becos its not so simple

on days when i get pessimistic, i'll tell myself, its okay. its only a class that u've been tgt with for less than two years. but really graduation nv seems okay. then or now. its not easy to feel comfortable abt graduating. not me to be so, at least.

not esp when its a class that stays, not quite united but definitely not separated. a class with which we did many things tgt happily. much as there have been a gender divide, i guess its inevitable given circumstances. but generally, i like the feel of class. i like lessons cos i am assured of laughter filled classes. i may dread lessons (esp subjs in AHEM PHYSICS) and sleep in them and everything, but at least thats what the class is to me-simple and life is peaceful.

sometimes i realise we do not need very much of excitment for days to be memorable. too exciting days, for me, spells more sad and dreadier days ahead. so i like to spread my happiness throughout. more happier days that arent peaking, VS few extremely happy days but many sad days accompanying. i'd always believed that happiness do run dry. that each one of us, perhaps, have a quota as to the amt of happiness we'll have in, say, a week. if we use it up too fast, there's not enuff happiness to go around seven days.

i hate feeling all emotive and i-dunno-what(cos my vocab is lousy) about having last days of sch, last tutorials in our life. i shudder at the fact that in two days' time, we'll all be having our last tutorials. in fact its tmr. cos thurs a pe/lect day with only an hr of gp tut. sometimes i will look back and feel this tinge of stupidism that i was so emotional then. but on other instances, i will look back and regret not having cherished. not having cherished the people ard me, the events that we go thru tgt.

i read soemwhr that life is too short for regrets, yet i do feel such regrets, so perhaps my life is sadly, longer than others? i nv wanted to live past those ard me. i cant take facing the demise of my loved ones-friends and family. if i were to face it again, i may go very depressed.

but that's all besides the point, that other than cherishing the remaining two days of school tutorials (i COMPLETED TUTORIALS for maths and econs FINALLY) at least its a good end, i also must leave no regrets for a's results. lucia wants no repeat of tramutising o's because i have gotten old and i'm qt sure my old and failing heart can take shocks no more. gogogo!