till i become someone better

returning, going back. it keeps playing, in my mind.

stop living in the past,
quit thinking about it.
i hate flashbacks.

so difficult, really.
veryveryvery difficult.

the mind brings me back to those pretty places. my thoughts travels faster than the speed of light i think :X i hate it. i need to stop thinking. i'm gg to the aiport to fetch piyo later! i hate airports, cos when i'm there, i feel like travelling, and leaving everything here. (i love singapore but i like travelling. its quite a contradiction ay.)

I WANT TO GO OVERSEAS IN DEC.

school is draining and zooming past fast!
scary. its week four. i have no clue about money/banking/financial markets, whats truly psy or how i am going to conquer EEritating econometrics. i feel antisocial, i hadnt made any frens in psy! ):

it just me, really.
stay positive, you need to get through this.
without the needless thoughts.
concentrate lu.
love u!

who i am makes a difference.

i received an email from shiqi, and it seems so apt for what i felt today. who i am makes a difference. the camonions did our post trip ocip with blue cross today and i really did enjoyed it, throughout the walk there was so much going through my mind. i dont know if i made a difference to my buddy beneficiary, but at least i know i cared for someone other than my selfish self today.and it feels good.

i really need some time with my diary soon, i fear that i may explode soon. dont think, lu. dont think. but i cant seem to find the time to write it properly.

and i loveeeeeeee walking in the rain (: feels so good, instantly uplifting moods. such a perfect day. such perfect company. i would love to do it again.

i'm so self indulgent. argh.

I MUST GET STARTED on my readings. i'm so distracted recently. in fact, ever since sem started.

piyo is going hkg tmr ): BOO.

we finally caught a movie as a family tgt! :D ytd for money no enough2. (: i thought the movie was quite sad, cos it was about this poor lady whose sons were quite unfillial. so much of my worries surfaced. i would never want them to come true.i hope to cherish all those around me more. but i never seem to. RAH. why can i have a super memory?

bad

i'm really trying to be a better person. i'm trying, but i have yet to succeed.
its worrying how fast i'm forgetting the lessons learnt, and my resolutions. i'm trying to be nicer to people, trying to be kinder, trying not to complain, trying to apply the kindness i've seen there, to my life. but i cant seem to do it. argh.

but while i try, let me indulge in my own world.

-these few days have gone past too fast and too draining, i need my weekends to catch a breather. reaching home at 12 midnight is wanting too much of an old woman like me.
-i met cam'on ytd at halleight for steamboat. three words: too much food.
-ITS FRIDAY, tmr.
-i need a run.
-i heard news some days back that may mean i cant go back to my shootingstarsaplenty. ):
-i need to be happy (:

its so egocentric, i know. its also something i'm trying to improve on, but failed.

jiayou lu, at least you're doing something you like.
or so i hope. (:

readings readings readings. time to do your readings and tutorials.

olympics

Beijing 2008 Olympic Cupcake
Originally uploaded by clevercupcakes.

i just watched a rather significant match that marks the local sports history-the much talked about olympics table tennis gold medal match 08 (:

i guess i still do feel rather sad that we wasnt able to pull a surprise victory against the hosts. :X but i do feel eeriely proud, to see Singapore's flag flying during the medal ceremony. (: i would be looking forward to the next time we come close to another opportunity at an olympic medal. even though its frustrating watching singapore lose the gold medal match, you can always count on me to camp in front of the tv again.

and i would be even happier should it come from a singapore born-and-bred athlete. i await.

phelps is a fish! (: eight gold medals with seven world records. he is AMAZING.

so now you know what i have been doing all weekend. more 830am days await! jiayou lu! stay strong, even if you are on the verge of faltering (:

flying away

both jo and diana is away for exchange now ): in the land of danish cookies and pizza respectively. so is porkchop (which i hope is safe in europe although diana says they love to eat pork there). its so exciting! i feel so excited for them! although both refuses to reveal any flight details for me to go and get a chance to eat popeyes at changiairport. :X

this sem is surely picking up speed. i hope i dont lose myself amidst all the busyness. i tend to, i know. but i dont just want to be one of those rushing along in hurried footsteps. its scary how fast we can leave behind the slow, peaceful pace of july. i dont want to- its my refusal to grow up.

i just need to stay sane (and happy). one sem at a time. jiayou lu, tutorials and readings are piling up!

and i always reach school half a hour early. :S RAHH. but its good to be early (:

homebody

singapore flag
Originally uploaded by fairycakes

happy national day (: (this pic is from an random flickrer)

i may not truly understand what it means to be singaporean, but i always feel proud when i watch the ndp parade, with all the contingents, marches and performers. i would sing loudly all the national day songs, including the national anthem. yes its weird doing that to the tv, but i do. i guess we're still buliding our identity at this stage, but perhaps, subconciously, we already have one.

i dont think i would ever think of migrating permanently to another country, because even though i may complain alot about this tiny island, its where home is.

but other beliefs are more easily shaken. all the breakups thats happening to the people i love these few weeks, is blurring the concept we call- love. maybe its just july, but maybe its me. i dont know what to say, i dont know how to help. which is why i try not to think about them, lest they diminish whatever little faith i have left in it. but you really cant control your brain sometimes.

family and friends, gogogo! (:

i love watching the olympics! esp the cute gymnast guys this afternoon (: WOHOO! yay

stretches into the horizon

cambodia (127)
Originally uploaded by lucia!.

argh. i look back at my cambodia photos to cheer myself up. how sad ): to think i was looking fwd to this sem! BLAH. things will get better lu, jiayou!

a thought came to me while i was on my way home on this streetlights-lit night;

i would marry whoever can plan/settle my timetables for me!

and no, its not cos im desperate to get married off. its just cos stars is being irritating. i should go get some sleep heh. if i get the mods i want, i promise i would study very hard! if i dont, i MUST study even harder eh! shucks, im naggy, i know.

school have started! omg.

i hate timetabling. sometimes i think im not as strong as i think i am.

i get frustrated over planning timetables every sem.
i fear taking the psy mods that i landed myself in.
none of my decisions this year seem to be good. :X
freak! super sad.

maybe i should just concentrate on econs. 50UEs is too much to clear, and too taunting so. starsplanner is too messy for my head. rahhh! frustrated, and i cant think straight when i'm frustrated. and there's so many things on my mind. BLAH.

and its only the second day of being a year 2. i wish for better tomorrows. i'm not ready to be a year2 major. but time just moved on ahead of me, doesnt it. ARGH quit emoing. i am incoherent.

on a happier note, i visited sarah's room today (: jiayou exroomie! gpa>4!

august the first.

aug1st:HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAGUAMATE AND JOY! (:

stayovered at weihui after baguamate's birthday celebs. haha. YAY! every year, just before school reopens, we hafta do the SURPRISE JAS OUTSIDE LEW'S HOUSE TOILETS thing. but i like! (:

some things, i might never understand. some things, i dont have to. other things, i dont want to. i live in my own world, too perfect, too idealistic, i think no one will fit the cinderella shoes i had imagined up. there's no need to, anyway. we've way too little time, there's no room to complicate. i'm in no position to advise, so i can only give my moral support, for whatever one chooses. GOGOGO!

i hope rainbows appear soon, for that will be when the storms around the people around me ceases. i always believed in rainbows. after rainbows, it'll be a bright fresh day ahead (: just like the sunrise.

i enjoy every tutucians meeting. i'm thankful for the people who never fail to keep the class going. perhaps its cos as i get older, we treasure the people around us more. perhaps its cos i'm getting more emo. whatever it is, i'm thankful, for the class. thankful for every of the 23 people (: perhaps they are right, they did change, and for the better. which makes the class every more dear to us.

for now, lu, prepare to study ay! its a packed last-day-of-holidays tmr. AHHH! three meetups. but its with the people i love most (: YAY.

i cant believe school is starting soon! OMGOMGOMG. and i panic.