like fishes out of water?

fishy

hahs!
muscle aches! pls tell me im becoming an old woman! and its only like one hour of game and its aching! so lousy! ): ahhh well! aniw its happy happy fun badmintoning! yay. even tho the timing is really really early! was seven, but we change to eight instead!

havent blogged with flickr for quite long. YAY

its new year's eve, so HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. i promised myself i wouldn't dread the coming of the new year (as with age). the year will hopefully be as good, friendships, ties will hopefulyl be strengthen and faith, renewed! i need to think of my new yr resolutions soon! :D

what if it says BLANKED

there's so many things going thru' my mind then, i dont know what to type now.

hahs. internet have been v slow these few days. i suspect its not the earthquake but my com, but aniw its okay becos ive become a tv addict :/

anyhow the new year is coming! its amazing how i'll keep mentioning: i'll do this this in the new year, etc etc...but when actualy the new year is just a few days away.

i dont know why, but my mind's been so heavy. or isit the heart? ah well, i dont quite know. days pass by fine(which i wished for ) but smth's quite missing im sure. i passed by yck station just now and i felt this pang of skriek, fear, emptiness? i cant put a word to it, but its just that sudden feeling that suddenly gaspes me by.

CCC gathering at marina on wed! fivesome affair but loads of fun! (: i think its the company that rock, tho not much of the food. steamboat food seems to be always similar. even tho five seems a lil lonely for an army of originally twelve, but liek liying mentioned, less people,but still as happy (: ilovemyccc

sometimes i feel like really pursuing, doing smth i really like. but then on the other hand is always the money issue. life is a contraiction of the world's extremes, i guess. HEHS

alrite, anyhow BADMINTON early tmr !!! yohooooooo

christmas wishes

(: snail mail says:pls be mr santa and pack my stockings with my nan kids
(: snail mail says:and the whole of bangkok
i can only imagine. says:haha
i can only imagine. says:if i cud, i wud

diana says:lulu!
(: snail mail says:DIANA!
diana says:i miss u!

haha my christmas eve night is happyifying enuff :) plus shopped/talked/ate the entire day away w cecs alr. hah. rest now! i wish i was on a holiday/ am going away for an holiday overseas. wished. but aint. ):

merry christmas, world! (:

faith.

perhaps most time, i lose faith too easily. im sorry for losing faith in this belief that i promise i'll nv abandon. but somehow its the weird feeling that makes lucia an escapist. to be irresponsible, i could have said its innate, but i know its more of the nurture i put myself thr' than anything else that makes lucia the escapist she is. i mean, how difficult is running away when the other options seem so cold, so lone.

sorry mr zhongzhong and ms hoho. i ought to die for not gg! :(

anyhow xlb today! YUMM.

and its amazing how happifying a snail mail can get :) :) :) 100smileys, and more. cos the joy of opening the letterbox and finding a letter(not a bill) addressed to you, is well, very priceless. perhaps this is the sort of priceless things that the mastercard advertisment is referring to. for somethings like these joy, money cant buy. ;)

i hate to promise things but i promise myself i will hold to the faith for as long as i can. and for as long as people dont give up on it as well. even if i dun say so, i qt miss the class. very much in fact.

if christmas is anything, let it be the time i renew my faith in things i believe in. and let it be time i cherish things that i alw took for granted. you go girl. merry christmas! (in 3days! )

but the amazing fact is this yr is perhpas the first yr in a long long time that i ahvent sent out some of my cards by the turn of a twentieth. normally people will complain abt me sending it tooo early. omg i dunno what im doing :( the cards will nv reach in time. but hey, its the though that counts right? hahs. aniw if u dont get an xmas card, its by no fault yours. its just that this culture of snail mailing is quickly and veyr sadly for me, dwindling. hold to the faith in snailmail. i alw think its damn powerful! :) yay

someone nice (:

DSC00050

someone who i would be cheapo with. someone with all sorts of crazy CHEAPO ideas like going on sushi buffet because then we can order anything (in fact everything) and eat til we die and she would even PLAN her breakfast and dinner to max the use of the buffet, just so we can eat more:) haha. someone who thinks i look good in PINK! omg. someone who could withstand my bullying. someone who, like me, plans to do everything physical straining but never gets to do it (read: run/cycle distances). someone whose dog i've known for eight yrs. but definitely someone who's a thinker, like me!

ladies and gentlemen, this someone is as above, miss cheapskate! ;)

to the league of the trained

someone special is going into army today! our boss!
much as i think going into army aint such a bad idea, considering that protecting the country is an honourable job, but we'll still miss you boss! :D but boss looks good in his new plastic( but not ugly plasticy but good rubberish plastic) black rimed specs! yay yay . we spent his last night out (before entering army lar) eating at the v8 cafe! sigh, pls stay safe! bos's the first i know who's gg in! more more more to come i supposed.

now the cp gang only left two girls in singapore mainland. haha hinho's overseas in hk and boss in tekong. ahh well, we'll gather tgt again, no matter. go boss! and sly jiayou for sunday! :)

ahah! haven blogged for a loong long time! hoho! i cant upload pics cos there's no pics ! ): cam's still with my wongjia! urgh. i promise i'll pass her hte usb soon!

and minyi/my phone is irritating cos we cant receive each others' msges (i suppose so, since she says she msg me many amny times)

haha so incoherent but work is :/ sighh

i met up with jo for our happy dose of fishhy and chips! YAY :) LOVELOVE!! and havent met cecs yet! hee but cecs was really seet cos she msg me on my first day of work to ask abt umm. work. feels really lucky to have osy work in the area cos there's company altho she always bully me! AHA

am abruptly stopping blogging ): cos TV's on and gotta go do secret mission for tmr! :) MISSS

cos i realise u're the one i dream of and think about.

thank you for reminding me to be sane, phone.

i didnt manage to collect up all my feelings for a THANKYOU darlings entry. i'll try do one now.

THANKYOU osy, really sorry for making you :( i loveee osy! THANKYOU hongli marg becca xying! THANKYOU tutucians! <3 THANKYOU sixoh guys for your kind intentions! THANKYOU squadies ! THANKYOU everyone who rmbed! THANKYOU FAMILY! :D

this is as best as i could do. i'll keep all the wishes close to me so i'll always rmb to remain grateful, thankful, and feeling blessed.

????????????????? ??
??????????????

yays.

a year on

a year ago yesterday was nanofive's expedition anniversary. its such a special day that i really dont know what to say. its hard to put words to the experience, but im glad for the many friends ive gotten to know there, and the many kids and events that make me learn more about myself, and more about things i ought to hold dear to.

im growing old today (and everyday actually) but this year im not gonna say im afraid of growing old. thats all thanks for 'tuesdays with morrie' (which ive just read a few days back), that in it i learnt that there's nothing fearful about being old. because with age, you have experiences that you would otherwise not have, at a younger age. with age, you become more learned, and become a better person.

so my wish is to become a better person :) but then, being always taught to provide balance, how then do we define what is good, better, best? HAHA rhetorical!

my squadies helped to celebrate my bday ytd! im just thankful for squadies that are such sweet people! and whom i loveee! and BADMINTON with diana! YEAYEA! havign muscle aches now, but i guess, its all for a healthy lifestyle! HOHO! i love DIANA!

aniw cecs! i hope ur gastric's getting better!

nov

november is almost ending already. this yr's nov feels a lil empty somewhat. as compared to previous yrs of having things cropped up on ur birthday month, this year is peaceful! last yr i was away on ocip, the yr before in 04 was prom, the yr before before in 03 was a training camp. this yr, just my day alone. :) (and last yr was NOVEMBER'S CHOPIN)

everyone's gg overseas ): and i wan to go on a trip AGAIN. i guess we all need some release, to some where to fill up that spiritual tank. for one, i need a trip to open out myself to learn more insights about others, others' culture. i always think trips abroad are spirit cleansing stuff cos when i return i'll have a lot to ponder abt, i'll learn much, and i'll cherish things more. i need a trip abroad.

i heard this yr's ocip team is leaving pretty soon! i could still rmb somewhat my buncha nerves just last yr, the apprenhension and all about leaving a place where you're all familiar to an unknown.

aniw soccer on fri with class guys and girls was fun although the rain left everyone shivering in the cold. IKEA on saturday yayy yayy! i always love gg ikea despite the vomit inducing 45mins ride. hahs.

but i fell ytd and now my last finger on the right is a little scrapped and screams PAIN when it touches water. :(

i finished adrian mole and the weapons of mass destruction! and im eagerly waiting for stingray with steffi and osy! and BECKS yes ! i wonder when we'll have a time for each other!!! soon okay!

the things that used to inspire me, i hope i always will keep them close to me. sometimes i wished i had super large memory storage so i can rmb all that i want to rmb. all my takeaways from many events in life thus far, the many feelings that ive experienced and wished i could lock that feeling away to constantly remind me of it. i may never be able to do so cos much might have alr been forgotten. too deep, too far away in mind, but those i rmb, i hope i'll always rmb. aww not making sense :(

i had a great past few days , just meeting up with people. it was monday with self, tuesday with squadmates xh kez crys ym, wednesday with the secret present team, thurs with the antismokingcampaign, chatting with CECS online.

the week is almost gone and im QUITE tired.

cecs' bday tmr! i nv did forget okay! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR GIRL!

tuesdays with morrie

sometimes i wished i can read some ppl like a book. so when i know that i can never figure people (any one in fact) out a hundred percent, i read books instead :)

i finished tuesdays with morrie in three hours! wheee! its a really good but rather taunting book. it makes me realise that choosing to conform can be a choice based on whether you believe or you dont. one part of the book says that if we dont believe in the culture of this country, the values that is being spread in the society (like materialism, having bigger cars, bigger houses, better grades, number one... ), we dont have to subscribe to it. as simple as that.

perhaps sometimes in life, we dont see things as clearly as we would when we're dying.

reading books is therapeutical. so i went to the library and got two more books. yayness! company in books is much more comfortable and fulfilling and seldom dissapointing. books have that direct touch with the reader, that makes me love reading quite a bit.

my sister was studying unemployment for econs and she said : you're unemployed! yeahh :/ im living and breathing econs each day :/

END :D

END :D

if u could read it... its says END :D under the 17th nov row. (;

its all over. cant say that i'd mugged hard enuff to confidently declare all As, in fact far from it :( , but im just glad i got thr' this period of time rather depression-lessly. thats a good achievement alr, tho there's certainly periods of unease, unmotivated in between. exams nv seem to be easy huh? it seems like such a struggle while im at it. but it feels like eons ago now, when its only 2 days aft .

class steamboat on fri was WOAH. i think turnout was rather good despite my initial reluctance to go cos im sick and isolated and just like to be alone. i guess its smth we can only accept... that our class will always split into girls and guys separately even on outings tgt. haha. shermin sponsored a game of 50cents tablesoccer! whee great fun tho i shouted and skrieked til my sorethroat really came. (: thankyou for the great fun. :) sirui's very funny cos she's fighting to cook cos she loves cooking! and she flooded the aluminium thing with melted butter! HAHA seems like frying rather than grilling. but great funn!

am having a lousy nose thats sneezy. :(

osy and cecs and crys and xh and kez and peijia and ... eveyrone who still have exams! jiayouuuu! i gave all my luck to peijia aft chem mcq. i hope its helpful tho peijia dun need luck to get distinction! whoo. (by the way cecs! i still cant sign the gbk lehh :( ) and crys jiayou for the 10km run in dec!

i packed my worksheets TWICE ytd but it still remains as sky-high. uggh. and i unwillingly parted with my sec 4 textbooks (EXCEPT my lit stuffs cos its precious) :). i'm giving up packing til ltr in the week. its tedious!

im a homebody so im staying at home for as long as i can! den look for a job and hopefully be employed. and bug peijia to teach me guitar and go KAYAK and think of christmas and slack and continue slacking :) ohh and start thinking abt what i wna do and go eat eat eat. and RUN. lew lew! i'm on anytime. RUNNNN! (: and i wna VENEZIA with hengheng again! and fishhychips with jojo! yay. and more more more food.

and chatting online 2 nights ago with mavis and hongli was v fun! i miss them!

:) yay. NEW TEMPLATE! whoooooo! green/grins continues.

in two

in two days, things will all be over. the stack of worksheets is becoming table high soon! note: worksheets i no longer need! just another paper on fri and things will return to all emptiness. hehs. today, i blogged this photo cos it reminds me of mdmwoon cos i saw mdmwoon tdy! essay was lousy for me, somehow along the way i just lost the confidence in writing essays. but i love econs aniw. :) i hope the rest can pull my econs up.

aniw, enuff of exams. just one more MCQ paper!

lew! didnt know you come by! HELLO (: there's nthg interesting here

and ohh! its shermin's and thadd's last paper today and i forgot to wish them congratulations! aww well, the numbing casestudy's at fault. i'll join their's and minyi's end of A's gang in two..days.

even though the exams havent been the greatest source of joy these days, but im thankful for just everything that's keeping me sane til now. and which will continue to keep me sane. :)

:( wasnt supposed to blog exams but heh. jiayou! (:

actually i felt qt sad when last night i realised the phy paper is my last contact with physics. i know best that i'll prolly nv study phy again. that made me qt sad. no more fighting enemies, and i mean it. sighh its the contradiction sometimes that gets me frustrated. when im studying it, i dread it. when its gone, i think i may miss it rather badly :(

ahh watever. tevee indulgence now. oh and one proud achivement! i didnt come online for DAYS, i didnt even miss it. shucks.

were we like what we were

DSC09963

just for some indulgence. a photo upload! :D

'cos next week is pretty hard
it seems like i may nv pass thr' it.
two double papers day :(
but if i do get by, it'll all be fine.
pray hard! jiayou

while i may worry abt papers done and get depressed abt exams, no one else shld. unless u could get urself out like i do thr' chocs and isolation. haha! alrites, i hope i do well in my fave and "fave" subjs next week. hahs.

we were told poems were meant to be read out

it feels a lil lonely
it feels a lil queer
but things will go on as its planned (even if you dont know what is)
because the world doesnt revolve
around one
it may seem at times;
we're pretty much in the spotlight
but all thats delusive
in a grandeur that should not exist

but we'll soon accept it
as yet another part
an interlude in otherwise routined lives
to breathe in some new hope
and fresh motivation to last
through
the remaining
mundane and tough steps

count :/

i hate to be the one counting down

but i have to, becos my sense of time is badly coordinated. yesterday was sunday, but i thought it to be saturday! :X
the end's coming. at least the end of the mugging periods. soon. but diana told me today that she was thinking of what to do aft A's,but then again, i wun know what to do after A's. :(

i hope a friend's birthday wish for me would work. no matter how childishly childlike it sounds- hoping that a birthday wish could cure all unprepareness, but well. we could all do with some luck. no that it'll eventually really matter if my friend didnt make that wish. its the mention of it that counts (:

gp prep tmr, hopefully it'll be fully prep aft tmr's last prep. hahs

ilovebecks plenty. but dear girl pls spend more time with ur books! hahah.

lucks! (: and mugg hard.

my intimate radio affair, no more

darken corridors

sighh. today is the 933 morning show's lingzhi last day at work. ): ): ): sighs. ive been listening to lingzhi's prog for so so so so so long now, from pri sch i think, pri 6 ! from music diary , to the dedication prog, to the morning shows. the special that the other deejays made for her was really good and freaking touching! :( no more joke of the day, no more suanning, funny , relaxing radio mornings.

cant concentrate, so might as well blog.

i hope lingzhi will return!!! (: i'll be more than happy to exchange my precious internet and tv for radio. for her radio show! sighh! was so dumbly sitting at the table outside chem lab crying to myself, plugging into radio. i feel like some fool, but thankfully my bgmate was listening to the radio too (: and can cry with me.

makes me feel like being a deejay as well. radio's a very intimate form of connection. whr one can just express what one feels directly to the listeners, cutting away the lag and editing process in tv. its just very qin qie. herbie! :( aiyah, the feeling you get when listening to radio is just a very intimate affair that you cant feel unless you listen. its the connection thing. sighhs.

i miss you lingzhi! :(

the virus! one muggish girl

my com's down (with many many viruses) but i urgently needed to say this:

CECS! CECILY SOH XIN YUN! dun migrate! i'll miss you really really really badly if you do! there'll be no one to hear my grouses (and no grouses to hear as well! ) AHH! i cant sign ur gbk! :(

SU! i lovelove you too!
FONG! dlunch again aft As!

mugging's really bad! plus tdy the canteen decided not to be opened cos the j1s have NE day! which sadly leaves me with no food and a warm walk out of sch in search of food! :/ pace is slow and i need F O C U S (: jiayou. of anything, sign gbk! i'll check often no more blogging til when ive smth else to say! (: hees. i like printing stuffs in sch cos there's this printer that can do both sides printing AUTO! so cool! ahh well, stressed. six days or so left. jiayou! i miss everyone! lucia mugg hard!

the night when it all dawns

everytime i look at the date these days, panic goes thru me. i panic a lot, yet aft the panic, the motivation is gone.

i hate being a crybaby, but everytime i crack up, the tears flow. i hate choosing phones cos i worry too much. abt the price, abt the functions abt eveyrthing. just dont change :(

BAHH. trying, really trying hard to study hard, but concentrating is so difficult. i need to know this is the last stretch alr, i really want no regrets when i look back at this phase in life. hehs. time's running out, more than ever. i seem to be much more prepared for the prelims than i feel now. and it spells trouble. but lucia, its always the same old thing. i either get stressed cos i dun feel the stress, or i get worried cos i'm not concentrating. they go on my top ten bad habits. sisters have been telling me to not get so worked up and stressed over As, but the fact is im really just stressed that im not stressed. times running out.

ten days.

and the real studying hasnt kicked it. what do you aye lu! pls start getting motivated. ur sciences needs some reviving AND QUICK. plus fave econs and maths.

com's back in BAD shape everytime the studying periods starts. now its infested with pop ups and the pop up blocker must have been slacking on the job. grr, irritating.

aniw oli and su! (: i'm really sorry but HAPPY BDAY! (: its really late, i promise i'll send out a even later birthday card aft As. its on my number 1 list to do aft As.

thank god for running. it clears minds. jogging is perhaps the only constant in my life. when everything changes, hits you hard,or abandons you, jogging's always an option out. its alw there to clear my mind and give me this much needed release. but sadly due to the recent haze, even joggin ghave to be dependant on the PSI index before i decide if its healthy enuff to go jogging, which gives me extra excuses to not jog and be a lazy bum. its not easy dragging myself out to exercise okay! im not some exercise freak, so jogging takes some rare determination, thats easily swayed by any excuse not to go jog. haze, haze go away!

this post is so disjointed, it perhaps aptly reflects my state of mind. no more distractions pls. focus is all you need lu! JIAYOU JIAYOU!

who know of the panic that you grapple with, inside?

its a chair

no one.
panic.
struck,
things take time
to get starting
inertia?
excuses.

what do they know
if they've nv been inside
your heart.
what do they understand
when they think they understood.

when all things gone
you're on your own
when all things
fail
even panic cant pull
up,

here's cheers to you, so there's more to cheer

05 050

ok, the title is not making sense AT ALL. lousy attempt to rhyme/pun or smth, but failed, okay i know. just dont remind me.

this must go out as my fave pic, really! everyone looks grinning (cos its last day of sch, but the expression there is supposed to capture a kind of mixed feelings. un-decipherable expression, but u know, we've all been brought up , made to smile at the camera. no one wants to appear sad in photos, do they? ok, unless ure like this girl who always pouts when i take photos w her :/ ) , holding up cups that only goes to signify we'll toast again next yr feb/mar cos we're ALL going to get our As and A1s. the pics not full this time, but it'll be completed next yr. til then!

today's a happy lunch affair. no poor-thing lunch talk/sms with my sis while munching sandwiches. i hate pathetic lunches, but its okay, we'll all have to bear w it since i'm studying alone. a preferance, not a non-choice, i say. kfc w jo! some cheesy afffair ehh? cos we were eating some cheeese pocket. tell me how to live without chickens and i'll gladly accept it. i love chickenmeat , as contrasted to pork. cos chicken, like pork, gives you vitamin B (i think) and tons of proteins, just leave the fats out pls. ive been pigging on chocs plenty! save me!

aft tmr its back to my lonely love affair with benches and chairs. i'll take a pic of my love affair soon when i've found the perfect way to take it. its yellow in table and red in bench. haha im so not making sense, i dont know why im blogging.

monologue.

days of --- lives

days of --- lives

a whole load of random rants from the back of my foolscape pad, one that accompanied me during prelims and provided some released from bogging minds. cant bear to just throw them away lest i miss them, so before the cardboard goes into the dustbin, the words comes on here. not totally making sense, but i meet some release. here goes.

*i'd like some escape
*understanding is key
*if even you say that. it breaks my heart. i'd be better elsewhere
*fear not what you know you cant do, but fear what you dont know you can do
*i promise to study hard -nods head-
*u're a conformist :/
*im not afraid of not having, im afraid of losing it
*smiles all around
*just walk on. let me be.
*i cant help but feeli like letting go. just let the entire world go on without me. i'd rather see and look from behind all those hurried backs and walk the path at my own pace. but i cant :(

i love doodling :)

because(s)

DSC09929

havent tried writing a poem in ages. but this aint anywhere near a poem, just a break away from my nagging proses. so here we go.

because i choose to be an escapist
because i refuse to think about it in school,
because only at times no other can see, will i convey my very best.
because laughter can be a tear-jerking thing
because we're all taught to act strong amidst presences.
because its not all i can and all i want
because i never fail to forget to cherish
because i hold on too tightly, too late
because they say all good things comes to an end,
must it really be so?
because talk is often cheaper than actions
because i can say but i cant do
because this time its sinking down
because i aint ready for goodbyes
because i know it'll be hard to bring back,
everyone and everything together.
because i suddenly feel abandoned
because the feeling of being left alone to fend for urself doesnt feel good
because the thought of no more school sucks
because there's no more lects for lessons-ending thoughts to wander
because i no longer belong
because we no longer equate
because from this point it'll be different paths
because from here its to each, his own study.
because i am a confused girl
because school holds a special place in me
because in school ive cherished friends
because i treat them as good friends, even if i dont knwo how they think
because feelings are a peculiar thing
more peculiar to some than to others.
because here i am, and here i stand
i have faith that faith can lead me thru-
even more faith that it'll lead us thru.
because i believe in holding on to hope
because i want to be BEAMING on that day
because i want us to be all happy boys and girls that day
because i hate repeats of an ill episode
because i want to start loving myself more.
and because of all the above, i love 2205.

and because its the last day of school
which is why i'm in a super lousy mood :(

becos its not so simple

on days when i get pessimistic, i'll tell myself, its okay. its only a class that u've been tgt with for less than two years. but really graduation nv seems okay. then or now. its not easy to feel comfortable abt graduating. not me to be so, at least.

not esp when its a class that stays, not quite united but definitely not separated. a class with which we did many things tgt happily. much as there have been a gender divide, i guess its inevitable given circumstances. but generally, i like the feel of class. i like lessons cos i am assured of laughter filled classes. i may dread lessons (esp subjs in AHEM PHYSICS) and sleep in them and everything, but at least thats what the class is to me-simple and life is peaceful.

sometimes i realise we do not need very much of excitment for days to be memorable. too exciting days, for me, spells more sad and dreadier days ahead. so i like to spread my happiness throughout. more happier days that arent peaking, VS few extremely happy days but many sad days accompanying. i'd always believed that happiness do run dry. that each one of us, perhaps, have a quota as to the amt of happiness we'll have in, say, a week. if we use it up too fast, there's not enuff happiness to go around seven days.

i hate feeling all emotive and i-dunno-what(cos my vocab is lousy) about having last days of sch, last tutorials in our life. i shudder at the fact that in two days' time, we'll all be having our last tutorials. in fact its tmr. cos thurs a pe/lect day with only an hr of gp tut. sometimes i will look back and feel this tinge of stupidism that i was so emotional then. but on other instances, i will look back and regret not having cherished. not having cherished the people ard me, the events that we go thru tgt.

i read soemwhr that life is too short for regrets, yet i do feel such regrets, so perhaps my life is sadly, longer than others? i nv wanted to live past those ard me. i cant take facing the demise of my loved ones-friends and family. if i were to face it again, i may go very depressed.

but that's all besides the point, that other than cherishing the remaining two days of school tutorials (i COMPLETED TUTORIALS for maths and econs FINALLY) at least its a good end, i also must leave no regrets for a's results. lucia wants no repeat of tramutising o's because i have gotten old and i'm qt sure my old and failing heart can take shocks no more. gogogo!

roo!

roo!

i hate confrontations. i really do.
i nv knew to to approach them.

which is why i find talking such a cumbersome, difficult thing. i nv seem to know whats right and whats not. not cos i cant think for myself, but only cos i dont know what ppl takes offence to. hehs.

the week is starting again! want long ago that i was declaring rest finally. and its starting again. last week. i dont know if its :) or :(
pics that i take these days are so grainy! :( but at least roo looks happyifying enuff!

sometimes i'd just sit down and think, and think abt what the future holds, and where the future lies. i know its those kind of pointless stuff that holds high opportunity costs (study time) but i still do it anyway. i was reading thru the classnotes before putting it into the letterbox. and there's this part abt being a photographer. but i think i might nv become a photographer, at least i felt qt sure im not up to being one. prhpas its the gap btw liking to take photographs and being able to do it well. ahh.

somehow even if you dont do anything abt it, u'll still survive, like the author says in a book. with or without edn, ppl can actually still survive. they'll manage to. but its just how difficult it may be. ahh stop thinking

the hazy is almost gone! :D whee. say hello to bright, blur-free skies!

madness can propagate. snapping out of it.

this week is madness lar. time pract on four afternoons and sis's grad on the one afternoon left= no afternoons left. add that to tons of homework and you'd know lu hasnt started re-touching books :( and i cant tell others to study when i myself havent. hehs. i can feel my pimples coming out and my sleep not gone well. boohooo. plus i hadnt satisfied my craving for keaiji! plus im lagging behind in homework. plus im very shagged this week! :( i hate lagging behind in tutorials cos its very stressful! ): its the DEADline thing. someone tell me its not just me alone pls.

:( ok enuff of complaining!

eveyrone's having a tough time, sure, i know. doesnt help that im a lazy bum and i must know that whats tested for As cant be completed in like two weeks ? if not why did they take two years to teach us then? but two weeks' my most optimistic guess alr. starting two weeks before As, that is. and gp is a fearful thing.

sometimes i think the mind can be such a destructive, unfathomable thing. i really need more time to understand people. things are only making me know lesser and lesser about how people actually are. its like the the more you know, the more you know you dont know thing. i used to think alot (note SIGN POSTING!- used-past tense). but then, im thankful that i learnt how to get out of it. i learnt that it isnt a good, healthy thing like eating veggies. and so i stopped thinking too deeply into things that gives me headaches. we're all ignorant, face it. in one way or another. so there really isnt much need (except in the case when u're writing essays for gp) to think too much about issues, or plainly random stuffs. we've too much worries to jus think about every single thing the world have for us. since we're alr ignorant in some way, being ignorant in one more aspect doesnt make us lesser fools. so leave it. else i think im going crazy thinking my brain dry doing all the worrying.

friends dont make you worry. they worry that you worry about them. at least thats what i think. or maybe ive just been a really bad friend all along.

now mugg. (: jiayou

when it all comes crashing down.

when it all comes crashing down, there mightnt be anyone cushioning you down there :( everyone seems to have a separate agenda, more so a hidden one that i cant fathom. sigh. jiayou me! lu can geepeeeee! :( hah lousy attempt trying to cheer myself up. :/

i just went bingeing on food!
one two three and eveyrthing nice!

something greeeen(GRINNY) to cheer up my night!

its illegal.

its the weekends and i haven completed even half the work i'm supposed to do. boohoos. i fell asleep doing econs outlineS(cos there's four!) but i had a great weekend thus far! osy came over first time in a million yrs now so we just set abt doing pancakes that look like rotiprata and just being coachpotatoes for hours. :)

this is how weekends shld be!

but guess i ought start studying! (or at least set abt completing work). i promised myself i will promise pillai that i will do physics for one hr fourtyfive mins of paper 2 without distractions. and that rj compre. and those econs outlines.

HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY! :)) i completely forgot it was october first until crys msged me! :( how can i forget my fave day? its a constant (yearly) reminder to remain a child, albeit remaining childish! if we are all children inside, the world would perhaps look way more innocent, less malicious. like what a commentary in ST wrote on the pope's comments and the aftermath uproar, a little more love and forgiveness would perhaps do us good. childish need not necessarily be bad! childish can look cute. childish doesnt mean immaturity in thoughts.

and i went jogging this morning cos i managed to wake up at eight! :) (i dont go running once its nine). okay, i ougth not update so frequently anymore! yay

(its twelve! i hear the church bells!)

cecs! :) i'm glad everything is over! yay, happiness abounds!

fill my world!

venezia icecream with minli! mango sorbet and cookies n cream tastes weird tgt, but who cares! its yumm. bleagh ive been eating way a lot this week :(

i'm in a listening to chirpy english songs mood. drummy guitar-ish pianoly songs like 'Fill my little world' and 'How to save a life'. the music sounds happy enuff at least! i just randomly click on the songs from their titles, not knowing how they actually sound, and they sound good! :) good judgement. i like to share my holdings of nice english songs cos i have limited, so must flaunt! HOHO

i like the way you hold back my hand and give me elbow aches.classies jiayou! we can do As. we can get As. ;) all results back except for gp, which im fearing! AHHH.

wongjia's bday TODAY! HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY! stay unglam cos i like! red cos its your fave colour!!! :)

another eighteen kid to be. sigh, growing up is... fearful. let's all just feel seventeen. weekends ahead! tons of mocks to study for. must start studying alr ): no excuses ): gogogo everyone!

by apparently not listening, its not not caring. by not asking, its not ignorance. its just for a simple fact that eveyrone have their preferance. who to confide in, who not to. i never like to pursue too much into what people dont wna say, cos i dun like people to ask deeper than i'd like to. there're many things that i would prefer to keep to myself to, many things that i'd prefer not let spoil my day. many things that i'd rather not trouble others with. whatever more is that i believe i can solve problems, and i need to solve my own problems. no other way about that. even though we do need some helping hand along the way, the efforts' got to be our own, to a large extent!

FILL MY LITTLE WORLD! :D
Hey, show some love, you aint so tough
Come fill my little world right up, right up
Someday you're going to realise (I want you)
To fill my little world right up, right up, right up

pasta and pizza and many many!

had a good (hightea timed) lunch with minyi! (: we ate lots and gave ourselves excuses that cos its just aft prelims (tho it really is alr quite long) so we can eat. and we took our first neoprints and they came out pretty! :( but the next food outing would be seemingly a long time ltr, aft As at best! hehs. As. laowang was busy as usual :( sighs. i miss her!

i dont youtube often but this vid is damn exciting la! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voxxTCRs7sc

meeting up.

guitar scores

i swear its not a bad day, much as the day have been bad to me.

one of those ultra large photo album fell right onto my foot when i pressed it against the table, not knowing its only half balanced on the edge of the table ): and the album’s not light ); ouch!

but ytd was a lot better (: met up with cecs and pecks aft some confusion btw me and peck the confused! had a great time just catching up with each other and hearing their nj stories. hahs. meeting minyi tmr for yummy food again! and hopefully shuiying too if she can afford me some time finally! feels like the meeting up with people week this week and i really love the girls i’m meeting up with. there was supposed to be another happyfying meeting up with sixoh girls but i didn’t make it. and tmr there’s supposed to be anth iceskating trip (tho i cant) with crys and gang but ... ): tho i know aft this week its back to mugg alr!

ytd was class civics. the last class civics we’ll have as a class in the class homeroom 133! mdm woon asks us write smth for some classmates, some major event we'll cherish, some memories we can read down the road, but until now i haven finish yet! i fell asleep last night wanting to write. it was v sweet, like last yr where johnng made us play the paper-on-the-back game, it was way fun!

quite rants:
everyone was v sweet too! i have good classies!
havent used flickr for a while! i want a new cam! :(
results arent fully back yet, i'm still holding on to faith that my gp wun be bad :( pray hard! jiayous!

reads (:

i tot of this on the train.

did u ever realise that if u're on a crowded train and you dont hold anything, you can actually be more stable den if u held onto some support first before letting go? maybe its jus me, but thats what i discovered. hohs. maybe its cos w/o any support, u surely must try ur best to be stable, but with the support, you actually know that u can be more stable w/o depending v much on urself, and would be tempted to just hold to the support. amazing sometimes, what wraped theory i can come up with.it can be quite philosophical if you think about it. but i dun yet know how to elaborate.

start of term4 today, albeit it being two weeks late. starting terms have always been a lil scary, and a lil taunting. but nv overlook the exciting part, of course. :) there's only threeweeks with the class now, i just realise, i want to make every effort to stay on course and make someone's day, anyone's day, by not being moody and easily affected, but just being myself and being happy most times. its of course, a lil superficial? a lil shallow? a lil i-dunno-what. but being happier is priority now, so nothing else matters as much.

i always feel like crying when i read finish a book. i finished 'shakespeare can wait' by this local author, i dont have my book now. but its tears-inducting at the back, when a charcater, a bad-boy looking but kind inside kind of student, got into the waywards towards the end. :( good book! i love good reads. books are so much more engaging that tv and the internet. i shall finish this current book and stop. cos reading is v addictive. like i suppose drugs are. only that one is good(or at least better but not necessary the best like in the case of negliging ur work) , and the other bad.

tmr's mavis's birthday (26sept)! even if she dun see this, i'll still want to say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAVIS! lucia misses u alot. :)
and the day aft tmr's minyi's birthday: (27sept)MINYI! happy EIGHTEEN birthday. time u grow old darling! :)

whoever said guitar was easy? spent the whole of today figuring out the song and i still cant hear a tune outta it! ): doesnt help that i have sweaty palms!

school's tmr! ahhh! but i enjoyed my usual (but now defunct and v ancient) rush-free, relaxing weekend alot alot. wun have much of these weekends anymore, sadly. just lazing ard hse, watching tv, playing the guitar, cleaning up my room/table, filing up worksheets, cleaning away dust, looking thru yearbooks/letters/notebooks, spending bonding time w my guitar and fingers, surfing the net, and READING A BOOK. basically doing things i like, and commitment free time. i love!

i borrowed three books, greedy greedy me. i've started on this local novel called 'shakespeare can wait' about a teacher's time and his experiences on teaching lit in the early days at a neighbourhood sch where students seem uninterested in lit and english, but actually its really the non-commitment of other teachers that caused it. really interesting considering lit is a fave subject. almost done reading it! :) finally a good read!

mighty bean spirit! <3

this is an angry post.

I AM FREAKING ANGRY! :( I HATE IT WHEN SOME IRRITATING SNOB FROM THE DEVELOPING SHOP CROP AWAY MY PHOTO WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME AND IN THE FIRST PLACE I ALR CHOSEN THE 'FIT' OPTION DEN THEY TELL ME THAT GOT NO FIT'. yes tell me abt irony pls. they ask u to choose the options den they tell you, no no, got no choice one! ARGHHH i am v v v angry! i feel like killing that woman! what does she know abt the signifcance of the photo to think that the com/her is capable at cropping for me! ARGH! murder instincts. keep away. aniw, dun go to those shops that says 25cents for each 4r photo! they cheap ur money by thinking they're pros and crops away ur photos! and den u'l feel like killing them aft u received the photos. minli had a similar experience at anth branch too. the first time i feel like saying WTH. BAHH spoils my cosy saturday mood. doesnt help that that woman got attitude prob right at the start! I AM ANGRY. tahts y hen shops get digitalised in their developing, they suck.

liying's msg came timely! thank you for ur timely reminder! the mighty bean spirit! i'll nv let such trival (but expensive stuff) get me down. i love and miss u liying!!!!

i dont understand people . or maybe its cos i hadnt taken time off to attempt to understand them. whichever way it is, i guess sometimes once such chances are gone, when u're passed that phase to understand each other, form bonds, you cant get things back anymore.

in many cases i've seen

jay was on tv playing bball ytd! WHEE thanks to my dearest baguamate, i got to know that and i stayed up til 1.30am tiday to watch! so shuai can! (: okay, shld stop being a woovy-groovy fan . i'm a sane girl!

i saw some cds ytd and i feel like buying them! the clickfive album and brian litrell's welcome home. ): old albums but i think the songs inside are not bad! few of the english songs i listen to.

there was the case of the straitstimes labelling ij girls as being loose or smth and a whole uproar abt it. not totally sure of the entire thing but i read that section that caused everything abt the alt singapore encylopedia. just felt that the view is a mere stereotpye of ij girls in general but we all know it aint too true to a very large extent. anyhow ive been questioned thousand times over abt is there a lot of les and whatnot. i'll support sn no matter what decisions it may choose to undertake cos i think perhaps reputation is of importance to an institution, and being associated with of particular characteristics holding negative connotations in this still rather conservative society aint really the makings of a good reputation. the rumours have been around for v long, it just aint said and published lik it was now, perhpas we've been in denial of these rumours all years and aint about to face them .

there's really no point in today's ranting. i'm jus plain bored cos i didnt manage to wake up at my fave 8am running time so i cant run, so this evening's it! meeting cecs soooon next week! oh wells, a slacking day ahead! enjoy!

afterprelims!

whee its over at long last.
now is the really bad time, of couchpotatoing, blog surfing, sleeping, and awaiting the bad news next week :/ , which btw would be really bad i supposed. thinking of an overnight physics success story is useless becos its impossible la. talking with the girls just now, i think it was hmm 6 hours or so? :)

for now, REST WELL! oh by the way these days i keep meeting people ive not met in ages! like leilei and hongpei at the train station just now, vanessa TWICE at the bus interchange and on the bus, siaoer at ps, crys on the bus as well! (: YIPPES! its happyfying!

and the world is getting a worst place by the minute. during prelims i had this habit of watching the six thirty channel 8 news, and eveyrday i see more and more bad news! first was the taipei protests, den now was the thai coup case. sigh, i wish for a more peaceful world. i cant imagine if any of the two happens in singapore, i'd probably be shocked and very afraid.

ahh nthg much to cheer abt, except for the three days break i selfproclaimed for myself. ;)

physicist!

i think everyone knows a version of my physics theory. its either the i hate physics theory / i cant do physics reasoning/ physics dun like me/ or something to that effect.

anyway all i wanted to say was that my rocky relationship with physics is such a well-known thingand it happifies me that people msges me to tell me to jiayou for physics! cos i'm really afraid of physics. AFRAID, yes, even tho its no monster.

i felt a WAVE of suuden inspiration in the afternoon aft i napped and showered that: I DO WANT TO TRY DOING PHYSICS. ive been complaining all my life since i knew about physics that i hate physics, that this is the only time i felt like really doing well for physics. push pull factors, you could say. push cos the other subjs were sucky, pull cos its like a wish to do well for physics. really. not sure if i could succeed this time, but i'm gna keep trying for physics aft prelims. which is aft tmr! (HOHOH) i hope this wish lasts.

for once, i felt that i really wanted to prove the A2 olevel physics was mine. (: off to mugging alr. jus felt really touched that ppl are encouraging me on for physics, that they even rmb my complains. jiayou lu.

tour around the world!

i just read the entire section on the new tibet-beijing railway and im really enticed to visit tibet. and visit it before globalisation, tourism and influxes of influences encroaches upon its shores. that's when eveerything else we see is insignificant cos it had been carefully crafted to tourism perfection, yet really, its made only more imperfect.

the skyline's just wonderful! its so so pretty. i just told my mum that the skies there are blue! :/ i mean skies are blue almost everywhere, blacker in some, but in tibet, the skies are really crystal clear blue. somewhat like the ones in northan thailand too. i guess in vast land where nothing much had been changed from its initial states, thats where the beauty is.

i wna go touring ard the world one day soon, when ive earned enuff to last me a full year? or just half a yr, im thankful! i wan to go to places that will take my breath away, literally breathtaking places. beautiful places where there's only me and the sky and the land and the sea.nepal would be an equally mesmerising place i think. and the carribean! i cant wait to go touring around the world's least toured countries. thats my wish. (HINTS! so if u wna give a bday present, a tour ard the world would be most ideal! :P ) ive been thinking of gg on tour for a long time! not that cooping up at home studying does make things better.

ok, its already mid day on a saturday and im still dreaming away. back to books lar ): ):

reason for the hint: its CHINGUAN's birthday today! yohoo! happy eighteenth birthday boy! (:

there's really a lot of birthdays in sept!the prospect of thinking that im turning eighteen is scary. i wna remain a kid! mrs mountain prolly cant qualify as being childish anymore and i'd win every argument on who's more childish ): but i dont mind much. just take away the negative connotations of immaturity with childish and i'd happily remain a childish girl all my life. ok, outta point, cos my main purpose is to wish him happy birthday thats all! i shld stop going off course here (:

happy birthday to you, chinguan!

birthdays during exams!

13sept
its diana's birthday! aha lousy excuse to come online, but its true okay! i love u girl! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIANA!

11 sept
septembereleven is a sad day technically, but its all celebration (or rather, it shld be) cos its YUEXIN's birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUEXIN!

i dun wna discuss exams :/ physics off i go to! i must learn to embrace instead of fear it. let's hope everyone gets pass this hurdle and half the obstacle is done.

jay! (: still fantasy ehh!

jay! (:

its out, albeit much fanfare. damn good! i'm still replaying it (:

i love love love jay and his super cool style! definitely fantasy(the second album) grade! might be better, i dont know, i needa listen more properly to know! :D ahh! feels so happyifying

:( HEHS

whee! havent updated for quite long! the cranky internet is the real deterrant. i haven been online for more than 15mins cos aft that it disconnects and is really a chore to reconnect :/

im dying, not cos i have studied too much but cos it all feels so unprepared. so unconfident, even for topics that i THINK ive studied :( now try telling me that im not dead. yea, perhaps not yet. its stressful and time's running out, but the fact seems like i haven grasped many things. lik the lack of time. and the ability to concentrate. and academic stuff of cos.

i can only say, i'm trying , i'm trying. whether its hard enuff takes another wiseman to answer it, i guess.

i met xh crys kez ytd! :D and joy accidentally the day before ytd
ok, i wish i'd do okay for prelims. jay's album shld be out tmr. but shall leave it til later to listen. work is impt :(

the place whr im studying is full of bugs and pests! heh! i met a hundred ants there while im studying, and a few spiders and some other unfamous bugs. i hope they dont touch me and my things and i'll be fine with them too! :) i miss everyone! jiayou!

mugg hard and wish me luck! grant me peace

its a chair!

its a chair

sigh, cranky internet is detering me from internet blogging and msn :( just as well ehh! but what will happen if crank internet lasts til i-dont-know-when. i'll feel so outa touch. studies studies now. promises rmb? this could be a last post in days.

back to one have been on my playlist for the millionth time. i hadnt gotten sick of it surprisingly.

life's been study study study. one week lu! i hope i last through all trials and eveyrthing and jus concentrate on doing well. doing with that same assurance i get from doing that maths and Amaths paper. confirmed A. but its diffcult but i shall work towards it aye! dont stress too much have been my long used and expired excuse for coming online and slakcing and all. but seriously, we all need some rest. to all of you out there, pls rest when need be.

HAPPY TEACHERS DAY! i hope mrs seah can fele this love coming from here tho we all knw she doesnt like computers! i miss her plenty and again, i PROMISE i'll go back after prelims. wait there's lik plenty of things i wna do aft prelims

1. sleep 2. visit mrs seah at stnicks! 3. meet cecs! 4. listen to stillfantasy!(by then i'd have gotten it, so its througout scrutiny!) 5. kayak! ok, the rest are minor stuff, lik buying pens, wallet, printing photos

sometimes i ask who do i blog for. ahah! actualyl its blogging for self fulfilment. its fulfilling a need kinda thing. i think i talk to myself qt a bit alr, so if i still dont blog an dmake use of this avenue to talk to myself, i'd be talking to myself even more in sch. :/ and that'll make me an even weirder girl aint it?

schlife ends on 15th oct.

and four; repeat steps one through three

cecs! I've tried tagging for the past weeks, and I can sign ur gbk :( anyhow, JIAYOUS FOR PROWLING. We'll meet up and talk and everythign else aft prelims and As! I've been wanting to tagg :( but eveyrtime cant.

one, you're like a dream come true
two, just wanna be with you
three, girl it's plain to see that you're the only one for me
four, repeat steps one tru three
five, make you fall in love with me
if ever I believe my work is done
Then I'll start back at one

okay, i havent been studying since i came back for three days, but tmr's a half day so yay. i promise myself i must study from tmr onwards. today, jus let me be. i admit ive been blog stalking :/ so i shant do that so often from tmr onwards. i promise i promise i promise.

sometimes i wished i could just stop. just stop and let all the other rushing people pass me by.i'd jus watch their hurried backs from the back, taking the path on, with my own pace. but i cant. circumstances deems so. :/

i was looking through the past one year's entry at haloscan(my trusty gbk). all the msges are really sweet. :) its just things like this that will make me look dumb smiling at the monitor. anyhow, its last day of term three tmr! WOAH. we've come a long way, yet the journey seems too short. i miss mrs seah, and sadly i cant go back tmr. i'll make it back one day next term. i will.

the coming one week holiday wun be much of a holiday. i must use it, i promise, for fruitful studying. im too far back, too lagg behind that im amazed at how unconcerned i am about my pace vs others'.

becks! i wish for u to be happy too! :)

i'm trying, i'm trying hard to bring a smile to my lips. focus darling me. no more blogging (unless its for a good reason) im v random here. :/

this is what we'll get. ;)

this is what we'll get. ;)

ive taken to taking lame pics like this one :/ DANG. but its true okay, dont we all wnat A1s and As on the cert? ;)

i wish there was all positiveness in this world. that way, lu will feel a much happier girl in more than half her life worthof days. but then again, im always reminded that like protons in the nucleus thats posiitvely charged, they need neutrons and electrons to neutralises the atom and so do our lives :/ im a good girl, i revised physics. but if only life was like a nucleus, i wont mind either. jus neutrons and protons, no negativities! whee.

I hope its mutual.

ive mastered (okay, not really mastered but, learnt and know) how to play HAPPY BIRTHDAY and TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STARS on e guitar! (: whee! arent u happy for me? ;)

shucks. less than two weeks to prelims. ive gotta concentrate and not think too much (or even at all) about other things. time will reveal itself, now, i must study! i hope i keep to this.last week of sch today, threeday week.

mich is super sweet to call me tdy to ask me to go back stnicks to study. thanks so much dear, someone ive missed so much and havent seen in months! many many months! but didnt cos i was alr studying in sch :/ but i missed her and joy (my happiness) qt a bit. alrite, stop being nostagic, stupid me.

becca told me once that her 'i'd rather not' can be used in many aspects. today i tot that 'i hope its mutual' can equaly be applied to many aspects, the it can refer to many things. yay.

and osy called ytd only to ask how to dl mp3! :( boo. but i miss her all the same! <3 altho she dont love me anymore, one sided love's the way to go aye :( i had a happy chat ytd. yayness.

books calling.

oh by the way, talking abt books, it reminds me, ive not read storybooks for a longg time! i need a good read, yet im afraid that once i borrow the book, its not a good read, and it'll only sadden me for not using my time to mugg instead. dilemma! i need good reads soon! (ok, in a months' time, i must get my good read! ) i need recommendations. my last book was kite runner and man, that was really long ago! it was in june1 :(

feels empty

I was looking through sixoh’s blog, jus suddenly felt like doing so. And I look through a zillion pics they took on the last day of school. And this empty feeling just came. It doesn’t help that jay’s new song qian li zi wai, is melancholic and all. Its about feeling that same lost that I will feel in a weeks’ time. Perhaps its all a preamble.

Feels empty
This life
When the bestest things in life leaves
They say all good things ends
So can I say its bad,
Only to wish for it to continue?

Feels weird
This life
Its like a fork without a spoon
A pair without its right foot
Its forgoing a part
Yet its forced away from you

Inevitable, you say
But thee must be a way to stop it, aint there?

I always stop short of taking people only because I know freezing expressions are perhaps the best use of the cam becos some say, pictures are the best memories. But im afraid I cant capture the entire mood into one frame, becos ive failed too often, I stop doing it. one day I hope I can succeed in bringing smiles forth. becos i want to keep all those 23 other smiles ive seen in class for the past 17months with me.

apple of thy eye

apple of thy eye

Today’s Friday and I think this Friday is great (: perhaps its from eating yummylicious kfc chicken or perhaps its the great company at kfc or perhaps its cos this week I’ve been stationery shopping a lot(which always makes me happy but its addictive and burns holes in my pocket) or perhaps its seeing buddy at such an unexpected time and after due absence from each other’s life or pehrpas cos this friday is one friday i may miss in weeks. this friday is good. thus far

kfc with jo and jas. yay cos lu is a kfc chicken lover. original one pls. and ive bought five pens this week! (: i really shld attempt to use pen buying to make my day cos it'll make me broke at the same time too. adn then i saw buddy at the train station, man i miss her. she's gtta prettier everytime i see her. ahah. and i reach home at six plus and decided that since ive slacked my afternoon away, might as well slack somemore and wenta RUN and took some pics. i need photography as a way of release. sweaty release (;

we discussed the importance of the Arts in society and all. and ms tan said smth abt photography being an art form being somehow ambiguous and debatable. but i love lit and poems even though i cant understand many of the meanings. i think its beautiful how few lines, can mean so much when structured in that particular way.

this week have been well spent and despite knowing that ppl are mugging really hard now, it worries me that im not rushed. :/ pls wake me up. two weeks is all i have until the preWAR.

my husband JAYchou is releasing his album (: YAY and what makes that happiness double is that its the second FANTASY and fantasy is my fave album of all times. yayness. septeight shall be my fave day in sept. and i heard my husband sing the song with feiyuqing and im not dissapointed! WHEE its still that good talented voice. no matter what others say.

i am a happy girl, but i cant say too much, cos if u say too much, it'll leave u. and i want to remain happy and contented lik i am today.

school's ending and there's prolly not much time we can spend as a class. ive been thinking (like jinggang always does, excpet that i think alone) about where to go from here, about where i should move on to, and whether i can even move on at all. i think i'll miss non uniform days becos lu have no dress sense and it'll only make me dread gg out even more. and i have less reasons to be happy abt. sch can be a happy place okay. and from after As, we'll all go diff ways. at least, what i'm sure is that my way wouldnt be a way many people will go. my preferred way. at least in class, i know much wouldnt. i will miss havign them as classmates, but before i do so, let me cherish them first.

would u be the someone i miss?


oneliner! shucks, i broke my own promise not to be online. ok shall change it to, shant be online for too long :) yay

monotonures

rights.

i dont know if the word in the title even exist. but i know why the pics im posting are mostly in monotones. i cant see colour. not literally, but rather figuratively. imagine this, u're at home, at ur study table, how much colour can there be? paper are mostly white, save for the cover of tyses. nahh, actually, its jus my excuse for being lousy in skils and having to rely on montones to make a pic more understandable.

ahh well, random photos are my muggin's greatest sidekick. :) but im happy ( 2 ) ppl think my photos are nice becos most time its jus plain random. and i think i do spam and delete a lot more than i hope i do. i would think, of cos, of how to take it, but often i'll jus shoot a few and delete whatever's not so nice to me. but it still leaves me with many substandard images, yet i cnat bear to delete them and its lagging down my com speed. sometimes i think i jus lik to be selfdeluded and think im the world's most talented photographer. but of cos i am no where near. too far actually, for it to be true but small praises do make my day .

goodnews, ive been mugging. badnews, it sadly ant enuff and time passes way too fast!

anyhow i spent a great saturday (prolly one of the last) with my yz gang eating breakfast and the usual yupianmeefen. im glad it tasted the same to me unlike what cg says, have changed. i hate changes to a large extent. my mum asked me if we were like to move house in a few yrs time, and my first tot was, yes, but to somewhere in yishun still. HAHA. den hats the point of moving ehh? but it'll be so weird if we move outta yishun cos ive been living here all my life. ahh. i am not the adaptable ppl the govt is seeking youths to become.

ohwells! monday ahead, short days frm now on which means that we'll be a lot more isolated as classies.

my usual lovely isolated yet not so isolated, hot and humid but quite cooling secret spot. i shouldnt be posting in a few days at least (i hope) so bless me and bless you. takecare everybody :)

i'll cherish

bottle of used batteries

whee thursday was great fun! no gp lessons so e girls had a great game of basketball, smth we hadn't done for so long. like, since this yr started. yays yays. (: muscle ache today, which is quite good news, which means that i really did exercised. plus three rounds-ed with jia! healthy girl healthy girl! but exercise cant be a one week once off activity. i hope i'll make more effort to squeeze time in during mugging sessions to run. and plus i didnt come online ytd! finally resisted the urge to do so.

this phrase remained with me even as conversations end. everyone lives for a different purpose. simple as it sounded, it actually struck me that i'm living life without much purposes. other than my occasional purpose=meeting jaychou and getting him to marry me thoughts, i have little other motivations in life. or rather, i'm not doing what motivates me even though i know what do.

sigh mugging days ahead. pls jiayou! a mere three weeks left and i aint stressed up, its stressful enuff knowing it. shortened timetable ahead, hopefully it leads to productive studying! yangzheng tmr, prolly the last few times we can gather and go back. i'll cherish.

and godbless everyone! pls dont fall sick!

its okay

Today the straits times digital life female photographers who’ve sort of made it. most are pros with a career in photography or related to it, another a freelance. I agree that the photography scene in Singapore now is still very much male dominated (though the PS rations beg to differ). I was very upset about this TIP that one of the featured photographers gave – a good print is the result of 50percent photographer’s skills and 50 percent printer’s capability. learn photoshop!

Even after being in ps for a yr plus and now graduating from it already, I have never believed a lot in photoshop. I believe that good photography lies in the photographer capturing that moment rightly at the press of the shutter, and not the after-shot work on the computer. Never will I believe that a good print will result from merely photoshoping away. If we really want good prints, it should start, and end, at the moment one clicks the shutter. Yes, I have seen the wonders of what photoshop can do, and some effects are cool, but that’s all nonexistent in real life aint they? Fictional. Sigh, I’ll never get my way through on this topic :/ too many people believes in photoshop to hear me. and its really sad. its probably reality, you would say, that technology hve taken over so much.

on to some other random rants.
sometimes i think i can only be strong, this much. i can only appear to be brave this much. i always tell myself its okay, its okay its okay. its okay if you are alone, its okay if people are ignoring you, its okay if you dont have a goodfriend, its okay even if you fail, its okay even if the whole world is ahead and you're enjoying the peace, its okay when people do things that irritate me, its okay when i get bad results and i shouldnt show it, its okay if no one wants to hear you out, its okay if no one knows and understands the way you think.

its okay even if nothing's okay.
but really, nothing is okay.

there's something about you thats so confusing

alluring grey tones

if u think this pic is blur, its not! its sharp at the far far far away end okay! i feel sad whenever i take blur pics. cos u can retake cos its pointless, but u cant make it pretty enuff. that said, there's always some blur pics thats very intricating. exceptions do happen.

ok i think one day if my camera were to abandon me, i think i will cry :( becos i like taking random stuffs and showing it to the entire world (ok only the stalkers who frequent my blog) DANG

i just thought while waiting for the bus that misunderstanding arises because we dont know enough. and i jus hope to find someone who'll make me a good listener and listen to me rant only when i feel lik it. on other days, i'll just be happy being a good listener. but its hard to find that someone whoever he/she is. perhaps the closest i could find is my writtendiary. only thing is *gasps* it cant talk :/ i'm random i jus need to type and rant away enuff so i would go to do complex numbers.

days without direction passes by fast. it may make life easier, but definitely not as meaningful.

why do i always come online? pls help me solve the riddle so i can not come online so oft ): i needa find some motivation :( and fast cos times running pass. flying in fact . fireworks on saturday were okayly. fireworks are pretty but there'll barely in view from where i was. notworthit! sunday badmintoned with my sis! yays. and she's v dumb cos she kept saying im lousy and in turn i'll say she's terrible, whichever aspect it may mean. :P

i need an icecream/secretrecipe day out. badly

this i promise you

this i promise you

sometimes i think, i dont know how impt i am to you, but i do know how impt each one of you out there are to me. i wished i could read minds so i can satisfy this hungry curiousity of mine in knowing how or what i mean to other people. im a weird kid. i have always found it difficult to tell people what i wan to tell them, and what ive always wished i'd said. somehow i cant talk to people. i talk a lot, but i cant talk. okay, contradictory. i talk alot about nothing, but nothing abt anything thats close to my heart. ok, to that few, i do.

so happyfying. received a new mail frm goodold jasminelee :) i love old age snail mail. cos with snail mail i can sense the happiest better, i can keep the happiest longer and i can see the actual handwriting, deco and all. i love old age snail mail! its an impt thing to me, i hope postman would nv run out of jobs and my letterbox will nv run out of letters. ok, its non enviromental friendly but, its so happyfying that im willing to sacrifice and write smaller words for gp and dun leave lines while doing tutorials to save paper so that i cna continue receiving snailmail. :)

and i didnt get to watch my ocip team present ) : cos im a guai kia who went for phys lect. i miss nan and the whole bunch of nice kids and people there. but dun get me started on the THOSE WHO WENT FOR LAST YR OCIP PLS DO NOT GO; GIVE OTHERS A CHANCE. it angers me. and yay classies says my specs look nice. ok, only baguamate gushing over it la. but everyone looks cute in my specs too! so it means that its the specs that cute and cool and not me ): ok, shall be posiitve and make myself easier to attract an electron (cos its negativecharged). oh wells, physicsfreak.

i hope there will be no more poverty in the world and kids can play run and live happily, no matter the continent they're on.

havent

i havent been doing anything the entire day
i havent met up with OSY whom i miss qt a bit and she's so busy
i havent mugg ):
i have yet to make up a tune on the guitar yet

i am so unaccomplished today! but ive got new specs! yay frm now on, new specs means JIAYOU (: hoho

in reverse order

in reverse order

nationalday!

nationalday!

As my sister said rightly, everytime when national day’s here, somehow, no matter how boring the show might me, I will always feel and want to watch it. and somehow, it does touches hearts at some point. like how i will always imitate the parade commander and his berissssss enlongated commands and GRIN happily when i guess correct the last syallbus. and how i will always sing the theme song each year, thinking im the original singer or smth. like how i will be realyl happy and motviated to sing along ALL the singaporely songs. i like national day, not cos it brings along days of lazing at home and celebration, but also it mades me feel with the country. some people may want to leave singapore as soon as they can afford it, but i guess i nv wil. everything here's too familiar and attached tht i will nv want ot migrate.

alright, that said, i know i sound like some patriotic freak (i will look more like afreak tmr with my new nerdy specs), but really, thats how i feel every national day. like how in aj ytd i was jumping ard singing STAND UP FOR SINGAPORE. and i think my fave singer thinks im some weird kid. oh wells, i dont care cos its fun! and the thought that its prolly the last happiest celebration before the oh-so-dreaded prelims and As, makes me want to enjoy it more. its prolly the last time i get to celebrate national day , like truly. plus REDEMPTION makes a birthday song sound wayy cool and make HOME sound so homely? yay! me and jo was like crazy women shouting away for redemption. the rest of the class was stuck at the side :( but im sure they SHOUTED TOO! and lol we shouted weihui instead of zxiong when he won the ND superstar. and JOLENELOW was gushing over tsk tsk. and so VIN is MINE :P drummer with drummer alrites, the guitarist is mine. hoho. im sucha tyrant ):

anyway, ive finally changed my sidebar! no more saving up for guitar cos lu is an aspiring strummer! ive been strumming for days but it does sound like any music at all! try harder lu! (but its hard keeping away frm the guitar thats lying there, tempting me! :( where's my tempting homework? pls try harder to tempt me pls)

ALRITES! pls mugg pls mugg lik how everyone is.

this one's for one special girl.

becos im too excited to celebrate and announce the beckoning of the big ONE EIGHT(really, trust me, ive been ranting for more than a week to jo that shuiying's bday coming.. haha ) for ms shuiying, im posting my fave pic which i hadnt wanted to upload for qt some time for you! my darling bestest friend. happy EIGHTEEN in abt one and a half hours time. doubt i'll be meeting u for u bday (again for the second yr) :( but whatever it is, laowang if u still drop by here, ur present is erm, soon to come! :) u rock! thanks for cheering me up without having to do anything much. may ur life be as colourful as crayons! :) and meetupsoon! muchlovesss!

hangs dry the pinkbluepink

hangs dry the pinkbluepink

It was how it used to be. I guess as one grows up, he have to learn to deal with too many things in life that sometimes, he loses focus, he gets distracted at some point in time. hmm i cant handle stress which is why i am resisting in putting the 'prelims in five weeks and less' message in mind now. cos i will stress i really will. i havent started revision when prolly 99.9 percent of the cohort have. and this goes to show tmr's thermodyn isnt going to be fantastically easy as well. :(

nvm! if u're as sad as i am and as dead as well, CHEERUP! at least national day is coming and rotting days awaits! erm i mean, more time to study days awaits! yay. shouldnt we all celebrate ? fireworks! WHEE! i hope this ntl day would be good! and ahpyp most imptly. lucks to me now!

tutucians ive uploaded some pics up the class photobucket (seems to be alteranting btw me and jo's uploads) ! yayness to classshoes! :)

i hate how i cant solve problems even if people tell me them yet i really want to help share some burden; i hate how i would say things that i dont mean, and dont want to yet i do ; i hate how my impulses would control me yet now i am way too indecisive; i hate how people conform yet i end up being the lonely non-er.

its so contradictory. oh well i think we all just shldnt care. yet i dont lik seeing bothered faces because its depressing. u dun say, i dun ask. lets all be ignorant. maybe they were right, ignorance is bliss.

am watching superband. i hate shows lik this cos eveyrtime they're ending i feel damn sad and v lost ); no more jingbao and MLB on mondays night, fighting with jo abt vin and all. lonely mondays! and i really miss jingbao performing (mainly cos the lead's cute) but they have super good music too! alrite, music makes me happy so i am! CYA

my FIRST guitar / becos i know from this moment on, we'll embark on paths so different.

my FIRST guitar

yay.i got my first guitar! (: whee! but now doubt i'll ever get the time to even practise the few lines of songs that peijia taught! i still rmb them okay! :) thanks dajie! YAY!

ive been wanting to blog abt THE BASIC BAND and this is ann appropriate time bcos the basic band guitarist finally got her guitar! thats me! :) introducing to you, our basic band comprises of jo the drummmmer, chinguan the singer (world champ singer okay!) , suyee the violinist, jasmine the manager , weisheng the [shucks i forgot] but still part of our band okay! and me the guiatrist. selfproclaimed i realise.but it made me happy for that five mins tho i forgot half the content that we were crapping abt. HAHS.

happy birthday baguamate! i love u a lot alot!

i feel old, even before i reach ripe old eighteen:( i kept telling jo (and to some nil response) that im having osterporsis and rheutmaism (pardon the spelling). when the weather gets a bit colder, i feel lik my joints are aching. and today i feel so childishly stupid cos i decide to play and rush for maths lect. end up tripping on the stairs and twisting my left ankle and now its still alil pain. thankgod im not crippled ): inability to run will be very saddening for someone with no other talents. so sad, i just chased ard for like 5 secs and fell? when brian (that naughty yz boy) can run fall flat down and get up immediately to chase aft someone else :( oh well jus tll me its just my bones arent working for me ): jus tell me im not getting young anymore.

okay, just four more liners;

1/ if you dont say, i dont know, we'll all be ignorant :( and 2/ it hurts to say class is ending soon ! 3/ hahs, i only wish for you all to be happy! :) 4/ becos i know from this moment on, we'll embark on paths so different. :(

what do u mean he deserves someone better?

when blue is anything but BLUES

yesterday's chat spun off some thinking. there's really alot of things that i want to learn in this lifetime. some of it might had been too late, but some others could be done, if i stop feeling lazy and apprehensive abt doing things. i shall list them down so ten years down the road i can look back and see if any was fulfilled.

-i want to run a 10km race this lifetime
-i want to learn sailing
-i want a twostar kayaking course
-i want to learn musical instruments esp piano and guitar.
-i want to have a canon ixus
-i want to learn music in general
-i want to win an award in photography and in a sport
-i want to...

on another note, i think baguamate is really sweet because she jus msged the girls a really long msg to encourage eveyrone to work hard! i love u baguamate, always my swete old baguamate tho sometimes frm the mundane of everyday school, we dont talk as much alr (equals to we dun bagua anymore! )
i implused msged osy ytd becos i was feeling really bothered and wanted someone to hear. thanks dear bestest friend becos that single msg just makes me feel so much better that we didnt nee dto meet up alr.
classes and classies have been bugged by some weird bad happenings this week so i hope the week to come would be much better tho monday is already enuff to put me off into negativity because its triple combi, econs chem physics. whooho, and ive wasted three quarts of my weekend doing nthg in general. i need some mind clearing permanently, not the temp clearance running can do the job.

for now, pls constantly remind me i have broken my two-days-and-more a post wish, but its with valid reason lar. pls mugg hard.

and i feel quite offended abt being stereotyped by the straittimes sunday times report on bloggers. teens = angsyt posts? i am a very peace loving person okay. and i read anth report somewhr tht says abt the proliferation of digi cams and resulting in low standards of photography in genreal or smth. im not sure if digi cams being made like a necessity is good or not, but for one, at least it opens up the doors to photography for noobs like me to take some joy in enjoying the process of creating a photo- like framing, angle, composition and all.

ah wells, its really just me alright?

mental note: use hte internet less often okay! mental note 2: think of bestest friend present.

show me the direction please

show me the direction please

running is therapeutic. when coupled by late night outing with self and camera alone to capture the wonders of light, it definitely makes a happier person. the warm (but not too hot) sun, and a sweatly wet body. doesnt sound too good to some, but it clears my mind.

im happy! (lets all promise to be happy happy kids)

yangzheng makes me happy altho i get pek chek at small kids with no attention span and refuses to listen. ): but its students like dila and didi that makes me feel really happy. the two girls were protecting me from bullying boys. yay. and so brokeback's defn of town is chinatown. erm, dunch (minyi i rmb ur vocab!) and chat at pasta all the way at harbourfront! hoho. trio breakfast at macs too! i haven had macs for super long!

i think i need some direction in life. badly in need of some, actually. even if i do aim for ABBC, AABB, its pointless because i dont know REALLY where i wanna head. its definitely not engineering or medicine, i know for sure. but what, specifically, ive no idea. perhaps its cos im afraid to make a decision and to commit to it with hardwork. im afraid of failing to get whr i want, i have bad enuff experiences, trust me.

thanks chinny for the jaychou cd! :) its karaoke functioned! (tho not like i can karaoke, but its good, have lyrics that i can sing to myself !)

that shining star awaits

that shining star awaits

at the end of the day, pls know that u are being loved. it doesnt matter the amount, really. but what matters are those people who do.

i am sorry i asked. because i didnt think that i wun have any solution for you. i ought not have asked, becos i have no solution to help you with, just useless grins that i have to paste on. i'm jus stupid, i always repeat mistakes i promised nv to commit again. i nv learn, i nv do ): and thats making me sad. plus i hate making ppl sad, and i did. thats double sad. other than sorry, i dont know what other comfort i can offer.

i couldnt get myself to smile veyr much, but jo is very nice cos she helps me and try to convince me it isnt my fault. tho i really shld have jus concentrated on shooing ppl off the blackthing for analogue instead of going ard wanting to offer a listening ear to problems. i am a bad friend becos i dont have any advice to offer and i only make ppl sadder than they alr are. i just wan to fen dan xin shi only. even that i cant do, how useless. ):

(aniw, yay im a born physicist cos the circuit me jo shermin bulit BUZZES!) and smth that truely amkes me smile from inside today was a small boyboy cum neighbour who took the lift with me when i came home shagged and sad. he said bye! den i say bye while holding the lift button for his family to come out. den along the corridor he kept saying byebyebyebyebyebyebye to me and looking back! :) how cute! i wish the world was full of cute guys like him,i mean, cute BOYS.

i am heartbroken i really am. not only cos i made ppl sadder, im made to confront anth more serious issue. the lack of passion in me. because he felt so much for it, that he cried and worries and feels sad abt parting. but me? my only jotted memory was last yr aft firstthreemonths, and den its during np farewell. oh, and in ocip. other than that, ive not really felt enuff to cry for any other partings as yet. whcih holds me to admire all those who does becos passion and belonging is such a difficult thing to cultivate, i wish i ahd such a passion in aj. i wished, but it may nv happen with only three months left in school term.

my dearest nice voices won the world champs for choir! :) they're officially olympic GOLD okays! how cool is that, im so v proud of them. yuklum and chinguan! and my fave singer! and hanquan!

i jus felt this triumph of happiness this morning during assembly only for a drastic mood change shortly aft. how ironic.

try as i might, dont make things worse pls, dear me.

we will get there.

I've deleted what I've typed three times and this is the fourth time im trying to express something i dont even know how to :/

misunderstood.

but aniw, if i cant get the thinking-philosophies posts out, i can at least get the record my thoughts and events for the day kind of posts.

nano nano! this line just came out when i tot of this afternoon's meeting.
we will get there, how apt isn't it? After today's discussions i just suddenly felt this way. That we will get there, no matter how much difficulties the present seem to hold. i really think we can make this trip there, in FULL attendance. its hard but lets try. :)

WHOOH. the class guys are going for prom TGT. haha, i think they're a weird bunch, but I don't exactly know if the WEIRD is meant to be the positive or negative kind of WEIRD. But anyhow, its really quite touching/hilarious/funny.

I think being alone can be a rather enjoyable thing. Because in self you can have better concentration, with self, u no longer have to put on the mask that everyone have on. Masks are just but everyday skin to people, most people at least. I am quite convinced that the way everyone behaves is intrinsicly moulded into a certain type, the way people sees you, which i thin is a sad fact, but a fact nonetheless.

be a happy happy kid alrights. pe tmr! whee!

just the way i like it.

today i jus like my entry plain, just lik i like my bread thick with nutella at some parts and thin at others, like how i like people smile-ly, and i like my days light. its very much a personal preferance kind of thing. :)
oh and i like my mondays without the boohoos (BLUES) :(

there's so many things i really hope i can jus clear my mind of, many things that i would like to tell people how i feel, many words that i would like to say, but i do neither. eveyrtime i ask someone to CHEERUP, there's always a time when cheering up is difficlut for myself even. sigh, i woudl like to think im no depressed kid. i hate how i would think differently, refuse to conform, yet also refuse to speak out. i guess talking is really difficult, prolly one subject even worse that physics. :(

let my current inspirational song do the talking then, its easier. and hopefully tmr would be a better day! :D

Angels and heros by Brian Littrell

We are the poets, we are the dreamers
We are the soldiers, we are the screamers
We are the fallen to rise again
We are the lovers, we are cynics
We are the hours, we are the minutes
We are all friends in the end

So why be alive if you don’t follow your every dream
Reach up to Heaven and stand for what you believe

We don’t need wings to be angels
We don’t need reasons to be right
Your love makes us all better
That who we really are
Angels and heroes at heart

We are the givers, we are receivers
We are confessors, we are believers
We are the strange familiar face
We are afraid and so we follow
We’re underpaid and so we borrow
We mine for tears, but much too late

So why can’t we open hearts, open our minds
Forgiving is easy for You will come if we open our eyes

We don’t need wings to be angels
We don’t need reasons to be right
Your love makes us all better
That's who we really are

We don’t need sleep to be dreamers
We don’t need to have tears in our eyes
Your love makes us all better
That’s who really are
Angels and heroes at heart

I know it seems easier to run and hide
And bury emotions in the dark of night
But it’s worth the fight
Worth the fight
Just aim for the light

We don’t need wings to be angels
We don’t need reasons to be right
Your love makes us all better
That who we really are
Angels and heroes at heart

TRUST

TRUST

kudos to my baguamate for being my very kind and *ahem* willing model :)

anyway i went for the 4grace gathering in the end still! ahah, but its much thansk to jinggang cos w/o her i will nv get my lazy butt out of the house. jelly making was funn!!! i am a PRO! met manymany prolly half the class of girls there and im glad everyone was still pretty much the same :) and mrs seah was super funny! we hitched a ride from her to the nearest busstop/mrt and eveyr busstop we wanted to drop xianhui down, it'll be like, no no, this bussstop all men, cannot! and so we went to the next until we dropped at the possibly most dangerous looking one (no lights,pitchdark busstop). so ironic! its a huge fall in attendance frm the 31st dec gathering two years ago but its still sweet to see all the people despite worries cos i dont exactly belong to any clique and i aint apt at being a social animal, you see...

BECCA! yeyes :) pls mugg hard! lets mugg hard so we can earn our threeL outing someday. hahs.

its gonna be another long week ahead, what with mutliple tests and essays and revision lects to prepare beforehand. lucia shall not be a lazy girl despite her email domain proclaiming so. pls buck up and work hard!

and minyi, i'll try to find a good time to send ur unglam photos to u. :)