beauty is.

i was just looking at my sharing folders. some really lovely pics thanks to jeremy. i promised myself i'll be back. there. endless horizons, dramatic sunsets, plenty of greens.

for now, i shall be out and about with the camera soon (: sunrise sunset cloudyskies!

jiayou to everyone who is having/going to have exams! GOGOGO! (: just one more lu.

returning, going back. it keeps playing, in my mind.

stop living in the past,
quit thinking about it.
i hate flashbacks.

so difficult, really.
veryveryvery difficult.

the mind brings me back to those pretty places. my thoughts travels faster than the speed of light i think :X i hate it. i need to stop thinking. i'm gg to the aiport to fetch piyo later! i hate airports, cos when i'm there, i feel like travelling, and leaving everything here. (i love singapore but i like travelling. its quite a contradiction ay.)

I WANT TO GO OVERSEAS IN DEC.

school is draining and zooming past fast!
scary. its week four. i have no clue about money/banking/financial markets, whats truly psy or how i am going to conquer EEritating econometrics. i feel antisocial, i hadnt made any frens in psy! ):

it just me, really.
stay positive, you need to get through this.
without the needless thoughts.
concentrate lu.
love u!

cambodia (53)

cambodia (53)
Originally uploaded by lucia!.

i suddenly miss cambodia ALOT, after today.

the genuine, sincere people who brings about your smiles naturally. no need for pretence, no need to be who you arent. no need to fit in, no tiring acts. such an irony, really. that in a land when you cant even converse properly in each other's language, you feel most at ease. in a place when everyone fully understands you, you dont fit in at all.

i'm always such a misfit, i never understood why. i miss cambodia, (in my opinion) the land of smiles.

i dont quite fathom what happen, or how things got to this stage. but i suppose we'll see the light one day. one day the skies will clear, the grey will go.

anyway school is starting! its time to start packing up my tables and regulating my sleep patterns. THREE 830am days! HOHO. jiayou lu!

eleven cambodia days

cambodia (136)
Originally uploaded by lucia!.

i guess i'm still trying to cope with the demands of this high tech civilisation i'm thrown back into. granted, this is where i grew up, its easy to switch back. but i'm beginning to wonder about a retirement, or even a mid-career switch, to the wilderness, enjoying the beauty of nature and feeling fully every pace.

i guess i'm a little tired of such fast paced worlds, where i'm always lagging behind, suffocating and trying to catch up with everyone else.

i'm dramatising alot, i know. but the teachers at bblc showed that it is possible to abandon the luxurious life in singapore, for a simple but contented one in the rurals. it can be cambodia, it can be nan. either way, i know i would like it as much.

i guess i'm fortunate my family didnt (or rather chose not to) raise any objections to me going for non-touristy trips overseas like they do. i know i made mum worried, but being the selfish daughter that i am, i always just go ahead with my heart. haha. i want to be back,and my mum have already voiced concerns (what with news of the cambodia-thai conflict). but i know when the time comes, nothing can stop me. only myself.

dream, so it may come true one day.

during one of our lessons there, we were talking about ambitions. it was so heartening to hear that they still dream big. doctors, teachers, managers etc. hope is one thing that keeps the human race going. it makes me gulity, for when they ask, i have no answer as to what i would like to be in the future.

its time to think, to dare, to dream.

i ran 10k for shaperun today and feel old with the aching thighs and knees. ): ARGH

two shades darker!

i'm back (: and i really enjoyed this trip.

its a different experience. one that prompt myself to promise myself to return, as long as i have the means to. one that showed me the simple but happy side of mankind. one that told me of the friendliness of Cambodians.

thank you cam'on and bblc. i miss u already.

eleven days

i'm going away for 11days, so you can be sure this blog would enjoy some peace, finally void of my complaints.

work ended yesterday.thanks to my dear friends for the kfc treat (: HAPPY WORKING! two to three more weeks, depending on who you are! haha. everything was in a rush. i only decided that yesterday should be my last day, yesterday. HAHA. i guess its always the case of already knowing the answer is in your heart, but you dont realise it til the very end.

i guess part of me regretted taking this internship cos its really slack. its the lack of job satisfaction, rather than job dissatisfaction (and so public admin is very right. the motivation hygiene theory!). but i'm thankful that i've gained insights, and friends. its interesting, the change in perspective, the different role you don now. but yay im finally closer to returning back to a student's POV. the less stressful and more forgivable role.

packing is a BIG project! most things are done, though some things are not. im such a mess, havent got any time recently to prepare myself for this trip. psychologically, i guess i should be more prepared than when i was in nanofive. plus its a shorter trip than nan's. jiayou lu! its gonna be a rush for us there too, with mornings spent road buliding and afternoons spent teaching. but i guess, it would be an experience. hopefully a memorable and good one!

at the very end, i guess, i'm just trying to help, in the little ways that i can. and hopefully, NAN in the next holiday, yes?

alright, don't miss me. i'll be back before you know it (:

the double life of lu (and double left hands and right feets)

i feel like i've been leading a double life recently.
school by day, cambodia preps by night.

i can finally say im drained, im tired, im dying. i cant go on much furhter, really. thank goodness the end is near, or rather the start is. the team is fraught with bad news these two weeks. i pray that all of us remaining stay safe. wanqi shimin jinchao berenice stay happy and healthy too. i promise to keep them in my mind while im there. and wanqi didnt believe that i meant it when i said, i will go with her again. when i say it, i will. u've got to believe lu.

SOON, double life will converge to one. (:
two left hands and two right feet. HAHA.

my mind is drained, clogged and gone. i should quit complaining. but i cant... so i try.

blue sky with pink streaks

MPS=marginal propensity to save=morning pleasant surprise (:

i'm so stoned every morning, its impossible to wake up early and be hyper for school. really, i dont know how the tecahers do it.

jinchao got hospitalised. god bless! hopefully all sixteen of us are able to go! one and a half weeks more! so many things undone, i've taken to drawing up a TO DO list. i finally dragged myself to a run this evening.