didnt think anyone was irritating.

BUTBUTBUT, one thing never change, and never will.

SMOKING have continued to be a NONONO to me. and im glad for it to remain taht way (: im proud to be antismoking tho expression of my dislike for smoke is prohibited in my sis's presence (she thiks i'll get killed by this one day, which is true, but dying for such a smoking cause only goes to show that smoking takes away your very sense of thinking. bbecos smoking itself sucks. ) for me at least. (: and BEER too. ivee seen , shld i say, scary reactions of ppl to alcohol. scary, and i shudders. thats y, i dun DRINK. u can drink, just dun catch me in an antiDRINKINg mood.

RANTings EXPRESSION OF MY EVERLASTING LOVE FOR HIM

him= jay! dun get it wrong! (: nov's choppin got 4.5ticks from the tnp review, see, im not totally biased to say that i LOVE JAY A THOUSAND TIMEs. and that nov's chopin rocks a few more million times! great great great collectn of songs, im glad jay waited and took time and spent effort in this, thus it coming out only in nov. not that i mind cos nov's a really beautiful month, dun ya think? this album, i really dun have any fast songs that i'll hate cos they all make it up by being eihter really cute, or duper touching. i love the fact that i can read chinese, and that chines,e the language that i understand can touch me so much! im going crazy!

1/yequ: must i say more, i replayed it prolly a million times already on my com. nicenicenice rhythm, like it used to be in the glry YHM days! i like.

2/lan se feng bao: i interepreted it to be about war. i jus love interpreting songs hte way i lik, cos that means jay have gotta a msg for us all! nicenice! (: but not my fave, but rocky songs gets me high!

3/fa RU XUE! my TOPTOPTOP song, not onyl cos my name's on the title and everywhr in the song, but also cos its damn touching to me. the longest song too! jus admit it, jay LOVES ME! this song have gotta some ancient likish feel that i like. i lik to sway to the beat in the backgrd. short, sweet lyrics. simple , that is. esp the chorus!

4/hei se mao yi: yes i LOVELOVE LOVE THis slow song too! lyrics n tune by JAY.i like. HAHS! a lil rnb and veyr nice! esp the chorus oto! and the starting two lines!

5/si mian chu ge: HAHS this is the song which i forgive for being fast! cos it made it up for being so cute in the lyrcis part. abt paparazzzi! (: WHEEE. dog dog dog. he's really quite funny in the lyrics. read it!

6/feng: i Like cos my fave DANTOU frm NQMM wrote this! damnnn sad! i rpelayed it the first time i played it, just the sort of sad sad songs lucia like. i wns rmb the lyrics soon!

(SKIPSKIP!) cos 7 is sweet like usual but 8 is really rapp!i like too.

BUT 9/ma ya tang: have this irish kind of feel i like! really, the starting music! sos weet makes me wna dance! hahahahhahahah! and there's thai in it! hello and i love you! jay loves me so much, he noes im going to thai eh! (:

10/shan hu hai: i LOVE, i wished i was lara, the girl who sang with him! nah, nvm, i sing with him eveyrday! Hahah


quit and GIVE UP! give up saying im self deluded! i dun care! AHAHA
OVERALL <3 I LOVE JAY SO MCUH! i think he reallly inspires,and he makes me a HAPPY GIRL! i'll listen to no other songs frm tdy! (: LOVES! wna be in love? LISTEN TO JAY!

RANTings on KAYAKING

have the sudden urge to go kayaking
and not laze at home! haahah
haven take the jaychou cd yet! :/ forgot to take the thing out when i was gg for the ps meeting.

KAYAKING! jus let me feel you against my skin! WAHAH. hmm 2star or no, i wan one session at least! (to get darkeR! ) AHAH. school tmr! aww. siannn (: but jiayous! its november finally. the king is here (i mean, JAY)

adopt your own virtual pet!

RANTings abt PEOPLE i miss

aww. just bactracked on crys' blog. whee. i miss her alot. been veryveyrveyrvery long since i met up with the three other girls. LONG time, long til cannot rmb. soon soon i always say, yet so seldom do i really do it. this time, i mus! :)

whee, meeting cecs n pecks soon after OP , one of the days too! yay!

and osy too! shes been really nice giving me moral support for injections.

i love my stnicks buddies! they make my life happy. (it rhymes!) nothing beats them!

i jus havent caught up with them alotalot. and michh. and wujuan and all the ppl i miss. ohh. LTG!

i realised ive been so caught up with stuffs that even i miss my sixohh ppl (: havent talked to them for really rather rather long alr! how have they been? great i hope! :) my thrreeLs, the girls, the class.

last day tmr! whee. i must b happy. (: i cant wait for yangzheng, we can play games! (i hope) i love the yz ppl! whee both mentors n mentees. thats y its fun! no ocip! whee, can sleep longer! i cant wait for OP to be over, i would be a free girl then. but really, im quite scared to leave home. like to thai. it seems alil scary, but i can do it. ive been away five days yes. but three weeks seems so long. bahh. guess i'll be super un updated abt everythg when i come back. hah!

maybe its when you meet new ppl taht you really learn to cherish the old. at least to me, it seems like so now. jiayous oneOfive for OP!

i would not freak out (chants 1000 times)
i would be able to answer the qns (chants 100 times)
i speak loudly and have eye contact (chants 10times)

I LOVE OP (1000 000 times)

RANTings abt NEday

neday tdy in school. quite fun i guess, a nice break away frm pw and lects cos it all resumes tmr again. quite sian cos... got jabbed ytd, left arm pains. whee but imma brave girl, i didnt cry! :) YAY. say im good. i used to really ahte needles, thanks to my very nice doc, it didnt seem as pain! (: whoo. but its aching now.. hah and i jus banged by left arm against the door again

jiayou for pww ajoneohfive. we can do it. i can do it , lucia. and you wun freak out, you wun! (:

headache

ppl gives me headache. some, very often. oh watevr, jus tell me my head's a headache generator.

or that listening to ye qu too many times over (infact being the only song i hear all day) gives me that headache. or perhaps this com. yes. ought to get my butt off it. (: i cant wait.

MY SATURDAY (:
aniw ytd ate brunch at macs with the yangzheng ppl! yay. esp with jo. haha. and yuklum n chinguan.yummy. i love macs breakfast no matter how fattening it is. thats prolly the best fast food breakfast except the ex-kfc porridge. :P great company too cos we played bingo and some v lame games that shows we're bored. taught shir;ey for 45mins how to pronounce perspiration and she could! :D tho after that i REALLY got a headache. BIG ONE. teaching's fun and satisfying, but it takes too much outta me. too much energy i mean. wonder how teachers survive the whole day. or maybe we're more guai ,yes? ohh, bagua mate n suyee came too...

i need ppl to be appreciative of what im doing. i jus need a thanks and a smiley face. (: ok there i go.

selfindulgence no more

i cant get myself to pen sad entries with jay's YEQU in the backgrd.

but i do pray hard, pray really really hard to God, wishing he would hear my prayers. god, bless my fellow friends who retain, who struggled, who tried, who have to spend one more yr, who cried, who ached, who WISHED. grant their wishes, heal them, bless them.

i thank you.

see this ppl who think im bagua????!!!

Are You Nosy?
Nosy Level: 70%

You may seem to be a nosy person to some people, but actually you are quite a serious person who's not at all interested in gossip. You just like to know what's going on around you. It's a natural interest and you can get offended when people tell you they think you're a sticky-beak.

http://quizbox.com/personality/test75.aspx

RANTings abt PEOPLE

perhaps its a habit thing. i dun like ppl to do things for points, for grades MERELY. it only goes to show how narrow we all are. really, there is no point doing things just cos you need to et it down on your portfolio that you did. just cos you dun wna be in a disadvantage when others are. in fact, simply put, i hate it. i hate ppl who do it. HATE such a string term, but... i see no point in YOU doing what you have no passion in. gone are those days when we do things with or without recognition in testimonials, because we want to. stak contrasts. speaks alot about the people today and those i see , dun they? i dun like. its jus me. bahh sometimes i wish i wasnt me. then i dun have to think so much abt the behaviour of people and think of how it SHOULD have been to me. i hate it. i hate being affected by the things ppl do, seeing ppl do things i dun like and having do nothing, having nthg to tel that person straight. lucia hates that. really. it drains my energy from me. its really draining. there's so many things of everyday that bothers me, yet i cant tell of any. argh irritatin sometimes, bothering others

came home damn late tdy. left sch like WOAH almost 8! haha. (:

intellectually stimulated

http://www.youtube.com/?v=5E8eyjBfwMM
HOT HOT HOT videos thanks to sirui man. JAY"S YE QU. must save u to buy! its a MUST i hope.

anyway, title reads "intellectually stimualted". haha, yea after WOAH gp lects, lucia have finally been intellectually stimulated by intellectually stimualting stuffs. ought to put my brain into some use before it decelerates and stop. haha (im sucha made in heaven for physcis! goodness) btw, thats considering the fact that my brain was travelling at all. haha.

been into lects and out for days. and pwed everyday. i need a lil smething in life that i feel missing to make my days more fulfilling more happy more intellectually stimualted! haha. its like the push, the propelling force you know? just a motivation to really do things becos you feel for it, becos you wna be part of it, you wna it to be successful, thats why you do it. not cos you're forced to do it, not cos its SURPOSED to be done. i dunno what this is, but it IS lacking in life, in MY LIFE. i NEED to feel for things. i need things that i can feel for , for me to feel smth abt! argh, not making much sense. if you know what to describe that push, that force, pls tell me. i need drive. a drive for things, that is.

in other words, i need... KAYAKING .ok, ende.

ye qu! JAY"S NEW SONG ! RAP AWAY GUYS!

WHEEE! time of the yr again, for JAY's album! first kicking start lucia's craze is YE QU! a rap, jazzy (sounds a lil jazz to me! ), rock cool RAP song! yay! you've so gotta LISTEN TO IT! nono, of cos, buy his CD! preorder! YAYA its by fangwenshan. alil folk,a lil nostalgic! (: i like it. the music's spinning in my head! WHOOOO, and a lil love love lovey as usual! (:

anyway, wr's over. and good. thanks to ccy! sorry abt the slacker in lucia.

op next. lucia the slacker haven exercised for damn long. neither have she listened to music much. still haven haven haven heard yanzi's new song! the new day or smth! i wan! and jay's! i heard alr la! haha. i wan! haha

and ohh wells, tmr's gna be long. fri's the ocip meeting after a long time, and must jab soon ): ): hais.

ohh and my niece natalie's damn cute! I LOVE! (: im so prouda her!

countlucia'sblessings

yes, lucia is indeed a really blessed child. i thank god for being ever go kind and generous to me, for blessing me with these grades that i can proudly say ive improved. nah, they aint the best, but they are something that at least, i have seen myself get best ever yet in jc. its one i had at least worked for i hope i did. i think i did, yes i did. i did spent numerous weekends meeting up b4 yangzhen to mugg, staying back after sch to mugg too! yes, i did mugg. not the best. but at least its smthg i can call my own. i didnt cheat (quite obviously) , i didnt give up even on my sure-to-fail and 1ml-filled bucket of water-with-jo physics. (: i really feel blessed, blessed by all the gods that i believe in. (: and i thank everone ard me who had tried so much (tho to much irrtation) to help lucia in her studies, to help me solve my probs, to keep my spirits during muggin up :D and also to my family for tolerating my still-messy room overloaded full of papers unfiled and all. and my sister for helping out when she can and rushing me to sleep so that i can study effectively th next day. and my mum for keeping my books and papers and specs when i fall asleep countless times on bed. and my bed for being sucha comfort during those days of muggin so that i can sleep comfy without dreams! and my muggin peeps 2205 ppl like lew jingGANG jasmine sirui emily and my saturday ppl like JO yuklum suyee chinguan. and DIANA ! (: and many many la. (: lucia feels happy. oh oh! and peijia minli and the smart smart peeps for helping me with qns, minli for her encouragemnt that i wun retain (i didnt! ) ! wo ai ni men. hhaah goingcrazy but tahts cos i have learnt, learnt very much that i ought to be grateful, thankful and happy. taht im blessed, im being watched over by angels in life (: and my pw pwpwpwpw grp! jiayous sorry lucia is lazy! we'll work hard!

i cant wait for ocip! tho im getting lazy -__-
HAPPY BDAY OLI! (: oli-go-bagua! whee!!! you chio new retro hairstyle!

lucia loves life today, how abt you?

was in the reading room this morning and all surrounded by the wonderful music that surrounds me. made me feel really blessed to enjoy, to be able to hear and enjoy the very wonderful music of voices, harmo, and guitar. (: music really made my days many days. (: feels blessed!

oh jus tell me its that people cry too easily. there hadnt been much shows whr i would cry, and so while the entire grp was weeping away by the touching scenes of the temptation of the wolves or smth... i wasnt a tad abt to cry. maybe a lil, but yea. the only movie that i really cried many times no matter how many times i watch is armagadon! (: whee. and the mvp show. cos that was damn touching and that point in time when i watched it, the separation, growing up thing was smth i could relate to. haha. not love, no. dun think i will truly find love that really touches in this world. friendships yes, love? no.

and sometimes we do overate our own ability too much. like, we wished for things that are too high for us, we really do. much as the quote that if you wished for the moon, if you dun get it, at least you have the stars. but we shld all be realistic and NOT end up aiming for the sun, when the star is actually smth we could go by. we dun always hafta be the best, i believe. (altho its highly mei chu xi) but if we always want to be the best, its tiring, and not many of us can do it. yes, if we dun try we'll nv noe. but we noe whr our limits can stretch to, and whr it ends. prolly no point wishing it ends 1876698653 miles away from your limits, no. perhaps too much adversities this yr have gotten smth into me finally. if any, it is not to be too ambitious. ambitious is good, but TOO ambitious's bad. moderation! moderation! we ought to be realistic, like if i aint that smart and i aint ready to pia til i die, we cant get that kinda results. we cant, veyr sadly. god's fair, prolly. i believe he is. unless we're real damn smart, we could nv get the scores we want with such shrt time in prep. i probably have tot smth out. drop if it must be. if it must be done, let it be done then. its will, its fated probably that i cant be that allrounded. i cant be that smart i cant. and i aint,i know. its time ppl do noe tht too. nthg very much wrong with being not as smart, working hard can make up a lil. but aim realistic. we shld perhaps all stop being so persistent. i'm nv a A star star student, why aim, why aim for A multiple stars. aim for Bs instead and we might get it. aim to promote and not keep four subjs if that too harsh on us. i see it fine now i think. ive gotten a clearer mind these days with some reading. (perhaps, a smarter me alr! ) things go wrong, but if it went wrong too mny times, its prolly our fault alr. like thign 1 is getting horridenous olevels. thing 2 is horrendious midyrs. two things at once, i shld noe that im jus not smart, not down on luck really. we sometimes blame on luck yes, perhaps once its luck. but so many times in a row, that proves we aint that smart, perhpas we shld KNOW that we aint. hais, frustrating, i dunno how to get it thru. but anyway, ive done my rantings. thats okay by me alr! (:

i thankgod for the okay results (: at least, im grateful i can be promoted.

chem results back tmr. dun ask me but i wna do well. lucks me.

people food and music makes me happy today. oh, add books and sleep!

so thats five things i love!
ilove the people who makes me happy today. peijia and nic for playing the nice nice guitar and ESP PEIJ for teaching me! i cant wait for MMMOORE!
ilove the food that makes me happy. yanyan fest! yay thanks chinguan for that yanyan! yanyans are nice! tho i always pronounce as yamyam! haha
ilove the music that makes me happy. playing a few chords for qingtian on the guitar on my own is happiness. having proguitar players like mentioned above makes me even happier!and motivated to learn guitar!
ilove books. under reminders frm becca n jo that books r great stuffs, i realise that i miss reading just fiction,ESPECIALLY robert goddard's. i got another of his book again! happiness! i gna finish his whole series! (: robert, youre my love man.
ilove sleep that makes me happy. haha! i jus slept aLOT! yay. (:

sian today but i love! espguitars!

ENDOFPROMOS

it ended. woah, i wished for this day for really long. heh. (: thankgod for all the help i got to come thru this, and now, i only hope i pass and for the pw to go well!

life's torturous nowadays. here's why.

1. like ALMOST EVERYONE ended promos and im still struggling with econs paper one and two.
2. my post promos pimples are coming out. they're lagged in coming out. and irrtating. i jus wan them away from my face
3. my stamina, oh.. what stamina. its practically non existant. i ran 5rounds on friday and i ended up feeling dead the whole night. what STAMINA? WHAT? running have become trg to me?!?@!#
4. i lost momentum studying. i cant conc on my mcqs and drqs and casestudys. sighh. i hope i do well to get a b? but .. ltes pray for miracles.
5. there's a lot of movies i wna watch! like, goal! and corpsebride. im missing out! and there's a lot of food i wna eat and alot of things i wna buy.
6. thai matters. it matters to me that i WANT to go thailand. not be left in singapore cos of my horrible results, pls no.
7. the sea and sun. no more perfect than a canoeing time! i NEED to kayak! BADLY. kayak canoe, both! i miss hcanoe peeps. but i'll nv catch up with them. i need crys xh kez to go kayaking! i WANT and NEEDS! (:
8. i promise to meet my sixoh peeps! but i also promise myself to do wel and i didnt. sighh

STUDY NOW. muggin today not much. but at least i studied alil (:

HAHAHAHAHA

NOTE TO A SLACKER.

YOU SLACKER, THIS IS NOT A HOLIDAY YET. YOU STILL HAVE YOUR ECONS PAPER !!! SO O AND STUDY! DUN COME ONLINE SO OFTEN PLEASE, THANKYOU. IF NOT YOU'LL NV PROMOTE. :( SIGHHS

AND THAT SLACKER IS ME. JIAYOU!

prove that lucia is bored

a search on yahoo on lucia, turns out



and smth on saint lucia! WOAH, the story abt how she became a saint was..rather lame but (:

On December 13th, one of the shortest days of winter, girls in Sweden dress up as Santa Lucia wearing a white dress and a crown of candles . Boys carry a candle and wear a kind of white pyjama. They wear hats that are pointy with golden stars on them.

In Sweden we do not wear candles anymore because before girls caught their hair on fire very often. Today we use modern candles with batteries in them.

After lunch most schools close on Santa Lucia day around noon. It is a national holliday which comes on the 13th of December. There are also special foods for Lucia's Day like Lussekatter and spicy gingerbread biscuits. In big cities in Sweden there are beauty contests where some women dress up as Santa Lucia and the judges and the people vote for the Santa Lucia of the year. In schools people sing Santa Lucia's song. The words in Swedish and English are in the right-hand column.

WHO WAS SAINT LUCIA?
Saint Lucia was a saint because of her kindness and her love. She was an Italian Christian who lived in Sicily in the 4th century. Some people believe she once visited Sweden. December 13th is also her feast day.

The way she became a saint was that a man who loved her and Lucia didn't like him, Lucia's mother asked her to marry the man but she refused so the man heard about this and he said he would burn her. But Lucia prayed to God to have the power to survive the fire. Because of her kindness to others her wish was granted. The man tried to burn her but she had the power to withstand fire so the man got a sword and stuck it into Lucia's throat. Still Lucia survived for three more hours speaking beautifal words.

There is also another story for her being a saint which goes like this.

Saint Lucia was a very kind person and there was a man who loved her very much but she didn't like him very much. The thing the man loved most about Saint Lucia was her eyes. Then she gave him her eyes but a miracle happened she grew back her eyes but this time they were even more beautifal then ever. The man asked for those eyes but she refused to give them so the man wanted to kill her and he killed her with a knife into her heart. (Read more about History of Santa Lucia from this external site.)



and apparently, many ppl named lucia can sing quite well. there's an italian soprano, there's oso another person, in europe who sings. whee, i like that cartoon, so cute!

therefore, lucia is bored. (SHOWN)

well, i just realise i ought to cherish life in jc. like, life here is fun, almost rather worryless. i should really try my best to enjoy it, not let it slip past ever so quietly ehh? like, its scary this feelin jus dawn on me that WOAH, half of my jc life (if i should promote) has already gone by, its really too fast! haha! so, i should start cherishing ppl ard me! YESYES> bored time now, shall find smth to do. haha. so i shall bring cam on monday on last day of promos to celebrate! YAY! we can take lotsa pics (tho i doubt it cos we'll all prolly be damn shagged. nono, girls, no. we can do it man )

... well, at least tests for this week's over.

hais. really bothered abt the phy thing. sigh i mean i knew i would screw it up but i jus got this feeling of doom right after the paper. jus dunno wat to say abt it MAN. jus hope for a E or a O ? hurr. i really need miracles man, find me one pls! ): sigh.

ONEdown.

hah. dunno if shld b happy that one paper's down. cos that means many more to come. sigh. i seem to be taking it too easy. resigned perhaps? hope not. i'll do my best but when my best aint the best, what can i do man? ahah. but nvm, i'll jus TRY MY BESTEST to PASS ALL SUBJS (including killer physics, yeseyes -__- i said that) . sigh, i needa get promoted, i wan to be able to choose whether to take three or four. i like the sense of CHOICE, see? its freeom in its simplest way. obtainable only thru... GRADES, veyr sadly.

bali bomb blasts again. reading newspapers everyday is getting tiring. tired of seeing and reading reports after reports of the suspects yet, a few months later, there's another attack. cant the world be a tad MORE peaceful? sighh. i hope everyone in the world is well.

my erjie went nus to sell earrings! YAY got ppl buy from her! YAYHAPPY for her la. (:

ok, muggish maths and econs. wish me the BESTEST LUCK! if i pass both papers tmr and the day after, i'll get promoted! (: hopefuully. lucks lu.

from minyisblogwholesale. i love!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

:: ::
Don't really intend to blog today, but i just went to your blog and yeah, i'm touched.

Yeah, this entry is specially for you. Sweet dear old Lucia!

We've known each other for like 7 years and running. Hehex, perhaps it will last till we're 70 years old. Well, i certainly hope so. Ha, glad you know that you are the one who always bully me. Nah, i take it in stride cos you are one of my oldest and bestest friend.

Hey, thanks for your compliment ar! Woah, i'm getting lots of such compliments on blogs, first on minhhui's then zhenting's, then yours. Heehee, wonder if there's more. :p

Anyway, thank you for your card and yup, those greetings and sms...
Hey, its your turn to make my day too, well, maybe after promos...
Ha, i was just kidding abt that tart but if you insist, hehex, i will accept :D

CHILDRENS DAY! i jus got reminded im older. finalknockoutTWO

Whee its first of oct, one of my fave days other than erm... the twentynine of nov. haha! its when i usually in sec sch, would secretly wished inside me teachers would look kindly on our childlike sould trapped in a teenagers' body and give us a break or some slacking time to celebrate the all impt children'sday!i mean, look, how impt is children's day? VERY! becos its a day when im happy! but sigh, this yr's childrens day is spent , you know how? muggin! ): siigh. getting older everyyr and seeing first oct come again and again jus reminds us that we're little and much lesser like children alr. it only serves to remind me painfully that im no longer a child, some naughty kid anymore. tho i do badly wna be one. not childish, but childlike. childlike-innocence, childlike-fun? haha. yes, im in constant denial. who wans to be stressed boring frustrating adult when one can be worryfree and happy as a child. (: wahaha.

two straight meals from macs, getting away from it for as far as i can for now... fattening, and veyr much unhealthy. the fries have gotten so salty. anyway at SNmacs, very much felt super comfy cos tahts where we all have been for a long! (: YAY. tho it meant three changes of bus/mrt. its worth (: dined at the thai resturant! yay! nice fooood! haha yumyumm. i always think the food is good. plus i think the service there is Aplus! there's a super long queue outside the sembawangshopping center and yet all the staff inside, tho busy was constanly smiling! haha esp the boss with the big belly. must be super happy cos money is rolling in. wahah, and the price is reasonable too! WOAH! shant publicise too much, else next time i go, got ppl fight for seats with me! haha. wat am i toking abt man, sigh, study study., jiayous!

challenge THREE

the three stands for promos. three days to promos. stands for dome, exile, fluke? haha,bad try at some D< E< F thing. anyway, during GP we watched this arts film called Osama, abt a girl named osama. was really quite torturous having to watch women being undemined and OVERLYcontrolled. sounds a really bad case of inequality over at afganistan where there's the taliban. anyway its defunct now i think. i wished its non existant alr. women were like waht? rubbish there la. haha. quite a nice film and a good way away frm preps for promos. tho at some point i was falling asleep... thats cos im tired! haha

yeayea. studying these days in school was considerably effective i supposed. i jus lik to isolate myself and study, but with ppl i noe near. haah!

alrites, lucks to me for promos. jiayous lu. u can do it!

JAYOUS (jay wei ni jiayou)

i am unprepared, given the three days left, but i think at this point in time alr, i'll jus give it my best i suppose. (:

whee! (: jo shares my joy in mayday! (: WHEE she agrees its very touching too. but no further discussions tho, cos im too excited abt it to evaluate it coherentl. jiayous! JAYOUS

): not what i seem to be

sometimes i wonder, do i have gd frens? perhaps, no. cos i nv do reveal things botheriing me to others, perhaps other than osy. thats an excpetin. i nv do really let ppl into my life.. nv. perhaps jus school life yea. who do anyway? few i'ld guess. its jus this dislik for having other ppl whom u dun noe what they are feeling into ur own thoughts, thats dangerous? whatever i am not seen to be is masked. perhaps behind some masking tape? taped away in lala land, with my invisble friend.

iaintwhatilooklikeiam. perhaps, less so do i noe who i really am. is this identity crisis for what.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FONGMINYI! (: WHEE! really glad u still joke with me here and then (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAO MA! (: WHEE missed ya like crazy! ( : i do! hope u're doing good revision for promos! we can make it rmb? :) :D mavis rocks la (:

i feel happy for friends who are happily in love! (: whee! haha.

mayday makes me a more sensible person! i think. but jay makes me a happier girl

slow rock songs

i didnt wna blog. but reading something tempted me. oh wells, it'll be short, it will. here goes, the thing i read is smthg abt eveyrone makin vows, promising to change for the better yet we often do forget them almost as soon as these vows are made. perhaps its the nicenice mayday songs that brings out the mood. hm

i guess this touched somewhere inside, on days when i go pesimisstic and thinking, that i want to be someone who is better, one who is kinder, more caring, more concerned, more oblivious to bad things. but i never did go any nearer towards being any of the things i mentioned. i remain one unkind girl, bothered too much by realities of life, irritated that people arent what i wnated them to be. they perhaps will never.

we are often too much of impluse, too little of thinking. too much of rashness and too little of care. too much of bad, too little of good. that we go around hurting people with words, with actions, with atttitudes, with behaviour, with mannerism, with anything we can get ourselves to do. even with our inner most thoughts we can often hurt, not physically other, but inside us.

i love slow oldish sounding songs.

sometimes i jus lik to think back, of how more fulfiling a life i would have led if i was that bit kinder. but then again, it mightnt be me, if i werent the me i was. i tried to keep quiet, to observe more, to see more. and i think when u dun tok as much, u do see more of people. i see that people tend to turn to whoever theyre most comfy with to chat, they are often smiling? they... i dunno, im a really bad observer actually. haha

to the nicenice songs playing on maydays' Disc SEA cd, i love it (:

anyway, i donr ranting. i think i am done. (: at least now i dun have so much things on mind now. off i go to study, i needa pass. ): i do. ! gambate

i love days when im happy and contented

yepps, i love days when i feel contented and happy about my very presense.

this doesnt make sense so dunbother

'nth has changed, yet nth's quite the same',

got this quite from somewhere. its rather rhectorical i think. im breaking my selfdiscipline to not blog to write smth abt it! haha. i really think it does apply to very varied yet multiple situations. im glad today cos 1) i met my pri4 (i think) friend and he recognised me and i recognised him! 2) i have received sweet msges from friends i tot have forgotten my existence these few days! (: promos are coming and i reallyneed some motivation! in a weeks time! anyway, the fact is, 'nth has changed, yet nth's quite the same' this quote. it sorts of puts down in words for me what i had felt sometime bck, that saw reduction to nil regoings. i hate changes for one, i think i have said it enuff, but i guess when things dun feel quite the same, i feel sad. prolly someone will tell me, we still miss u we still do. yes they do, but things are quite different. i can nv be in the know of all that they do everyday. its small things in school life prolly that makes one feels attached to ur frens aint it? missing out on the small things isnt quite the same as being filled in on things. anyway i jus needa crap, so yea! (:

i cant get into jcnet ):

i jus wna feel like earlier. happy and contented that u do get rmbed. long lost classies prolly will still recognise you. prolly. and you hope for prolly to become WILL. MUST. anything absolute, haha. meeting ex classies oflate makes me happy. somehow, its another kind of joy altogether, like one that comes DEEP DEEP DEEP from within. hahs. perhaps its smth thats been buried with time and finding it again brings about a great deal of joy and happiness i cant describe. i realise a lot ofthings, i have already chosen to forget,like today emily jus reminded me of sec1 stupid things i did in np. haha like standing in the corridor and greeting ma'ams. totally disgusting if u think back now, but we did those. prolly i was too paiseh then to rmb. but its jus dug out? dug out and you feel happy that actually u do still have such memories. u jus hafta search hard enuff. and i actually rmb a name i haven rmbed or thought of for at least 6 yrs! chunxi. the name jus came to mind when i saw him like woah lucia have super powerful memory! (: all n all. im happy im grateful. im missing ppl.

whee hn's damn nice! he came all the way to aj to pass me stuffs! yay haining rocks man. really paiseh cos i brought him ard amk central trying to find 74. and i took the wrong bus home. was waiting for 853 and i tot a 169 bus was 853 and took it. thank god it does go yishun, but a much longer way. ok, end of an exciting busride. felt my face warming up when i got enuff courage to ask if the bus goes yishun. im sucha idiot travellers guide. lives in yishun my entire life yet i stll dunno the bus. studied in amk yet i dunno amk! ahah! oh wells, lazybums. get working!

countdown to promos. sucks.

ugh! whoo ive managed not to get online ever so oft and ever so lenghtly! yay. promos coming and somehow it makes me feel that some people aint wat i see in them anymore. jus no more. maybe its that new impressions dun last. but jus a tad disappointed that people perhaps are more selfcentered, prolly more unlikeable than i think. humans are a buncha problematic ppll arent they? i jus dun bother as much as time goes on. apathetic ehh? yes, very. apathetic means accordingly to dictionary.com having or showing little or no feeling or emotion . very true. if people were more concerned instead of having the word 'promos' hanging by for every excuse, perhaps i would have been more glad, today. and everyday. perhaps hte word promos and muggin have also been my fave word number 10 perhaps? but thats cos i hven studied, i have so many things to complete, i have a caring heart (yesido! i still go yangzheng) , i still go out to celebrate bdays (or try to buy smth at least) , i still have hearty AND HEAVY meals during breaks instead of cramming in i-dont-know-what stuffs can be possible, and most importantly, i still bother. of cos this doesnt go out to anyone, none at all, i jus need to put it down. disclaimer if not later get sued! haha. if they were more concerned, or a lil bit more bothered, perhaps there would be no need for me to feel apathetic. i would like to have felt for things, i do. not remaining as some blasé, indifferent, unconcerned teenager , angsty and all. i dun wan to. but situations have it that i do. all boils down to smth, stnicks still rocks the most, sn girls in particular. perhpas not me, but all sn girls dun leave me feeling apatheitc and all. they dont. but other ppl may do.

happy birthday chinguan. (: our jiemei

minyi's been real nice the other day. she jus suddenly called me and i tot what it was for. turns out she jus wanted to talk to me cos she very long nv talk to me alr! whoo,boy, was i touched. how sweet was that! we used to talk (altho like twice a yr perhaps? ) in lower sec, and she moved here and there and ...lost touch. very much of pri sch have been forgotten, perhaps cos of smht bad towards the end. tho things turn out fine eventually, pri sch seems a huge dist away. really glad she;s still in aj! tht makes us school mates! really missed her laughter and being susceptible to bullying. i still bully her, but shes jus take it in her stride! tahts y we remain relatively talkable after so many yrs. looking back, ive known her for like 7 yrs running! WOAH, i do treasure it!and she'd slimmed down so much! (: whaha! yepp, all in all, that really made my sunday. the sunday she called. whee

happy birthday yuexin! (: ok, belated! haha. but hapypbirthdya all the same.

hmm, sept's have a sudden surge of ppl having bdays somehow. haha. when i was younger i used to hope my bday wwould be everyday, not cos of the presents( but of cos played a part) , but cos that would mean i will be very happy everyday. but yet, as i gro older and i see reality, i see that people need not be very happy abt their bithdays. why. not cos they dun wna grow older (tho a substantialble reason) , but prolly cos they dun feel happy at all no point feeling happy oONLY on your bday? dunno! haha. i think so only la. ofcos ppl may be sad on their bdays for other reasons, but bdays get less happy as we grow older dun they? i dunno. sigh, this yr my bdays with the thai kids, jus hope theyre nice kids! :)

haha, talking abt kids, last saturday went yangzheng, my ears almost got blasted by primary 4 children. man, they were MUCH louder than i am! gosh ogsh, to think i tot my voice was damn loud alr? haha.they were even louder. every muntain have a even higher mountain ehh! hah, thats bad. anyway, was damn bad. my ears were liek so comfy but weird after they left!aahah

anyway just wanted to come here to crap a lil and all before i start rushing out all those homework. hah. i dunno, i noe i shldnt slack when we're at three weeks to promos, yet i am very tempted to slack. i am very tired of doing homework when i can watch nicenice ice hockey show with shuai ges. but yet i must. and i noe i ought not be so stupid since im supposed to have studied alr. sigh. first de eqn sucks. and pw, sigh.wr :/ . ohh but smth happy happened today! at ps we made contact prints for openhse and we actually used 300secs for one. but after innovative hinho tot of using the flash, we took like 1sec? and i like the darker tone! WHEE. ok. yea, thats all. pretty much nhtg to think and crap abt nowadays, cos lifes been a rush and things zoom past, and theres simply no time to get a rest. oh jo got a relaly COOL nano ipod! COOL COOL! haha, ok,just lik jo,its cool! :) its so small and sleek! WHOO. and i brought yakult todya! haven drank it for ages! its yummy! and sigh, thats all actually. haha. i jus wanted to slack for a while! alrites! no unnecesary online trips now! :) jiayous ba . ive crapped enuff in 15mins alr! :) oh smth else

i was thinking how come we always think we undertsnad ppl, we know them, but we actualyl do not. WE think WE do, but we dont. we never really understand ppl totally do we? ehh? hmm food for thought.

WHOO! squad outing ytd at pasta yummy yum :) haha. not bad! abt half the sqd turned out! whoo. thanks to woonling xiaowen for orgainising! we shall have one more on christmass! (:ii'll be fun too! ahhah. but i missed maf instead :/ we were at pasta from six plus til 9plus! haha i think the ppl there hate us now. haha. yepp, that pic was without lydia ): my laughing laughter lydia. haha. ok, all in all it was just fun talking and crapping with sqdmates! whee! okok! ): lucia mus study alr! sianed, whole day nv study again! BOOOO

happy birthday mich! (: happy swweeet sweeet seventeen!

sometimes when opinions clash, impressions change

Hmms, i guess when u first form an impressions, its easy. cos there' aint many things to judge, u only base it perhaps on first few exchanges u make. but as things go, and u know the person more, opinions clash, i find myself rethinking. like example a person who talks reason and thoughts with me whom i hold in high regard, told me smth i dun agree with, like totally. it makes me sad cos then, i feel weird. like i dun like a certain person tht much anymore? liek impressiosn jus will change.

nah, that was crap. i OUGHT to accept ppl's opinions and not FORCE my thoughts on others. i noe i ought to, long ago. but i made no progress. only thing i do is, say ok, and dun care abt that issue. ):

LOW PRODUCTIVITY. MPP=MR*MPL , MPLlow, output low. haha! crap! i need motiviation that peopel now have! and i will (: jiayou me! jiayou me!!!

HEy (: (ok, no one sayd hey to their own blog, but ...nvm)

anyway, this is an long dued advertisement i must make for my erjie. she's into erm, making earrings, so if u're interested in erm...earrings, you can go to her site and see. there's a few danglings and sorta. so yea, if u wanna she'll damn happy i noe. haha but i dun wear, so support her yea? (: haha. there's some 4 plus to 7 plus one i think, so yepp (:

http://www.angelfire.com/rings/hangons/

yesyes as a nice sister i mus repeat... SUPPORT HER OKAYY. that is, if anyone still comes ard here. (:

STUDIED TODAY! (: whoo, but a lil lil only.but who cares! as long as i did! and i ate xiaolongbao! WHEEE (: nicenicenice yummy juicy hot tempting xiaolongbaos! YAY! ok, im tired, off and away alr! (: xiaolongbaos make me happy

whoo. bad day to stay at home. some construction's gg on in my blokc and i aint exactly sure what it is. jus tons of think white pipes. and the weather is hot i cant concentrate! ok, at least i did some phy mcq. but gosh its tues alr ! and all i have on my reocrd is mcqs? jus tell me im dead. today's the first day that im staying at home and officially starting to mug. just try telling me how lagg i am behind.

ytd had the whole morning doing nthg cos we end up pasting flashcards on vanguards and tearing them off again. total wasted time cos ltr when we went to laminate it in the staffroom, we reprinted like ninety percent of those that we have printed. so i laminated the whole afternoon away, watched away the night. when i tried phy mcqs last night, eh.fall asleep in a minute! :( thats y i couldnt go and ask pillai any qns tdy cos i got no qns. sighh. jiayous! (:

haha jus some picss. this cheezels was given to us three nicest ppl in class by some aunite whom we bought lollys frm. (:


some lucky shots at fireworks durng ntl day


JAYY! (: HOHO so shuai rite

ocipp

whee! jus came back from the ocip camp i have dreaded a lil in gg. but i have nt regretted going. (: cos its been fun, but scary. and i feel the ocip team is really nice. haha

aches in the shoudlers now, ought not type too much, jus that ocip is a buncha really good ppl. i hope we live well tgt too. thanks everyone who encouraged me! sorry for holding back lunch! hoh. more meetings beckon! but i feel, (aside frm promos) its okayy cos for end we really needa lot of sorting out and stuffs. at least its only one day now (:

and vaccinations sigh. means must take jabs :( booo.

yepp, i had a great 2 day camp! tho the floor is cold and the night even colder... haha. (: tired now, gtta sleep early.

hahs. im quite tired. really rather tired now. studied for a while today but was in front of the com for even longer. doing the english stuffs for ocip. sigh, so tiredd! and tmr still have the camp til saturday! lucia wans to sleep! ): and homework and muggings undone. jus this onset of tiredness. cant reason why.

stnicks today; great, no, more than that!

stnicks trip back was great. i was just veyr veyr excited to see so many many many other familiar faces again! its been long since i had sucha great time, being like knowing practically every other person i meet along the way, shouting across the canteen like its my house (its my second bestest home afterall), feeling so relaxed and letting my stress down and all. :)

whee. enjoyment. simply happiness. nv felt quite like this for long

didnt talk much to most ppl i saw but i miss them i do i do! liek xinhui crys kez. promised them bball but i pangseh them! sorry girls!!! but twostars yesyesyes! esp with xh to malu with me, yesyesyes. and donna ah ma and shun! shun have grown damn tall (not lik i didnt realise, its jus more obvious now! ). joyy mich and wujuan da chiobus. haha. and mich taught me some song on the piano. i promise to TRY to rmb it!!! i do i do! and visit wujuan while viisiting my ah ma yesyes. so many others... like ltg, yingyi (tho shes in aj), chang!!!, joyce the 1000 rupiah girl, shihui my idol, siaoer, mik and the funky hair, becca!!! , cecs and pecks! steph and the tighttt hugg. i hope her legs are well soon! and the list goes. its so cool, like the ENTIRE canteen is FILLED WITH EXGIRLS. didnt wna leave, its sucha great feeling. its the feeling of HOME, yet a lil different yet very heartwarming indeed. lik i cna just shout LOUDLY and eveyrone else will do that too (rather than stare at u in pure shock and disgust). really, im happy. its such things that stnicks is the only one that holds my heart back. ilovesn! i really do.i love the familiar feeling. and talking to mrs seah is nice too! i still think 4g is the bestest class to mrs seah! hoho. and jacob still rmbs me! and ms lee is dman friendly and she got new hairstyle. so many memories, but the day must end. my sn teachers rocks, how i wish i can have them teach me forever, esp seah.
then, there's always the YELLOW STICKER. hello, which stnicks girl needs a yellow sticker to enter! hmpff! thats small, i dun care, fried food irresistable, orange bowl and soup! HAHA! and milo milo frm mobeen! (: whee.
i wan more stnicks! i want i want!

oh wells, its become rantings alr. i think sometimes when i walk on the street and i suddenly become quiet, its prolly cos im uncomfy, im tired, or im thinking. i hardly talk do i? i am a quiet girl actually! believe me. haha. nahh, but someitmes its the justdunfeelliketalking mood. (: yes, but at stnicks, im chattiest. (: HOHOH HOHweijian tmr!

to those who made a difference in me, thank you

Given tomorrow's Teachers' Day celebrations, i really feel a need to feel thankful for having some teachers in life that i meet, that do make a difference to my life. and a lot of difference they did. of cos there's definitely mrs seah.

mrs seah, the teacher who really did made an impact. shes one of the most sincere teacher that i have came across and probably will remain as that. not to mention the e8 to a1 grade in maths, theres always the effort, the extra effort that she went to make us understand maths, the subject full of complex numbers. yes. COMPLEX ROOTS AND WHATNOT. hahs. and her one is not a prime number, this is my pesent for you remains greatly and largely CLEAR in my mind. i miss interesting lessons of hers. and she has prolyl neglected her family very much for students. bad students like me who attempts to sleep during lessons or laugh at her during class. thats bad me, but she's simply great. i cant fathom how she's able to give so much, yet want SO very little. i still rmb the spongebob we gave her last teachers' day. now, the class i do belong to no longer exists. i jus hope to catch some of them tmr. :) i still rmb gulitly last yr when she first took over as form of 4grace, i just pointed --> at her and says SHE SAYS blah blah. thats not very polite and i regret it. haha. thankyou so much, thank you. (:miss ya lots mrs seah! :D

mrs chan, who prolly will nv read this. morris chan. i jus felt i must mention her, rolly cos im afraid i'll forget, i may lose these memories. i may. consideering the number of years i haven been back to chongfu and prolly nv will, she has prolly forgotten me. but teachers do make an impact which students do rmb dont they? mrs chan does make me a more conscientious girl tho i have lost it now. she may be alil slack thinking back abt it, but she encourages and thats enuff.

my pri 2 chinese teacher yang lao shi and pri chinese teacher i think its, chen lao shi. well, both of these female teachers, they really encouagred me to learn chinese, to better it. i jus rmb loving chinese lessons then.

mr chan, my pri3 form tcher. he was the one who made me love art. who made me want to be responsible by making me monitoress for the class. that really made me realise that hey, lucia is capable to a certain extent at least. and best of all, i am able to go into the air-conditioned staffroom frequently! :D

and many many other teachers who ahve taught, and made me learnt. lik john ng. the best thing he did was that write on the back good points activty. i loved that. at least that forms part of my memory! (: and that was fun. someday soon, i wna do it again!

to those who made a difference in me, thank you (:

;wrong site, pls redirect.

I realised i am addicted to reading blogs by literature students. Literature students, those that weren't forced to take literature anyway, are super good with the linguistic aspect that u have always wished i was more talented in. Their blogs have such fluidity and flow, yet not bombarding me with too many unknown words and phrases to showcase their full length of vocabulary. they do not. and that makes reading about the mudane lifes interesting. I wished i had given literature more time to get an A1 in the Os to pursuade myself litearture was my cup of tea.

Was browsing this videos website, its rather good. The standard of the videos, and they all are cool. (at least those that i've watch). wish i had longer attention span to give to the videos and nothing in my mind like that of a maths test tmr so taht i can watch all the vids. they are really rather long, but interesting, some i would say.

Its a warm sunday afternoon, and I wished someone will pick me up from my dreams and remind me of the maths test I have to study for. Wishes are granted, i just reminded myself. Weak one there trying to make myself realise.

XIA TIAN DE FENG

lucia wants to learn the guitar, anyone wans to teach her?

ughr, that 10 mins learning the first 10 plus notes from peijia wasnt enuff. i wan to learn! but my fingers v pain after that! but i dun mind! hahah.

and yuan wei jue xin's NEW album is damn nice! XIA TIAN DE FENG IS GOOD GOOD GOOD!

must study mathss alr! hoho.

next week there's ocip camp. so means i hafta skip the yangzheng thing.
and there's promos to mugg for. i needa motivatn,lord. i wish i as in stnicks. at least i prayed more to both the guanyin n god there. now, somehow, i do miss the entire sch praying fo good results and good health when exams approach. now, one one prays for us anymore. prolly why there're increases in falling ill sypmtoms in general. wished i cherished my time in stnicks more. st nicks ppl are still the best ppl i've known, things do prove in. (mathematically and non mathematically)

if i was in stnicks, i wish today wun have came.

-character flawed;

someone today made me think alot. a lot. that i got back to the days whr i'll note things down on paper, poems, prose anything, jus my tots. feeling all for smthg. so here goes. whther u understand or not, bottom line is, live and let live. we aintperfect.

Sometimes i think,
Are we too harsh on people sometimes
Do we demand too much from them
When we cant even give of that much.

Sometimes I think,
If we all are that perfect
If we all have no faults
That come by with every person.

Sometimes I think,
That everything will be fine
If we all know not
The ability to think.

Sometimes I think
We don’t even qualify to be called friends
With that vicious character trait
With which we treat our very own friends.

Sometimes I think ,
Life’s really going badly
That everything is flawed
Yet we see ourselves not.

Why is it that we can
See all the faults in the world
Yet we cant even spot our
Very flaws.

Sometimes I think,
Are we all saints and no sinners?
Much as we advocate our superiority
All we did is make our best, lower.

;thats a lame one -

oh wells, jus wanted to put up tis pic. no reason why. cecs, here u go. (:

life's been alright alright alright
jus tot of this, ehh on the bus.

i am not perfect. if i am anywhere far from being perfect, at least i'm myself.

doesnt say alot? hmms, probably. but its been a LONG time for me since i have these nice catchphrases i love to note down. lucia's actually quite a thinker if u didnt noe that! yesyes. eveyrone have been sick, thats bad :( get well soon! okay? hah i jus love toking to myself. anyway, did i say? blogs are OPENED stuffs which i shall be aware of the risks it brings and blog little details of my life here in case one day i get stalked and killed. crap. but TRUE. so its a paradox? haha. anyway (: its barely mid week and im burnt out.

sigh, takecare! the muggins mus begin soon. (READ: NOT MUFFINS PLS)

i saw junyang on the results show, really quite kelian. the unfairness in life is really. argh. its really a pity he's nt the superstar much as i dun support him that much, during the initial stages of the comp i got support him and derrick tgt one . sigh.its jus reality i guess. and we have to learn to accpet it. sigh DANNGG.

did cip at yangzheng ytd. quite ok, the shorter roofs reminds me of pri sch! haha. (: kinda miss my prisch friends. sighh. after promos thats all shallbe. :D yesyess. jiayous jiayous.gtta start to mugg soon. sighh

aug14
today's chat with lucy made me think about how i had miss being part of sixoh in school.. i was thinking about the fun times i had cheonging to lessons to coop the back seats of the classroom

hoho fishh said that ay. true.. somehow a part of my mind had tried to put hc away, intentionally or no. and if she didnt mention it, i would have forgotten that very part of my life not too long ago. sighh. gtg study econs. shall continue anth day! lik tmr! haha

aug15
yesyes, im back tdy. ocip today wasnt that bad except the bad time. it ended at 8. haham so here i am undone with tons of work which i am going to do now.

anyway yea. i msged huetheng and she said she misses me! haha and hc too. yea, its really nice for her to reply cos i jus send some Hello huetheng how have u been stuffs. (: nice hearing from her and all. yepp! i guess to a large extent that partof our life shldnt and wun be forgotten. its like more of a memory that wwe will rmb and miss as we get more and more busy. lik me not wanting to fail promos, and decide to mugg hard and online less oft. (: yes, tdy i came jus to finish the hc thing. jus my tots and all and i shall b a mugger. yesyes, till promos end! (: i really miss laopan osy becca elaine janet xying von laoma hongli. etc etc. yes i do. anytime u ask me i do. its jus a matter of whr in my mind have i left them. front back side. jus somewhr! (: im glad i made such good frens lik them, and i do hope more than we remain in contact lik til i die? haha. yes

anyway my ocip trip is confirmed! 27thnov to 18thdec! three long weeks. dun miss me. DANG.preps starting soon. hohoh. ok bye! (:

blues day u say, will go away. i say, its gone becos derricks gone :(

sigh i finally watched the results show when derrick was out. downloaded a hell lot of his vids cos im so gna miss seeing him sing on wednesdays nights. sigh, hte shows a no show without e guy i support. somehow as u support a person straight thru so many episoids, u will bound to feel very very sad when he's out. u'll miss his presence, and i will.

when i see his face jus when the results was out, i cried.
when i hear him sing the last song i prolly will hear frm him -hen xiang ni, i jus cried. prolly cos i was alone and feeling very sad and watching all his past videos thats why. sometimes, i jus hope i dun support anyone. no one. but thats impossible tho. i still rmb i almost cried two yrs ago when i supported the sg team in the badminton/tabletennis/swimming stuffs SEA games/olyp. den they lost :( my sis usesd to tell me that whoever i support always lose. :( its jus true again. i dun get why people think derrick dun have a nice voice. i cant comprehend becos the first time i saw him on the prelims rd, i was thinking, this guy has got a unique and very nice voice. hey, its wat his voice is thats make him so cute! :( but sigh, he's out. and im dammn sad over it. at least for today. sian, stil mus study for econs. i lik evey song that he sang, cos it touches me somewhr inside. and many of those songs were once my accompanial along one of my days these 16yrs.
kuan huai fang shi, piano, chu ci zi wai, wo zui shen ai de ren, yue liang dai piao wo de xin.... and so on :( sighsigh.

im jus blasting his every song over my com now. DAANG. i am an inconsiderate nieghbour. jus let me listen until its enuff and i'll get back to studying.

we'll get there (:

;and i live in a deluded world but i dont care wat u think

sigh,bad lucks on the rise! i jus almost finished typing a buncha crap and its gone. irritating wat can i say? anyway its jus a buncha crap, shldnt matter much,but on bad days like days that i have, it mattered. sigh... wheres my becks to sigh with me? :( ur com get well soon leh! i miss u alr!

anyway jus was saying before blogger dumped me that derrick was out :( but hell, i care not about a bunch of things u say (the non-appreicatv ppl! ) that derrick sucks! hel, no he doesnt! and watver u think I DONOT CARE! haha. u havent had such a great impact on people, u sad thing. haha. derrick is good lor, its his uniqueness , his unique voice that makes huim special. think abt it, if u wan someone who can sing well, there's a whole lot of singers out there! why do we need ANOTHER one .yea? hah. yesyes. so derricks the man whatever it is., delusion call it all u can! derrick rocks! (:

and the jaychou/ reporter incident. sigh, didnt wna watch the news at first but think that dumb reporter really provoked my jay! thats y he's angry ok! u dun be so mean to jay!!! he's innocent! hmpf! i still believe jay is a good guy! (: he is he is!

yea. listening to penny's new (or not so new album) cd. lively songs but not too impressively impactful like the national day song! i havent even rmb it in mind yet! it jus aint catchy enuf? hah. wanted to write smth meaningful unlik my previous long un full of meaning posts, but if forgot alr. i think i think best when alone, and on the bus. i jus like my thoughts trail. but bad thing is, when i try rmbing them., they're POOF. gone. :/

I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a human.

Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.

By Ben Stein

jus read ytd, the email that ms tay spammed our inbox with aint that SPAMM ehh? haha. at least i found this exceptionally meaningful and went back to my email several times to read it again. this is part of it.

seems pretty philosophical yet pretty simple. i guess theres a calling in eveyrone to serve, to help. not to let others see, not to show off, not to try to be kind. i guess it jus calls. like a spontaeous thing that ur gut feeling sets u to do it. and yea, thats truely helping others' life. not thinking that u're the greatest by doing what u did, but jus hoping u can make a little impact and posiitive change. hahs jus smth i took home from the ocip meeting on monday. (:

its gna be hard not knowing any much friends there, hopefully will make some friends there soon. tho eveyrone seems to know each other alr except me... to really enjoy the trip i need friends. and prolly thats what i hope i'ld gain frm the trip, and insights and a whole new realisation.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OSY!

i think i owe u this so i shall write BIgg BIGG for you. sorry my screwed phone and i end up nt being able to celebrate for u! :'( sighs. but happppy happpy seventeenth birthday hoho! yea yea! (: so this p[ost is dedicated, away frm my ramblings tho im very tempted to rant on abt this CUTE LITTLE girl who kept smiling anf looking and waving to me on the bus two seats in front! haha. ok, i jus rambled. but osy, haha! this post is ALL for you being sucha a great fren these many many many many yrs and hours and months and days! (: ai ni!

wheres da love

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't really know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't really know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found